Post # 1
A lot of my fiancés friends and family are from out of town. I appreciate that many are traveling to be with us on our special day. However; a few friends refuse to give an answer of whether they can attend or not and the wedding is only 2 weeks and a bit away. They have simply said that they’ll let us know in a week.
I have tried to be respectful but when six meals or more meals/place settings are maybes (and my fiancé really and truly wants them to be there) it’s very difficult to finalize seating charts and a bit frustrating when paying. I have come to the conclusion that we need a yes or no response from these guests and if they cannot offer us one, it is automatically a no. Of course, letting them know that we need final numbers asap and if they for some reason decide they can make it, last minute, we can see what can be done.
Is this fair? Do you have any suggestions for dealing with these “last minute decision making” guests?
Note: Our RSVP deadline was over a month and a half ago…
Post # 3
You are absolutely in the right here. You can’t “maybe” attend a wedding when that means a mess up for seating chart, waste of food and money, etc. Give them an ultimatum. If they still refuse, don’t plan for them. your venue should be able to squeeze them in anyway if they do show last minute.
If they refuse to undertand this, you definitely should explain why this is a problem for you.
Post # 4
That is just rude of them!
If it were me, I’d call or email them and say, “Just checking-in with you, we have to give a final count to our caterer on XX/XX and we need to know if you can attend.” If you get another “We’re not sure yet…” Say that unfortunately you have to have firm numbers by the deadline so it would be best to mark them as a “no.”
I don’t know what kind of jerks don’t make a wedding a priority – you should know if you can go weeks in advance!
Post # 5
I’m having the same problem with friends of our parents. Our parents are saying Sally is coming and may bring her husband or might not, for example. So frustrating! I just think it’s so rude of them!
Post # 6
A cousin of mine told me he could “maybe” come to the wedding, I told him “Maybe I’ll save you a chair, and maybe you’ll have a meal. I have to turn in my catering numbers Friday evening, so if I don’t hear from you by then I’ll have to assume you won’t be able to make it. Sorry.”
I left it at that. He didn’t get back to me, so I’m putting him down as a “no”! If he shows up, he’ll have to sit at the extra table in the back. Sorry buddy- it isn’t rocket science!
Post # 7
I would be so mad!
IMO they would have to have a seriously good excuse i.e. critically ill friend. At two weeks I’d just call them and ask for a straight answer, and say if they can’t agree to coming, you’ll have to put them down as a no (or they can come but won’t get food at sit down).
Regarding table plan, I have the same frustration wiht people who previously said they were coming, but now aren’t, and couples who are ‘taking a break’. I’m just taking them off tables (which are round) and spreading people out… not doing the table plan another time. And anyway, it’s only for 2/3 hours. People should just be able to grow up and make polite conversation and be happy for us, and not winge because they’re not on a particular table.
Post # 8
I think you are being reasonable, they don’t get to choose when to rsvp. I don’t know about you but two weeks out I have to give multiple vendors final head counts, final order numbers for rentals. I would contact this guest and tell them you have to give your vendors the final numbers and if they don’t respond or are a maybe then you have to count it as a no!
Post # 9
I agree with PPs, “maybe” is not an appropriate or acceptable response to a wedding invitation!
I’d phone them tonight and let them know you need to know by Sunday because your final numbers are due to the venue. If they are unable to provide an answer, you’ll have to mark them as a no.
Don’t feel badly for asking them, they are being incredibly rude!
Post # 10
Call them up with a date that you absolutely must know by (but be reasonable, if you really don’t need to know to tell the caterer then I wouldn’t push it, since FI wants them there.)
BUT, I do think that your overly early RSVP deadline is also to blame for some of the maybe responses. It is not polite to ask your guests to confirm any earlier then 3-4 weeks before your event. Not everyone knows their schedules that far in advance.
Post # 11
Thank you for the wonderful advice everyone! 🙂
Post # 12
Great question – I just got one of these last night for 5 people. I’m erring on the side of maybe not. Sheesh people.