RSVP "no" 's

posted 3 years ago in Paper
Post # 3
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

I am probably the exception, but we ended up inviting about 30 people more than we intended (not more than our venue could hold, and not more than we could afford, so no rules broken there). I was hoping for more “no”s to be honest.

That said, while I am not upset about them, there are a couple of people not coming that I would have really liked to have there–2 of my FI’s friends who have been friends with him for decades both declined, so I felt bad for him on that. My boss and a coworker have both regretted because they will be out of town on a work related trip.

Out of 75 invites sent, I expect 14 regrets. Our RSVP deadline was Monday, but they are still rolling in.

It is what it is, and you can’t take it personally. The why in all likelihood has absolutely nothing to do with you, and while it’s natural to wonder, if someone has medical issues, or financial strain, they probably don’t want to share that.

Post # 5
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You just spent the last upteenth months planning a fabulous day for your guests and they dared to say no!  I am with you.  It is disappointing and it does make me grumpy too.  I have to call a guest today and I pretty much figure she’s going to tell me they’re not coming.

Post # 7
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@SeaSalt:  +1. If I had to RSVP “no” then I would want to leave it at that.

Post # 8
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@classical_wolf:  For our wedding I got annoyed when people I expected to go (such as close friends and family members) sent in an RSVP of no and give a reason.  No phone calls or texts to me or my parents about it.  But I guess it shows how relationships and priorities change.

Post # 10
Member
6859 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I agree that a stark “no” sounds and IMO IS abrupt.  Did you do the pre-printed check in the box reply cards?  If so, people may feel they are following instructions.   I always write a long hand reply in the language of the invitation.  If it’s someone close, there is a major conflict,  and I feel comfortable saying what it is, I will call. 

 

Post # 12
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

@classical_wolf:  Tell the little voice to shut up.

Some “No”s will be more bothersome than others of course. My Fi’s friends bothered me more than one of my friends who couldn’t come.  It is ok to be disappointed, but at the same time, it’s important to remember that everyone else’s lives and problems don’t stop just because you/we are getting married, and that your/our wedding is not nearly as important to anyone else as it is to us.

(I am actually trying to help my mom come to grips with these same feelings, as she is planning an At Home reception for us where she lives for a week after the wedding, and her step-daughter has also planned a party for her son on the same day, despite my mother confirming her date last year.  What it means is that some people my mom wants at her party won’t be there, but people have different priorities than she does, and she shouldn’t take it personally)

Post # 14
Member
6525 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@classical_wolf:  THe people that sad no, I was hoping they would say no because we over invited.

IF everyone had said yes, we would have had 220 people at the wedding! We got all the RSVPs back and we are at a good number now, 165! wheewww.

Post # 16
Member
2042 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@classical_wolf:  I am having several Nos coming back too.  I planned on having around 1/3 come back as Nos.  A lot of family lives out of state.  We sent out invites to around 270 people and I expect 150-180 to say yes.  But I do get bummed out when I really expected a yes and I get back a No.  🙁

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