RSVP Headache….

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
7084 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Many people wait until the last minute to send in RSVPs. I’d wait until a few days past the deadline and then start contacting people.

Post # 3
Member
42490 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Maybride2006:  Wait until a few days after the deadline then contact people using whatever method you normally use to communicate. If you email, make sure you BCC so there is no mass group where everyone knows who else has not responded.

Hi___.

We have not received an rsvp for our wedding. We need the final numbers for the caterer. If we don’t hear from you by ____, we will have to assume you are unable to attend and will miss you at the wedding.

___

I think you can safely assume your bridesmaids are coming, but if they have plus ones or SO’s that were invited, you also need to clarify whether or not they are attending.

Post # 4
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Maybride2006:  I think that you sound quite stressed and that you should just take a moment to breath! 🙂 I wouldn’t freak out about the bridal party. In the past I was a bridesmaid who didn’t understand that I had to RSVP. Luckily, the bride didn’t mind because she assumed that since I bought the dress I was coming to the wedding…but I can understand you wanting a confirmed yes or no especially if they’re bringing dates.  I’d send your bridal party a quick text and ask them if they are coming with guests just to confirm. As for your guests, I’ve been told countless times that a lot of people wait LITERALLY to the last minute… so wait until the due date and then I’d start calling them to confirm. Sometimes people just forget. If you don’t want to do the calling maybe ask your Mom or someone if they mind?

Post # 5
Member
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

WEll if you tell a friend you are upset cause people can’t come to your wedding, then that friend likely is going to be hesitant to be honest and tell you the same. You really can’t be offended by people not coming for financial, or most other reasons. It’s not personal, everyone has to make their own choice when they are invited to weddings.  Yes your BM’s may be behind on RSVPing beacuse they know you know they are coming. And you still have a week so you need to give those people that week. After that you can ask people what they are doing. Again though, you can’t take no’s personal.

Post # 7
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I’m in the same boat as you;  I have a week until the deadline, and I’m missing 100 some RSVPs out of the same ammount of invites.  Now is not the time to follow up, as they aren’t due for another week.  If you set a deadline, you can’t panic or start getting mad about not getting something before the deadline.  It would be like if your teacher in school told you an assignment was due on Friday, but asked you to hand it in on Thursday.  Why would they ever expect for you to be done?

As for the bridal party I have committed the faux pas of not RSVPing when I was in the bridal party, and so has some of my bridal party.  They did not formally RSVP, but considering they got their attire sorted, I’m counting them as coming. 

The girl who asked for the plus one may have been financially strained and not be able to come without her friend.  If her friend goes with her, she can split hotel rooms, travel costs, ect.  She may be cash strapped without her friend.  Doesn’t mean she needed to shift that burdon to you, but just offering an explanation. 

You will also find in RSVPing, people feel bad about saying no, or think that saying nothing is saying no.  People don’t like to say no, espcially to something they feel is important.

Also, remember that your invites are just that, an invite, not a summons.  Just because you went to thier wedding, or feel close to them, doesn’t mean that your wedding needs to take top billing to what ever else is going on in their lives. 

Post # 8
Member
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Maybride2006:  I think A LOT of people experience the same frustrations with RSVP’s.  As the Bride, you obviously want a response, and obviously have an expectation when you send them on who will be there, and whom will not.  And certainly, feel that by NOW (a week out) your non-RSVPers know if they are coming or not!  My advice…take a step back from the process, and put yourself in ‘their shoes’.  

Of those whom did not respond in a timely matter, a lot just simply read the return by date wrong, and thought they had more time.  And most likely had stuck on their fridge, went about their daily lives and priorities, and completey FORGOT (because, this statement is true no matter what….your day is always most important to you, and for others it is one day they will enjoy, but will never know the blood, sweat and tears that went into it!).  

Of the Bridal party members that did not respond, they said ‘well, you know we will be there!’ (again, true :)).  

Of those that were not sure, they wanted to give us a correct response, rather than call us ‘later’ to tell us their yes is a no, or their no is a yes.  (Which, I understood, because having a May wedding means I am contending with graduations, proms, Communions, etc!).  

If you take a step, you will realize that they most likely are not intending to stress you out, but have a ‘valid’ reason for waiting til the last minute!  In the meantime, because my RSVP has come and gone, here is what I started doing a week before they were due:

1) I designated the list, and asked a trusted family member from whomever’s side they were on to reach out when the time came.  We took care of friends.  

2) I reached out to friends, etc, via a simple non-pressure related text, stating to let me know, no worries one way or the other, etc.

Our last RSVP came in a week overdue, after a verbal response that it was going in the mail, and it ended up being OK because I had them coming in 3 weeks before I actually needed final numbers?!  

Hang in there 🙂  

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