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Were having a local wedding and we have 120 people out of 210 coming.
If they aren't coming, fine, screw 'em! If they don't get back to me, well, that shows that they have zero manners and tact in my book! And i dont' want people like that at my wedding...I just sot of justify it. You might have to get on the phone and call. Or rather have FMIL do it. Or you'll end up listening to their lame excuses for 20 minutes.
Lol yeah...I'm trying to be all strong and be like "well, they don't wanna come? Fine!"
It's just hard when it's people you really thought would try to be there and all that....that and I really hate when people have poor communication/etiquette skills. lol
I had the same thing happen to me. My family is all in Florida, and my groom's family was all in Wisconsin and we were getting married in New York. We invited 340 people and expected 250. We got 190 people. Most of the nos were from the groom's family as they were older and some didn't have the funds for flight and hotel, etc. We still had an amazing wedding and were very happy with the results even if everyone couldn't be there with us.
The RSVP process is weird, isn't it? I had a whole section of my extended family pitch a big fit about wanting invitations, and then they proceded to turn us down like right after they got their invitations. It was really annoying.
There are always going to be less people than you invited because of schedule conflicts, the economy and other issues.
Keep telling yourself that each "No" RSVP means that your wedding will be cheaper and that the people who will be there are really dedicated to your wedding and marriage. That is what matters!
It's hard to not let it get to you, but try not to take these things personally!
Now if only I could get all the stragglers to RSVP!
We invited around 125 people, were expecting 80, and ended up with 57 (including my husband and me). It was hugely diappointing to me that people who had 1)promised they'd be there or 2)are super important people in our lives didn't come, or even worse, didn't even RSVP! All of my husband's attending family members included his parents, one of his sisters, one aunt, and one uncle. I only had my parents, my sisters, my nephew, my grandma, a great aunt, and two distant cousins. Family made up at least 3/4 of our guest list! Luckily, we invited a lot of co-workers, or we would've had about a 25 person wedding.
I know how disappointing it is, and honestly, trying to convince myself that it didn't matter didn't help me much. As the wedding gets closer you'll be distracted by all the to-do items you have, and then you won't be concentrating on that disappointment. In fact, now I don't feel bad about it at all. But for me, it just took a little time and distraction to feel better before the wedding. :)
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Ah, doctorgirl, I am smiling so big right now! You're such a sweetie... 
Thanks for the responses so far ladies! It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one this stuff happened to...weddings really bring out a lot of emotions you didn't know you had don't they?
And...in a way it really kinda shows you who your true friends are you know? Granted you can't say someone isn't your friend because they couldn't come for a legitimate reason but...the no response ones really make you re-evaluate some things.
Wow, this is good to know! We're still a year away from our wedding, but we (more like I) was stressing out about the guest list already. We want to keep the # of guests to 130-140 (due to venue size and money constraints), but we have about 180+ on our preliminary guest list. I always heard to expect 10% to rsvp "no"... but from this thread, it's more like 40%?!
@krgk84-- did you happen to send out Save the Dates for your OOT wedding?
@ddubzz YEP, sure did. We sent out save the date postcards in January....which is another reason why I'm like...SERIOUSLY people?
I think the number most planning sites talk about is 60% ddubzz. It depends whether your wedding is local or destination, and where your invitees live. I think they say something like 30% for destination!
We've made our wedding destination for us, but local for everyone else and we're at 77%. I don't expect that number to get much higher with only a month to go.
aw, sweet, you want everyone to come; me I certainly wouldnt mind a few no's and stop add-ons.
because of the extremely expensive way of life in NYC I only planned on a party of 50; more people were added, and an aunt from across the world may actually make it; plus my bro and cousin are adding thier kids (I only met my niece once, and cousins kid once!) I cant say no; then my fiance added his closest friends (I cant say no because he only has 4 immediate family, and 3 best friends hes from England); so now I have 60 expected guests
I sure wouldnt mind a lower number so I can save dinero; my venue is pricey and the only way I could have afforded it was to keep the party very small
my rsvp rate is now 45 yes's out of 60, (it's 246/head--so each guest was carefully chosen) it's 3 months away, I'm waiting for the nos to come in; the rates are going to be high because its mostly immediate family, best friends and local friends
I'll trade my yes's for your no's
yikes!
Yikes! I'm worried about this also. We are inviting about 100 people and expecting about 80. But I'm worried that a big chunk of my family won't come (most live in other states) and it will be mostly my fiance's family and friends-not that I don't love them, I do, I just want my people there. And I already know that my brother and his wife most likely won't attend due to family drama (looonnng story for another time). So that kind bothers me too.
I guess all you can do is enjoy your time with the one's that show up. The bright side is, you'll be able to spend more time with your guests at the reception. It will be more intimite and meaningful.
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While a few no's are expected and even welcome in terms of numbers/cost, what hurts the most is the absence of the most important people. FH has a very small family and his grandfather and his wife won't be coming. An uncle may also not come, which means that 30% of his family won't be there, which is huge to him especially when my family alone is 40% of the entire guest list (friends --ours and our parents-- make up the difference).
Ah, don't feel bad. Just focus on having a good time with those who made a big effort to see you get married and celebrate with them.
I went through something similar-- I should have invited way more people than I did, thinking that a lot more people would say they could make it or even rsvp altogether. And our wedding was on the small side; we had to have a 75 person minimum for the venue and we wanted to keep it to around 75-80. We invited about 100, which in retrospect I wish we had sent out many more, like 125-130 or more. My dad was all into making phone calls to those who hadn't rsvp'd which helped a lot. I also figured out that when some people take a while to respond, they are trying to work out a plan in which to be able to make it to your wedding. All of those people in my case ended up saying no in the end. Anyway, my parents ended up asking a bunch of their friends to help fill the seats, since they paid for the wedding that was ok with us. All we cared about was getting married to each other when it came down to the basics. Yes it is a little disappointing especially when family members held in high regard can't make it to your wedding, but you'll get past it when you see all the faces there who you also love and adore and they're smiling back at you.
One thing I'm a little worried about is- he has very few family to begin with, and we learned today that pretty much none of them but his immediate family and maybe one uncle will be attending.
I, on the other hand, have a HUGE extended family...and an okay amount of them are coming.
I'm wondering if we should maybe nix the whole bride's side/groom's side thing at the ceremony....what do you all think?
I don't want it to be packed on my side and then half empty on his
We invited about 185 and ended up with 104. It was a lot of nos, but it was fine by me, frankly. The list was mostly his family from way out of town, and there were a lot of people he expected to say no. Since they weren't my family, I can't say I didn't miss that they weren't coming.
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I have the same issue, with my family being HUGE and his being really tiny (we joke that it's a good thing we're not getting married on a boat, it would capsize!).
We are definitely nixing the bride's side, groom's side for that reason. We're just lettng people sit wherever they want. When I go to weddings where one side is more packed than the other, I sit on the empty side to even things out (even if I know the other side better). Plus, better view!
I attended a wedding last year where to help with the brides side/grooms side unbalanced(ness) Their mutual friends sat on the groom's side. This way everyone got a good view and it was balanced!
I expected like 50% to RSVP no (since it's a DW) but almost EVERYONE is coming now! It's WAY more stressful to have to acommodate MORE than you planned than less, so at least there's that. Also, just because people are having to RSVP "No" doesn't mean that they don't love you or him or that they don't believe in your marriage. They simply cannot attend. Try to separate the two ideas, I really think that sometimes we get lost in planning and forget that others can't change life for us (even when they wish they could). I'm sure he'll be happy with whomever attends! Just go visit them together sometime.
My feeling is a little different from all of you ladies. We invited 281 Adults and Children. I haven't sent out the invites yet but when I do I am hoping for closer to 200 adults or even less than 250 adults to come. This is more to keep our final bill down 
. So I am a bit anxious about that right now. It's not like we can't afford it, I just don't want to be in that position.
No matter who decides to show up, it will be a great time! Enjoy it!
we are nixing the bride's side and groom's side. If that's the case, I will look like a big ole loser =P
Seriously tho....we're just going to even out the sides. I have 5 family members coming...about 6o of his are coming. i have 20 friends coming, he has 10. SO...lopsided indeed
Since they weren't my family, I can't say I didn't miss that they weren't coming.
My thoughts exactly. Your great aunt Ruthie's friend can't come and bring me some hideous platter? Okay. 
Lol yeah....he'll have like 3 family members coming...I on the other hand will have like 30 or 40. hahaha
@doctorgirl My FI's extended family has done the same thing -- it's unbelievable. Don't be too upset (although the other bees seem to have cheered you up considerably). The people that will make the time and effort really matter and the money you save on food will buy you and your FH some fabu things for your new life!
We've had some issues with people not RSVPing by the date on the card, but I can't say that it's brought me down. I would have loved if everyone invited promptly responded YES! but meh, it's going to be a super day if even if it's just my man and I. Though I would have to ask for a doggie bag for the buffet for 75... maybe a doggie suitcase!
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Don't discount the possibility of complete laziness on the part of some of your invitees. Your RSVP date hasn't even passed yet, I have yet to be a bridesmaid in a wedding where I wasn't frantically calling and emailing tons of people who just couldn't be bothered responding but were planning on coming. That is a HUGE pet peeve of mine (what is so hard about checking a box and putting an envelope in the mail?!?) and yet it seems to happen all the time. Once your deadline passes, I'd get someone to start making calls or sending out emails and you'll pribably find that you'll get some more yeses.
@Kittyachi Yeah...I'm thinking laziness is probably a factor in this as well- it drives me nuts! I'm always on top of emails, phone calls, etc. no matter what the situation is so this is really bugging me.
What's more is- we gave people THREE options of how to RSVP. T-H-R-E-E.
-the traditional response card
-email to our wedding email address
-RSVP through our wedding website
Seriously with those 3 options available how hard is it? lol
we are having a destination wedding, so it was expected that a lot of friends and family wouldn't be able to make it, which was fine by us because we wanted a smaller wedding (we expect between 40-50 to be there out of 110 invited).
what makes me really sad - we had a ten month engagement, and we asked our closest family and friends to be in the bridal party right. and my sister (a bridesmaids) and the best man's wife both got pregnant soon after and wont be able to attend. my sister will still be on bed-rest after her scheduled c-section, and the best man's wife is actually due on our wedding date! so he will be home with her. oh, and my matron of honor is actually travelling with a 5-week old baby - she just gave birth yesterday! being in our bridal party was apparently a fertility kiss!
so we are still (9 months later) feeling pretty bummed about two of our closest friends/family not being able to attend. they were obviously not the people we had hoped would rsvp NO to our wedding!
my RSVP date was the 8th and I still haven't received all my RSVPs back. I still got about 20 ppl who have not responded and I just received 2 RSVP cards today in the mail
I can't imagine what brides do who don't require an rsvp....granted these are usually smaller weddings where they don't host a meal at the reception but seriously that would drive me nuts! lol
I would say that my biggest stress about the rsvp's is that TOO MANY people are responding yes! I mean... second cousins from California (we are getting married in New York) and tons of family from Texas, friends in western Canada!! They're all saying yes and we are like "Awesome!" but also, "Holy crap!!"
We invited about 150 and budgeted for 130. So far of the 61 people who have responded, 58 have accepted.
This is not to say that I don't want these people to come. Its just making me think that we may have to add another couple thousand dollars to the final costs. but we'll see we still have almost 3 months.
yah my first 70 people that responded, 68 were yes, and slowly there was a couple of declines, but we are definitely getting a lot more accepts then declines
ilovenycmissy, where are you getting married in NYC? We are paying about $250 per head also, but our guest list is currently around 240 people! I am hoping for a 40-50% attrition rate but I don't think that's going to happen since most of our list is local!
i just go 3 RSVPs back with a total additonal of 6 guest, i am kinda hopeful i start to get declines for those that are lagging!
@Mrs SMC - WOW. is that $250 just for the food or are you including alcohol and things like that in the figure? Still....ouch! lol
hey Mrs. SMC, my reception is at the waldorf;I figured it was the biggest day of my life; every other venue felt not special enough, where are you getting married
but I didnt want to blow all my money so I kept the guestlist small and intimate 50; but now maybe 63 may make it yikes!!!
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So, we invited around 170-180 people total...and had been expecting around 100ish. The RSVP deadline is this Saturday (20th) and including ourselves and our 2 photogs, we're at like 80 people.
Granted we aren't having a "local" wedding. Our families are spread out everywhere in the country and most are not within a decent driving distance of the wedding. (Although some that haven't responded are like..1 hour away)
This is considerably less than I thought we were going to have, and I'll be honest when I say that some of the no's we've received as well as the lack of any response at all...really kinda hurt my feelings.
For those of you who are in the RSVP process or past it, what have you done to keep your spirits up? It's so hard not to stress out over all the people we haven't gotten a response from, be sad about the no's, etc.
I need some advice!