RSVP Nightmares!!!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
975 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Banff, Alberta

There is no way I would travel to a destination wedding if FH wasn’t able to go because I am not allowed a guest (actually happening to me, as I am invited to my cousins wedding but no one is allowed to bring their SO or kids). So I actually side with your guests on that one. And obviously you would turn it into a vacation! Who would spend that much on a flight and everything and JUST attend a wedding while they are there?! But late RSVP’s and not answering is rude and mind numbly annoying. People are embarassed to say “no” and don’t realize it is far worse to not respond at all. 

Post # 5
133 posts
Blushing bee

So my I would have been invited alone because we weren’t living together? I’d definitely decline. I’m not trying to be rude, but you should definitely accommodate ALL SOs, especially for a wedding that’s out of the country. I wouldn’t want to travel alone. 

Post # 7
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@luandstephgetmarried:  I am also having my wedding in PR! =) Where are you having yours?

I really hope I don’t have to deal with RSVP nightmare like yours though =(

But also, I am letting single friends bring whoever they want even if they are not in a relationship. It is a destination wedding where people will turn it into a vacation, and having someone else to split the cost of hotel will help out a lot. I also don’t plan on having that many people at my wedding, so it’s doable for me, but if you have a lot of guests already, I understand why you might not want additional friends of friends, etc. Good luck!

Post # 10
133 posts
Blushing bee

@luandstephgetmarried:  That makes sense. And I completely understand wanting/needing to know who is coming. We had a hard time with that, so I can’t imaging trying to do it for a destination wedding. Good luck.

Post # 11
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@luandstephgetmarried:  You are likely having a smaller wedding than if you married at home, therfore you are likely spending less because you are having a DW.

Your guests however are being asked to spend thousands of dollars to attend your destination wedding, much more than it would cost them to attend your wedding if it were local.

It is unrealistic to expect that they will want to travel alone, even if they know others who will be at the wedding.  Booking  a hotel room as a single costs way more than two people booking at the “double” rate. Your wedding will also not occupy the entire time they are away. It is normal for them to want someone to travel and do things with.

You are perfectly entitled not to invite their traveling companion to the wedding itself (although that could be perceived as a bit scrooge-like), but you do not get to control who they travel with.

You are not the only bride who has to chase down rsvp’s, so welcome to that club. At some point you can just tell people that “having not heard from you, we are assuming that you are unable to attend. We will miss you at the wedding.”

Post # 12
5248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@luandstephgetmarried:  I had a destination wedding in Cuba and we had 70 guests. Almost all of our friends brought a plus 1 becauee who in there right mind wants to travel alone? WE did ask that all guest let us know if they are bringing someone first and we did have a few surprises but not anything we couldnt work out. Can’t your friends who want to bring someone for a vacation jsut bring them but not have them attend the actual wedding? Is the wedding very expensive in PR?

Post # 16
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@luandstephgetmarried:  I feel your pain!  As I’ve discussed in other posts on here, I feel like weddings make people crazy.  Mostly, its family memembers that havent paid for a wedding in the past 20 years that dont realize how expensive (and time consuming!!) it is to plan a wedding.  They think they can tell you at the last minute that you’re coming like if its a backyard bbq. So annoying!

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