RSVP Etiquette: # of seats have been reserved for you

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

OMGMrsW2B:  Eh, I did this. If anyone thinks it’s tacky, they don’t have to come to the wedding lol.

Post # 3
Member
6614 posts
Bee Keeper

I too think it’s a brilliant idea, though I could see my mom responding similarly to your mom. We have a relatively small wedding venue, so surprise guests could throw us past the max limit for the building. Plus, we really want to keep it an intimate event. We’re also going to have a space on the RSVP to mention how many adults and how many kids, so in that sense, the “number of seats” part could be interpreted as us welcoming kids at our wedding.

Post # 4
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

OMGMrsW2B:  That line is the best thing the Bee ever taught me.  I don’t think it’s tacky but this is coming from someone who threw her invitations through the meter at work.  And yes, I paid for them. 

Post # 6
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

OMGMrsW2B:  In previous threads, the reason that the etiquette experts have given for not liking this choice is twofold:

1. people should know that the only ones invited are the ones named on the invitation(well we all know that isn’t true for a huge number of people!)

2. if you tell them that you have reserved 2 seats, they may then assume that they are free to bring someone else if one of them can’t make it. After all, you have given them 2 seats.

Post # 7
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it’s tacky. If she is really opposed to it on the invite, I would ask her if she is willing to cover the cost of any additional “write in” guests . . . . that is, if your venue can hold any additional people. 

Post # 8
Member
628 posts
Busy bee

I’ve only recieved one invite that didn’t have a # of seats reserved for you line and that wedding didn’t require any RSVPs at all. I don’t think its tacky, its smart.

Post # 9
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Not tacky. I actually had people that thanked me for doing it, because it takes away the possibility of confusion 

Post # 10
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

OMGMrsW2B:  I did this for my RSVPs and people still added people! I had a few that were like this:

 2   seats have been reserved in your honor

and they filled in:

 4   guests will be attending

 

REALLY?! But I definitely don’t think it’s tacky to put it on there.

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

The reasoning is that it is considered less than polite to imply that your guests can’t read an invitation or that they can’t be trusted. 

PP bring up an excellent point, which is that it may imply they are free to bring anyone if someone named on the invitation can’t attend. 

People are so clueless that no matter what you do, you will have someone  that is confused  or clueless. Personally, I’d rather cater to the sensibilities of people who have common sense enough to know you don’t add your own names.  Worst comes to worst, you may have to make a few phone calls.  Chances are you will, for one reason or another, anyway. 

Post # 13
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

OMGMrsW2B:  I too plan on doing this on my RSVP cards. We have a strict number of guests we have to stay under or we break the fire code for the venue! I think it’s practical!

Ellie85:  OMG this is my fear! Did you call and correct them? Or just let them bring extra?

Post # 14
Member
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It took time, but I combined my RSVPs with menu selection —

So there would be lines like this.

 

                                                                                                     Select One

John Smith       Will Attend        Will not Attend                  Fish                Steak               Vegan

Mary Smith       Will Attend         Will not Attend                 Fish                Steak               Vegan

==============================================================================

Please RSVP by March 15

 

 

 

Post # 15
Member
1164 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

LegallyBrunetteBee:  We had two different people do this. I was super annoyed, but by the time we’d gotten these, we’d had enough people say they couldn’t come that we just said whatever to it.

But what’s bad is that one of the couples that did this was DH’s aunt and uncle. When his mom called to get their address for save the dates, his aunt’s sister was there and apparently she and her husband wanted to come. DH had never met this other couple. His parents had never met them. They weren’t really family since it was his aunt by marriage so it was basically DH’s dad’s brother’s wife’s sister and her husband. But they wanted to come. We just didn’t send them a save the date or invite thinking they would get the hint. Guess not. We also did not get a card or gift from any of them.

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