(Closed) RSVP followups and vague responses. Maybe = no?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Um no. Tell them you need a response by x date or they will be marked as a ‘no’. What the heck is wrong with them. How rude.

Post # 4
Hostess
8580 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Just let them know.. if they aren’t sure they are going to make it, you’ll check them as a no.

It is a tad rude to be so harsh.. but it’s also rude to be so vague about it – and at that cost, i totally see your point.

Post # 5
Member
7794 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“Maybe” replies are unacceptable. Phone them and ask if they’re attending. If they say “maybe”, then you tell them, “Well I’m going to have to take as a ‘no'”. That way they know they’re not on the list and can’t just turn up if there’s nothing good on TV.

Post # 6
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I think you need to tell them that you need a final answer by, say, Friday because you have to pay your vendors and you cannot wait any longer.

Post # 8
Member
168 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Atrium at the Curtis Center

Maybes are not ok in my book – I’ve told my guests we need a yes or no answer, and there are still 2 we haven’t heard from AT ALL.  I am assuming they are no’s and not including them in the final count. 

Post # 9
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I am already thinking about our RSVP follow up strategy. We have a big guest list and some guests who have no idea about wedding/social RSVP etiquette. I’m certain some of them have never been to a wedding with assigned tables, and they have no clue about why an exact RSVP is so important.

1. We are doing RSVP via website and phone. I am going to try to put something nicely in there about needing full information and if they are bringing a guest so the whole party can be seated together.

2. For people  that I suspect RSVP’d incorrectly (where I’d be surprised if they didn’t bring a guest), we’ll just give them a call and tell them we are so glad they’re coming, and we wanted to verify it was just them because we are doing seating arrangements and wouldn’t want them to be separated from their guest.

3. For people who don’t RSVP, the first thing I am going to do is give them an “out” when we call to follow up on the RSVP. I think this is key – giving them permission to say no or to save face by saying they never got the invitation. It can be awkward to tell someone you aren’t coming to their wedding, particularly face to face/over the phone, so I want to make it okay for them to tell us. It will probably go something like “Hey John, how are you? (pause) Hey, the reason I’m calling is because we sent out wedding invitations several weeks ago and haven’t heard back from you. Did you receive it? (pause) Hey, we totally understand that it is a long drive and people have lots of stuff going on. It is completely fine if you can’t make it. We do need to give a final count to the caterer later this week though and are doing assigned seating, so we need to get an exact list of who is coming. Are you planning to come?”

Post # 10
Member
3947 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I got a couple of maybe’s and worded it like this.  “I’m sorry, but I have to have a definite yes or no.  At $100 a head I have to be exact in my numbers to give to the caterer.”

Post # 11
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

After our deadline, I sent out an email something like this-

“Hi! We just wanted to follow up with you in regards to your wedding RSVP. We need to let our caterer know by DATE- if we haven’t heard from you by then, we’ll have to consider you a no. Hope you’ll be celebrating the big day with us.”

Worked perfectly. And if someone doesn’t respond to your email, and actually shows up and doesn’t have a seat? Tough $%^&^. 🙂

Post # 12
Member
615 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Mother of the Bride's residence

Yup, I put out the word post-RSVP date: if you don’t get back to me with an answer by X time, you are considered a no and there will be no chair for you. Harsh, but I had to do it, and lo and behold, none of our mystery guests actually showed up.

Post # 13
Member
10454 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d tell them I’m treating them as a No unless I get a final, for sure response by X date. Don’t save seats or meals. 

Post # 14
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I agree with others send a final phonecall/email/text them these people you need to give the final numbers to your vendors. So if they don’t respond, you will have to put them down as a no.

Post # 15
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

If someone told me maybe I’d tell them I’m not paying for them/saving them a seat.

I am dreading the RSVP hell I have coming up this year.

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