Post # 1
I need help – My fiance’s family is large and wonderful. I’ve quickly come to realize that it’s standard in his family, when one of his cousin’s get married, they invite the entire family including aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins…which is about 50+ people. We are planning to have a small ceremony and reception and cannot accommodate his entire family.
My initial thought was when I sent the invitations and only addressed the invites to the aunts and uncles, his family would realize that we are only intending to invite aunts and uncles and no cousins or second cousins.
However, one of his cousins recently sent out invitations addressed to only the aunts and uncles with the understanding that even though cousins names are ommitted from the inner and outer envelopes, everyone is invited (even the grown up cousins who have kids and who don’t live with their parents). That doesn’t follow etiquette rules, so now I’m stuck!
I am now in the predicament of now knowing how to convey to his aunts and uncles in a polite way that no cousins will be invited. I initially asked my fiance’s mom to explain to her brothers and sisters (all 8 of them) our intent, but somehow, not one of them understood that no cousins will be invited.
I thought that I could either send the Save the Dates with a little note explaining our intentions or send a follow-up email after the Save-The-Date Cards will be received.
Any other recommendations? Any advice on wording? I want to get this done before people start planning vacations/ booking flights around our wedding. The wedding also happens to be in a desirable location so I expect a lot of people will want to come.
Post # 3
A lot of bees put the phrase “ 2 seats have been reserved in your honor” (fill in the # of, course) on the RSVP cards to definitively tell guests how many people in the party are invited. I am not saying it always works (in fact, you will find stories about that on here as well), but I think that’s about as clear as you can get without basically saying “only you, stupid!”
It might be considered premature by putting that on the Save-The-Date Cards, but you gotta do what you gotta do to get the point across.
Post # 4
Same as PP – put the number of seats reserved in their honor. If you get calls or complaints, politely tell them that their is a max capacity on your venue (true or not) and you are not able to invite so-and-so.
Good luck! From reading on here (and my own experience) people like to invite themselves…..
Post # 5
My FI’s family is just like this and I followed PPs suggestions – our RSVPS card read
We have reserved __ seats in your honor.
__ out of __ will attend.
Then we filled in the first and last blank with the number invited.
Post # 6
I agree with the PPs, but also be sure to fill your Future Mother-In-Law in on this and she can help spread the word. That way if uncles or cousins have questions they can go to her and she can explain that the venue is too small for everyone.
Post # 7
@baliahi1029: I agree with this suggestion, just be aware that you may get questions or extras, and you’ll have to gently explain that you don’t have room for extras.
I know how you feel, Fiance and I are inviting our aunts, uncles and 1st cousins (not 2nd though) and between the two of us we have 130 (not counting +1s!). We’re just inviting everyone though, but I envy the cost cutting you’ll do without the huge guest list!
Post # 9
@baliahi1029: Dang!! That’s a great idea but I’ve already made my RSVP cards. That’s such a good idea, I might re-do just the portion going to my fiance’s family (and maybe other people I would suspect who might invite an uninvited guest). Any other ideas? Do you think it’s tacky to include the note with the STD if the change in the RSVP cards isn’t an option? The capacity of the wedding venue is a legitimate concern and if uninvited guests come, they won’t get food or a chair. That’s just the harsh reality.
(I copied these invitations so that’s why it would be difficult to change the information)
Post # 10
@Farmers Market Bride: I paid money to have my RSVP cards change because I too got this suggestion after they were printed, and I totally think it was worth the headache I would of dealth with otherwise. I don’t see the note going over well, you’ll get a million calls about it.
Post # 11
@Farmers Market Bride: If the STD is in an envelope (ours were postcards), maybe you could insert a small note with the same information. I know everyone loves Vista Print, but I used 123print.com for all our stationery and made business cards into an insert that had our wedding website, contact info, etc on it, and they turned out great. I am sure you could find one to match your invites, and they are like under $10 for a hundred if I remember right. Fast turn around too.