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Poor you. Have you tried calling the RSVP-challenged people? I know that's a big job with 60(!!!) of them, but maybe your family or members of your wedding party could split up the hit list.
Ugh. We just started calling people. Divided the list up between my husband, me and both sets of parents and eventually tracked almost everyone down.
That is insane? People don't understand that you can't have an unlimited supply of food available for whoever deigns to show up.
I have sent emails, texts and calls. The last date is Nov. 3rd. I am over them. If they show up, they wait. F' em. I am not accommodating anyone who couldn't put a stamped card back in the mail, nor respond to an email nor a text. They really can just be upset with me. Btw these are ALL family members. My family is soo large that I couldn't invite friends so I only invited like 5. Btw my friends rsvp'd.
When will people learn to keep their comments to themselves?!? I'm at the point where I want to tell people not to come because of their comments.
All they have to do is check yes or no on the rsvp and drop it in the mail. How hard is that?
@crebre80: haha i love your attitude now - i guess they'll learn that they ain't HBIC and have to walk on out to the mailbox and send back their RSVP card like the rest of the world. weirdos. they seem to be so concerned with YOUR etiquette that they're ignoring their own! old people are like that though lol. sawwi!
Personally, if you can, I'd sic someone else on these people (re: your aunts) like your mom to set 'em straight. If she pulls rank, then they're more likely to stfu.
@jenny: if I sic my mom on them they won't show up lol!!! She is known as the mean one.
@elliestan: these aunts are in their early 40s!!! They are just bitter b.tches that I shouldn't have invited. And yeppers they will wait. If I don't do anything else I will make them sit outside.
It boggles my mind that anyone has that much difficulty returning an RSVP card. Seriously people - check the box next to "yes" or "no" and put the damn thing in a mailbox! Is this so intellectually challenging that some people just cannot handle it? Gah!!
@crebre80: My mama is known as the mean one or the one who doesn't mind keeping it real. I've been sticking her on a lot of people, and I am starting to act like her now. lol I say have your mama deal with them.
LOL! I just remembered talking to my youngest sister the other day and she bitched over having to snail mail something. When I asked her what the problem was, she said "Oh, I hate having to walk to the post office."
...
"Uh, you know that the mailmen come to you. You can just put the mail in your mailbox, raise the flag, and they'll pick it up from you."
"Really?" she said.
I swear, she's not a dummy--she's in school at Stanford--but sometimes I wonder. Maybe you've got guests who've forgotten such charms of the USPS?
I am going to dread the RSVP process. Hope things work out/no more comments from your aunts.
Wow, how ridiculous! This is the reason I've been changing my mind from an open seating layout (pretty common around here) to a specified seating chart so that those who feel free to show up without an RSVP will be waiting until those who have RSVP'd are properly seated and fed. Also, our venue (and others that we'd checked out) do not allow you to bring home the additional food left over. So are they really expecting you to order 60 extra plates that may never be eaten by guests and that you cannot bring home?! Glad you were able to track most of them down.
@NDBee: Oh god, please don't do the open seating thing. As the single girl at the wedding outside her regular social circle, it was like being the new kid in the junior high cafeteria. But your reason is good too. Screw non-RSVPers.
I honestly wasn't going to do place cards, but after this mess, I just friggin might. And I will seat their as.ses in the back by the bathroom for the "extras". I mean seriously they have gone crazy. I could just do reserved tables and have the guests who rsvp'd at them and everyone else at the empty tables with no chairs. I will have them lug the chairs in from the ceremony (the deck outside) instead of having the pretty black self-tie chair covers.
It's possible that they don't pick up where she lives.
In the suburbs where I grew up, the mailman would pick up outgoing mail if we put the little flag up.
Now I live in the city. Our mail is delivered to our mailbox at our house, but if we want to send anything, we have to drop it off in a blue mailbox (there are several near my house) or take it to the post office.
I found this confusing at first.
No, she lives in Palo Alto--they pick up. She's just being 'my sister,' so to speak :)
I am so sorry, just one more thing you really don't need to deal with right now. I would do the same thing, if they can't be bothered to RSVP then forget them. What is crazy is that they all know what is going on in your life right now and they still behave that way, unbelievable.
@tks: they don't know on my mom's side. I didn't feel it was any of their business and my dad's side is being very common right now.
@crebre80: My mom says, while your making lemonade from their lemons, they can sit back on their laurels and suck on the rhines. Keep your chin up girl! ;)
I like your mom!! Btw all aunts hv rsvp'd... Except the one that made such a stink about rsvp'g. Guess she has her principals and I hv mine, but I will have a seat at the reception ;)
crebre80: you are making me dread the RSVP part. I hope mine goes good but I already have about 5 people that are telling me they are not going to RSVP. Why is it that hard to do?
Okay I'm sorry but.... I don't get it. I have NEVER heard that you are supposed to have extra seats? I saw it on an episode of 4 weddings once though where the bride did the same thing and those who RSVP'd had seats inside and those who didn't had to sit on the porch. At the time I was super appalled, but if her family was acting like yours I wish she (and you) would've had bouncers! lol. Is this some kind of cultural thing? In Ohio if you don't RSVP, you don't go, period.
We tracked down about 50 rsvps through phone calls/Facebook, etc. We've only seated the people who rsvp'ed. The reception is on a Naval Station, so we had to have a guest list turned in by today for base access. And I told people that they had to rsvp to be on the list to get base access.
@Nola: be prepared in Louisiana most don't RSVP at all....
@corgs: could be. They can come in, they just will have to carry their seats from the ceremony. Everyone else will have a predetermined seat/place setting etc. As far as culture goes most black people in the south that I have seen don't RSVP (I am black). But in the north and other regions where it is acceptable forms of practice, they do. Down here a wedding is looked at as a huge party. I have no problems at all with that except I am footing the bill and if I wouldn't have put stamps on the rsvp cards, they would have had something to say about it. I chose my venue because it was intimate and quaint. Right now I have about 62 or so guests that have rsvp'd. The venue comes with chairs for 75. I will have to rent chairs for the ceremony portion, but honestly I am not sure how many outdoor chairs I will get, will it be 50 or so I am not sure. The extra money I spent on stamps could have been put towards the 1.25 chair rental but that is neither here nor there.
Did I mention that very few of my father's side hv rsvp'd lol!!!!!!!
@viola: at least you won't have wedding crashers since they won't be allowed on base lol!
A huge number of our guests are kids and probably will be sharing seats anyway or not seated because we have a huge amount of outdoor activity for them as well.... So this is probably me having a moment over nothing.
@crebre80:Maybe you should hand them the bill and the breakdown of expenses so the see nothing is free. We have budgeted for 80 people period! We have invited 60 plus our wedding party! They can RSVP online, via phone...etc. It is rude not to RSVP when it only takes 2 minutes! I am sorry...so stressful!
@MrsAF: my prob is that I overinvited out of obligation. So I honestly am going to rent more chairs etc. I shouldn't have invited some people. For example I KNEW that a cousin I haven't spoken to in a few years wasn't coming but I invited him anyway. Another cousin supposedly only shows up for receptions, but he will be disappointed because I am not having dancing, neither of us dance unless we are drunk lol!!!! It will be more like a brunch soiree with great food and music played on a CD player very fresh and crisp.
As far as RSVPs go. I got 4 email rsvp's totalling 13 people. One cousin physically mailed hers in after the email. But 13 people is a lot to just send an email in for.
@crebre80:OH...OBLIGATION...a four letter word! I hope the best for you. I always find it funny at how petty people can be, you have not talked to them in years but the moment you get married they are your bff!
@mrs. : totally agree or they assume they can tell you whatever they want.
You could try to send out an email saying if you don't hear back you won't have space for them. Also spread that through the grapevine. It's ridiculous to expect you to encourage their rude behavior by putting out extra seats and paying for extra food just in case they decide they want to come.
I actually saw on a wedding show once the couple had their DOC turn people away at the door who weren't invited or didn't RSVP. Could you do something like that?
I just texted an uncle so I should have most answers really soon. But the killer is my uncle's stepdaughter just got married and even he didn't send an rsvp (he is on the other side of the fam) but thank goodness he responds to texts and is hubting down folks on his side.
@crebre80: Yeah screw that. Yeah, let me budget for some possible extra guests. I have gone to weddings where there was a list. Just make sure you put names in alphabetical order. It makes it way easier to find people on the list. If my family was acting like that, I would have a list too.
@crebre80: ugh that is so frustrating. I guess there isn't that much you can do if that is the "way its done" there, but I would be SUPER annoyed. Then again, trying to grocery shop in North Carolina has made me want to shoot myself... so I think I have that impatient/annoyed northerner thing going on (so I'm told by my southern friends anyways haha).
@corgs:hilarious!!!!
@misstattoo: yeah I will alphabetize it... Great idea btw!!!!
Update: I now have 78 people rsvp yes. I am thinking we will have about 90 to 100 people at the wedding. My fi asked for an invite today (wtf?!) I almost cried. I am thinking we will have 10 or so from here, 15 including us possibly more attending. We have only had one person RSVP no. EVERY other person said yes....
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Beekeeper
So I now dwell in RSVP hell. My aunts have told people that they don't undersand why I am asking for the RSVPs back because I am supposed to have extra seats anyway.
Yep they are right I am supposed to have 10% over the amount that RSVP'd. Which means 60 seats. Btw 60 is about 1/2 of the friggin invited guest list. I am over it :D. I will put out about 60-65 seats which is all that the venue has. The end. I will rent about 30 chairs and that's that.
Another aunt said that I should always set extra seats out anyway and she doesn't understand why people who are getting married and can't afford it don't just go to the courthouse. Um excuse me?! It not only has to do with chairs but with napkins, chargers, linens, centerpieces etc.
Of course none of this was said to me or my mom. I mentioned to her that I will do a VIP list and that if people "show up" they will come in after the folks on the VIP list and eat after them. Can you believe this?!
My cousin that it was told too basically said well if she doesn't know how many are coming, how is she going to feed everyone?! To which the response was "she should budget for more"... wtf ever.
Whew that was long!!!