Weddingbee boards

I just need to vent, but hope others can relate and appreciate this.

So FI's second cousin's live-in girlfriend of several years, on his dad's side (folks we don't socialize with, care to socialize with, and thankfully don't see much during the year), has still yet to rsvp.  Our date was over 11 days ago.  FI contacted the cousin't mother, since they moved and didn't give anyone else their contact info.  We were told about 5 days ago that his going, still no word about his life-in gf.

Mind you, we sent out save the dates back in November since we are getting married over a holiday weekend, and to give folks a heads up for babysitters, etc.  They were mailed an invite, with a postage paid envelope, and yet we still had to hunt these folks down and we only know that a part of the couple is going.

FI, who keeps telling me he understands my view, doesn't want to create waves/alienate his dad.  I say, you'll be 37, we are paying for our wedding, and it's beyond rude that these folks weren't courteous enough to return our rsvp and we had to hunt them down when we are trying to finalize matters for the wedding.  I don't think if he has an adult conversation with his dad about his cousins' manners that it would create a problem.

If they will act like this for a big day in our lives, whose to say they can be counted on (though I have no desire to ever invite them to any event ever again).  FI says I need to step back and just not lose site of the day.  I know he's right, but it irks me that he doesn't get having a few people (his boss is also screwing us around) is rude and obnoxious and makes our job harder.  If we are going to have more empty slots, I need to know now whether to reduce table numbers, which means arranging seating, changing floral arrangement, and not being able to print out my seating chart. 

I am just appalled at the lack of courtesy, especially for someone related to the family that he can't just put the kabosh on this and say "look, we've been more than patient, but we need to know, so if we don't hear by X, then we are going to have to count her/them out."  I feel like they don't care because it's family and my feeling is that, family or not, there are rules to follow and I'm not giving anyone the benefit just because they are related to someone.

Has anyone had to deal with rude family?  Again, thank goodness I don't have to deal with these folks on a regular basis and I don't want to... They are distant enough and I won't even feel like they are my family anyway after the fact...

Yes, your FI needs to contact the cousin and ask if the gf is coming or not. If cousin doesn't give you an answer, asume she isn't coming and make your table arrangements accordingly. Same with the boss. It's a pain when people don't rsvp, especially when you make it so easy for them!

But beyond that, really try to just let it go. It's totally not worth getting upset about. Some people, especially those who haven't planned an event like a wedding before, don't realize how much their rsvp matters. Yes, it's inconsiderate of them, but it doesn't make them terrible people. And being upset about it isn't going to change them. Chances are you'll have a couple people who rsvp'ed yes who won't end up showing up as well, so even if cousin's gf shows up after saying no/not responding, you're venue will easily be able to accomodate them :)