(Closed) RSVP HELL!!!

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8018 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Personally I don’t understand why people worry about this before the due date has passed. Why give yourself extra stress? Either you will get all your RSVP’s back by the due date or you will have to chase the few that don’t.

Post # 4
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Omg, I totally feel ya. I posted on our December RSVP thread, but I’m getting similar responses from people. I’ve never, ever taken a long time to send my RSVP in for anything and I’ve never told anyone “oh yeah, of course I’m coming, you already know that.” I just don’t get people.

The RSVP is a yes or no option. It’s very simple. I don’t get why everyone makes it such a difficult process!

Post # 5
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MadameTussaud:  I agree.  The RSVPs bring out the cray in people!  It’s so weird.

Post # 6
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It’s not always as simple as it seems. I work straight nights…6 nights a week…and if I want to attend a wedding I have to request a night off from work. Such requests for changes to vacation/holidays will not be decided upon until about 6 weeks prior at the earliest. This leaves me waiting to hear back from work so I can respond appropriately and sometimes I have to approach them to get an answer that early. Do I like waiting until the last possible second? No…but I have no choice in the matter.

Just because it’s not an issue for some does not mean it isn’t for another. 

Post # 8
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It seems that generally the people with RSVP issues tend to be the ones who send out invites pretty far in advance, partially because honestly some people just aren’t 100% sure of whether or not they can attend something in December when it’s very early October – like @Luayne: said, some people’s jobs won’t even confirm the day off that far in advance. I sent out invites a little over a month before my wedding and most people were pretty prompt about returning them. Sorry, I know that’s not helpful since yours are already out, but maybe it will help some other brides who haven’t yet.

I’d say my only RSVP horror story is that I had to track down DH’s cousin to find out whether or not she and her family were coming. She said they were, and told me that her parents (who also didn’t turn in their RSVP) were coming too. Well, on the wedding day her parents decided they’d rather take a nap, and the kids wanted to hang out with friends…so what was supposed to be a table of eight had only two people sitting at it, and I don’t even want to think about how much $$ was wasted on them not showing up. They looked pretty silly at a table all by themselves but it served them right, they did the same thing for the shower where they RSVPed with their kids then didn’t bring them.

Post # 9
Member
8018 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@cayday19:  But isn’t a facebook message or text a form of RSVP?

Post # 10
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee

@j_jaye:  if I wanted a Facebook message RSVP, I would have sent a Facebook invite. I took my time to go to the post office, make the invitations, fill out the RSVP card and envelope for my guests, and paid for and affixed their stamp for them. The very least they could do is check yes or no in regards to if they are coming and write the names of whom is attending, then seal the card in the envelope and mail back.

Post # 11
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

@cayday19:  I completely understand. But most of our rsvp’s came in the last couple of days before the due date. I kept thinking I could get a giant stack in the  mailbox, but it never happened. They all just trickled in slowly and by the time the due date passed we only had a few people that we needed to follow up with. Also, our due date was one moth before our wedding, so you did send  yours a bit early. Wait until the due date passes before you start stressing 🙂

Post # 12
Member
4417 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You probably are going to find that you have trouble getting them back. That seems to be a trend with invitations that are sent out several months before the wedding. They do still have three weeks to respond. 

I hate to be a downer. I understand why you’d like them to use your RSVP cards, but if someone replys via Facebook or email, they have RSVP’s. There is no rule that says they have to use the card you included with your invitation. In fact, there was a time when it was more proper to send a personal note as an RSVP. 

My post is coming off as critical, but it really isn’t meant to be. Unfortunately, you’re going to have to contact the people who don’t give you their names. You’re also going to have to contact the people who didn’t respond if they haven’t responded in three weeks. But I don’t think it’s appropriate to insist that they send back your RSVP card if they sent you a facebook message or an email. 

My horor story was one of my husband’s cousins responded that there would be seven people coming. Only two people were invited. She took it upon herself to invite her children and their SOs. I had to call her and tell her we couldn’t accept additional people, because of the size of our venue, blah, blah, blah… Anyway, when I contacted her, I must have pissed her off, even though she was nice on the phone, because she didn’t bother to show up. After that, I was glad I didn’t take her reservation for seven! It would have cost me an additional $250!!! 

 

Post # 13
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I am so petrified of when this time happens in our planning!!! Our guest list will be mostly the under 26 set so…yikes. I’ve seen how several of my guests  behave and treat weddings. They use it as a party, they get hammered, they don’t RSVP/assume plus ones, and they never bring  cards/gifts. I’d like to send them etiquette handbooks, but I get it. They’re young and don’t know better. That being said…RSVP nightmares are the worst. I hope you don’t have to spend a long time chasing them down! : )

 

Post # 14
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We sent out our invitations early and had waves of responses: A big stack in the first few days and then the rest trickled in. We had to follow up with around 20% of attendees. I just told people, “Hey, checking in about whether you can make our wedding or not. We need to finalize numbers in the next few days. We really hope you can join us! Let me know.” That worked for most people.

If people responded by phone or something, I asked if they would do me a favor and stick the (pre-addressed, stamped!) card in the mail because it was easier for us to keep track that way, which people were understanding about.

Post # 15
Member
1400 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Aaaah i understand you completely! I definitely got a “maybe” from one of my best friends. it’s in another country from where most of my people live, so when i invited a handful of friends i was 100% that while they were invited and i’d love to have them there, i understood that it was a lot of money and time and energy to see me for very little time, so i in no way expected them to come. one girl told me she wouldn’t know until the last minute if she was able to come, and that she’d just squeeze in or sit on someone’s lap during dinner if she decided to come hahaha… what is that? why can’t people just get behind the idea of a yes or a no when they should know how much planning and money is involved?

Post # 16
Member
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

For one I am sorry you are dealing with this. We had 150 and had the same problem! Ppl texting or Facebooking us saying ” Oh you know we are coming” it even got to the place where ppl wasn’t putting names on the flipping cards. Some people just don’t care or understand why the bride and groom needs back the cards for many reasons. Tsk tsk tsk… It’s out of your hands. What I did was made a event page on Facebook (sounds dumb but worked) for ppl to RSVP and tell us the name of their +1. I just wish i would have known that from jump i would have saved some money

The topic ‘RSVP HELL!!!’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors