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Oh wow...that is a tough situation. My mom is telling me to invite her sister in law too, and she said that the lady won't come. Now I'm worried too. But back to you, that is TOTALLY unacceptable. You should call and ask them specifically who they are bringing and go on from there...
You can always call and pretend you didn't get the RSVP. When they try to tell you over the phone that they are adding 9 extra people (which would be really bold!) you can address the fact that only they are invited (or maybe +1 but certainly not +9)!
That's really unacceptable. I'd call them, pretend like it's a misunderstanding and let each of them know that invitation is only for 1 person. +9 is absolutely ridiculous!
I'm curious to see your wording but unless you wrote to Sister in law and family, adding 5 and 9 people is unacceptable. You probably could have your mother call but only if you think she won't get convinced to add all these extra people. If not, I would do it myself.
I would call and very nicely say "we received your rsvp and we are so happy that you can make it. However, unfortunately, due to restrictions imposed by our venue we cannot accomodate 5/9 guests from your family. I understand if you can't come without your family, but we hope you can still make it alone/with a guest."
@Amy43026: the wording was to Miss Carla Smith...that's all...i didn't write and family or anything, so i don't understand why they're sending an rsvp for 9 people
Someone needs to call and tell them no!
Preferrably your mom, but since you are the bride, I think it would be fine if you called.
@Agaskins24: I meant the wording of your invitation. Was there a spot to fill I'm a number or write names or anything? This is so crazy to me they would do this! I would love to see a pic of their response card, that they just scribbled +9 like that's normal....ridiculous
I think whoever formally sent the invitation should call.
Eg, my invitations said, "Mr. and Mrs. brides parents and Mr. and Mrs. grooms parents request the honor of your presence..." So in that case one of the parents should call. But, if the invitation is actually in your name, "John and Jane invite you to attend their wedding..." then and only then should you call.
I agree with other posters that you should contact them and I think it's fine to just be perfectly honest and gracious and call them and say something like:
"Hi it's Agaskins24, I just recieved your RSVP card and I am so happy that you are able to attend, however I think that there has been a misunderstanding as the invitation was meant only for you and one guest. I hope that this doesn't change your plans and that you are still able to come but unfortunately we are unable to accomodate the people that you added to the response."
Completely polite, and true because OBVIOUSLY they didn't understand.
I think that is absurd. If I got an invitation and it was only addressed to me, I might return it with just my name, and if I'm close to the bride/groom, ask if my live in boyfriend or other serious significant other could come, but if they said, budget's really tight, we can't really do more 1+'s, I'd understand. I don't want to be ungrateful-- I got an invite! Adding 9, or 5, or even 1 without even having the decency to check with the bride is just rude.
that is so many people!!! i can see them accidentally thinking they got to bring ONE person.. but to assume they could bring 5 or 9?! that is insane! sorry you have been put in this situation!
@Amy43026: Ooh ok it was a M__________ line for their name and then below that it said plus one and a line for the name of their guest. So my fh and i had included a possible one in our head count in case they decided to come and she crossed the plus one out and wrote the 9 along with the meal selections...i had to go get my glasses when i looked at it because i was sure i read it wrong lol
Thanks so much ladies for your help! My mom called me a bridezilla because i asked her to call them and let them know that it wasn't ok to add that many people. I feel so much better knowing that i'm not being unreasonable...
Totally not bridezilla! That's just rude, especially if you're not close to them AND it's not like she was talking to your mom saying, oh what about THAT branch of the family.... she can't just invite her whole neighborhood. She ain't paying the bills! Honestly, if anyone did that to me, I wouldn't even want them to come at that point! The nerve!
@Agaskins24: What??! No way you're bridezilla on this one. They added an additional 14 people!!!! That is soooo unbelievably rude and unnecessary, don't cave!
Don't let your mom do this--she's not going to do it or she's going to make you look bad. You have to do it. They invited 14 extra people! If you're paying $20 per guest, that's $280!! You should call the aunts and let them know that you are sorry for any confusion but the invitation was meant for them only and that your venue and budget cannot accomodate the extra guests.
Honestly, that is ridiculously insane and rude of them to invite extra people, especially that many. You are not a bridezilla, they are rude.
@zomgwut: Agreed. And not only food costs, you now have at least 2 new tables, centerpieces, etc.
OP- I'd follow the lead of @Lulusmom: & @ShesElectric:. If your mother won't call because you're being a 'bridezilla' (soooooo not the case) then do it yourself. +5 is a lot, +9 is insane! Ooor, if your mom just demands that you do no such thing, then you tell her the only way it's not happening is if she writes you out a check for the additional cost of seating and feeding 14 extra guests (or even 16, since SILS for sure won't come). Bah!
Definitely contact them and straighten things out! Fourteen extra guests is ridiculous.
Oh. My. Gosh. I would fall over. What kind of weddings are they attending where they've been able to bring whomever they please?! That's insane. Tell your Mom that either she pays, or she calls and explains to them the situation. She wanted you to invite them, it's only fair she respects your wishes and deals with it.
@Lulusmom: Agreed.
We had a few people do this too, but like "plus our three kids" not "plus my nine-person entourage." That's nuts. It's not acceptable, but somehow, people haven't been to a wedding before in their lives and think it's a big fun day with no added expenses because of their ten person posse.
also... aren't your mom's sister in laws your aunts?
@Agaskins24:Omg, i can't believe they actually crossed out a number! Who are these crazy sister in laws. Why do they need a pose? Are thy real housewives or something lol. They obviously conspired together since they both did the same thing, too bad you can't uninvite them period.
Thanks ladies i'll be sure to call myself because i'm thinking my mom will be persuaded. I mean if we had unlimited funds and unlimited space then maybe it would be ok...but being that space is limited there's no way possible we could fit extra tables and all to accomodate them. I feel bad but at the same time there's no way to avoid having to make the phone call...
They're my stepdad's sisters and since they don't even talk to me i just don't really consider them anything...i think that's part of the reason i'm shocked they even want to come lol
@Amy43026: lol real housewives lol when i saw the numbers crossed i was like wth?? I guess they're the divas honoring us with their presence
Wow don't feel bad! Not even if you had unlimited funds and space should you feel bad. I understand if they were adding their children, I would have given them the benefit of the doubt that they don't know proper wedding ettique as your invite clearly states only to that one person. YOu have to be pretty damn balsy to cross it off and add plus 5, let alone plus 9!!! Hope you get this all sorted out. That is just plain ridiculous!!!!!
That's almost funny it's so ridiculous. You should definitely call them yourself...I know it's an uncomfortable conversation. Hopefully when they understand they can't just invite a pile of people, they'll be apologetic. Have an answer ready though for if they fight back. "I'm sorry but th ebudget just wno't allow for that many extra guests / the room has capacity that we have already reached."
Hope it goes ok.
Those replies you received are completely inappropriate.
Etiquette absolutely permits you to call these two ladies and have very polite converstations to clarify that the invitations were extended only to the recipients and that, as much as you would love to be able to permit them to bring a guest, unfortunately, that just isn't possible. If your parents are hosting the wedding, your mother should makes these calls. If you and your FI are hosting, then it would be appropriate for you to contact these ladies yourself.
Receiving responses with uninvited "plus ones," (or, in this case, plus MANY!) is why traditional invitations always contained an inner envelope on which the names of the invited appear. It is much harder to presume that someone may be able to bring others when the outer envelope reads, "Ms. Carla Smith" and the inner envelope reads, "Ms. Smith." However, I think even Miss Manners herself would agree that not even an inner envelope likely would have stopped these individuals from being so brazen as to think they could invite so many uninvited guests to your wedding. I am simply amazed that anyone could even think that she could bring that many others to a wedding.
Those people obviously had NO etiquette lessons or "home training" (as some people call it) when they were growing up.
It sounds like your mother needs to brush up as well! You most certainly are NOT an bridezilla!
Your mom is totally out of line and so are these "guests"! I simply can't imagine. I would call and ask why they thought they can bring 9 extra people. Not in a sarcastic way, but in a genuinely curious way. I'd be very interested in their thought process....
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My mom asked me to invite her sister in laws and that they most likely would not attend anyways. So i sent an invitation addressed specifically to their name. I did not say and family or and guest at all. So i received the RSVP back and one added their own plus 5 while the other added a plus 9!! WTH??? I told my mom that she told me to invite them and that they wouldn't come because they never come to any functions at all...well not only did they say they're coming but that they're bringing all these extra people!!! Both of them live alone so i don't even have a clue where the 5 and 9 people are coming from!!! How could they think this is acceptable??