(Closed) RSVP dramaz

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I would just be thankful for the gift; no matter what it was. And it wouldn’t matter to me how wealthy or not wealthy the gift giver is. As for your FI’s family, I think they are being very thoughtless and rude with their behaviour. It really is none of their business how much this person spends on a gift and whether or not they attend your wedding. Maybe this uncle is staying away because he doesn’t want to be involved in any drama; although this gift has contributed to a different kind of drama. I would send the uncle an email or card apologizing for the behaviour of the others’ and let him know that you really appreciate his thoughtfullness to even send you a gift. I think FI’s family are being way too materialistic. They should be the ones to apologize, but from what you have shared, I doubt they would.

Post # 4
141 posts
Blushing bee

Your FI’s family is being very rude by saying anything to him at all.  The most you should have said was “Thank You” for the glasses and “We’ll miss you!” regarding the decline…

I have a pretty wealthy uncle who gave us a super modest present for our wedding.  I thought it was odd, and so did my mom (it’s her brother), but we just had our own private chuckle about it and then moved on to enjoying the gift!  We would never have dreamed of calling him out on it.

I would stay out of it.  Don’t respond to the email — instead, hand-write him a very nice thank you note saying you’ll be sure to miss him, and leave it at that.

Post # 5
1336 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I agree about saying thank you for the gift and for expressing his reasons to you both.  As for the rest of the family, let them handle it. 

Post # 6
3539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

gee whiz how immature of the other family

At least he sent you a gift, also and least he bothered to actually decline where I know people dont send an rsvp in or say yes and then not show up.

Handwritten note is way to go and to ignore email. Take the higherground…

Post # 7
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Yikes!  FIRST, stay out of it.  This is family drama with FI’s family.  Let them deal with it. Send him a thank you note and tell him that you wish he could have attended.  Don’t take it personally, since this probably has nothign to do with you.

Post # 8
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree let FI’s family handle how they want to, and you stay out of it.  Let them know you are trying to be understanding of the uncle’s situation and don’t want to get in the middle of it.  They may just be trying to stand up for you.  Once they realize you aren’t bothered by it, they may let it drop.

Post # 10
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

I would send a quick thank you note now just saying “thank you for the beautiful wine glasses. We’re so sorry you won’t be making it to the wedding. You’ll absolutely be missed!” I think that diplomatically says that you’re not participating in the drama that your Future Mother-In-Law is causing in the family, and you appreciate his thoughtful gift.

Post # 11
1078 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I would definitely send him a thank you card now, so he doesn’t think you’ve forgotten it. Maybe also include a nice little note that says, “We’re sorry you won’t be able to make it to the wedding, and hope to see you soon.”

Post # 12
141 posts
Blushing bee

I think your plan is good…  Definitely send a card now — looks like your wedding isn’t for 2 months, which is a little long to wait to send them.  Plus, the more early ones you get out of the way now, the less annoying the rest will be after May 28!

Post # 13
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would send a card now. Since you’ve already recieved the gift & especially since you know your Fiance family is acting out of line. People have reasons for not attending weddings. I doubt if he declined the invite just to spite his family. It was very thoughtful for him (a man; on his own….) to send a gift. Most men wouldn’t even do that. I say go with what has been mentioned above. Send a thank you for the glasses and sorry he can’t attend & you’ll miss him.

Post # 14
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

There is always going to be something.  Honestly, if he doesn’t want to be there would you really want him to be there?  And if he sent a cheap gift it’s really the thought that counts.  Considering what weddings costs aren’t you glad he said he couldn’t make it rather than RSVP’ing yes and not showing? 

Post # 16
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

This sounds really horrible and maybe like they are looking for an excuse not to speak to the uncle. I could be reading too much into it but honestly-what happend isn’t that big of a deal. He can’t come, he sent a gift, and an email (even though it was late getting to you.) he did nothing wrong and it sounds like the rest of the family has the problem. maybe the uncle feels uncomfortable around his family.

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