Post # 1
Sorry for the rant…
So I’m into the fun stage of getting RSVP’s for my March 21st wedding.
My mother just received the RSVP from 2nd cousins on my father’s side. My parents have been divorced for 25 years and this particular couple have always been nothing but rude and mean to me AND my mother, but obviously we had to invite them.
The wife of this couple was also unfortunately at my wedding shower and verbally attacked my mother during one of the games, the Spice Game, saying ‘where the hell did you get this basil it is so rank, OBVIOUSLY you don’t shop at the Italian market like I do!’….she is also the kind of person who picks up her seating cards at weddings and moves if she doesn’t like her table….just the kind of person you look forward to sharing your special days with!
Anyway, she and her husband and their teenage son were invited. They just replied with the RSVP that specifically said ‘We have reserved 3 seats in your honor’ with ‘+ date’ for their son. I just saw their son at xmas and he said he did not have a girlfriend…but now they want him to bring a date?! Not even a name…just ‘and date’…
We are limited on space and budget and have received NO regrets yet, meaning no seats have been freed up. What should I do?
Post # 3
Oh that’s a tough one. I would try to be frank with them. Especially since their rsvp card said that they had a certain number of seats reserved. Just explain that while you would love for their son to be able to bring a date, it is just not feasible for you and your FI.
Post # 4
I’m sorry they are being so difficult. I realize now that people who are not planning their own wedding at the time, might often forget the etiquette.
If I were you, I would call (or email), but calling is always best. And explain that as much as you would love to have "Eric’s" girlfriend there, you are unfortunately on a tight budget and are unable to accomodate extra people at this time. We are very excited to see the three of you on our special day.
Post # 5
Nope, don’t let them get away with this. Do exactly what the PP have suggested. Call, explain sweetly that gosh, you’d love to meet Eric’s new girlfriend, but you have limited space at your venue and fire codes won’t allow you to add any more guests. The invitation was intended to invite only the people it was addressed to. (And look on the bright side. Maybe they’ll decide to get really offended and not come at all! I know that’s not very nice, but it doesn’t sound like these cousins are very nice either.)
Post # 6
Yes, unfortunately it’s time to be blunt and tough. Seeing as how she treated your mother, it shouldn’t be too hard not feeling sorry for them. Don’t leave any room for them to assume there might be room. Call and say we have no room other than 3 for your family, I wouldn’t even apologize, they might see it as a weakness :/ good luck!
Post # 7
MelissaB had the same thought I did, that maybe they wouldn’t end up coming at all.
Post # 8
Call and tell them about the space constraint (using budget can lead to the uncomfortable offer to pay for the extra person) and that you are sorry your cousin can’t bring a date….be firm! What she did was rude and by not even putting a name, it seems like there is a good chance there is no gf, just a yet-to-be-determined date!
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2007 - Hyatt Lodge, Oak Brook IL
Well, since this is a relative on your dad’s side, could you ask him to make that request?
Post # 10
@ emerald: I agree with you.
Since the parents are hosting th event, and it’s your father’s family that is causing the problem, he is probably the best for the job. He should contact them and explain that only 3 seats have been reserved for their family. Blame it on size restraints within the venue.
Post # 11
I agree with the other posters in that you should NOT let these people bully or intimidate you into letting their son bring some random girl that you don’t know to your wedding.
Be sure to frame it in terms of space rather than budget, and whatever you do, be firm. Explain that your caterer/planner/whomever has told you that there is no extra wiggle room in the numbers allowed, and you’re sorry that the date will be unable to attend. Also let them know (if there really will be) that there will be other kids their son’s age at the wedding and you’d be happy to seat them at a table together, so that he won’t feel awkward if he comes alone.
Post # 12
Thank you ladies for all of your advice….at least someone is on my side!
Although they are on father’s side, father has not paid one dime for this wedding. Another drama to add. At this point he is not walking me down the isle even, as I feel mother should get that honor. My mom is paying for almost all of the wedding with my FI and I, and his parents, chipping in as much as we can.
I emailed my dad and told him the situation and he said he does not feel comfortable calling them to tell them this person can’t come. My poor mother in an effort to make as much peace out of what has already been a year of drama, doesn’t want to instigate them (the wife) further, as they are crass enough to sabotage should they feel the need.
Oh! I almost forgot this is the same relative that went off on me at xmas because I dared to have my wedding on her BIRTHDAY! I am so close to her that of course I even knew it was her bday.
All I could say was ‘well at least you will get a nice piece of cake!’
Post # 13
Haha. Your retort about the cake is delightful. It kills me when anyone (brides included) act like they are the only one allowed to have an event on a particular day! I had a friend tell me that I couldn’t use April 10th for my wedding because it’s her DATING anniversary with her boyfriend. Really? 🙂
Post # 14
If her birthday is that important it’s probably best that she stay home and blow out her candles, insead of going to your wedding. I think if someone was behaving like that to me, I would love to personally call them and tell them they can’t bring the extra. Bring on the fight.
Sorry, I’m not helping. But I’d still do it.