Post # 1
OKAY so invites went out on Monday and already the questions and issues have begun, can so and so bring a guest? and on so…
My question is the following, is it normal for people to assume that if their significant other can’t attend the wedding they are free to bring another guest or their child without asking?
We’ve had this issue come up and no, their child is not invited, their name wasn’t on the invite and it’s an adult only reception. But does this happen a lot that people think they have 2 seats for the wedding if their significant other was invited and they are allowed to fill the 2nd seat with whom ever they chose? The way I brought up and taught, this is completely rude.
Post # 3
As long as you addressed your invitations with BOTH names.. then it’s totally rude. If one of those people can’t come you don’t just get another person to fill the spot! Now, if you addressed it “so and so and GUEST” then unfortunately they get to bring whoever they want as a guest. This is why I made sure to get the names of every person… I didn’t want any randoms being added to the list. If you addressed the invite to two named individuals and someone asks to make a change or to bring additional people you’ll just have to tell them that your sorry but you won’t be able to accomodate them.
Post # 4
I think if a person hasn’t planned a wedding recently, they might think this is totally reasonable. As brides, we get why this is rude, but other people probably don’t really get it. Frustrating, but just calmly tell them no, that you’d prefer only to have the people you actually invited attend. Sorry you’re dealing with this!
Post # 5
Yeah, totally addressed them all to ACTUAL individuals, no guests. Made sure to get everyone’s names. I’m putting my mom in charge of breaking the news… thanks for the support and comments.
Post # 6
We had one guest add their children onto their “Two seats have been reserved in your honor” RSVP card.
Another added an uninvited guest onto the RSVP instead of bringing my cousin (her child).
And my favorite, my FI’s friend from college RSVP’d yes for himself, no for his wife….and then renegged to INCLUDE his wife 6 DAYS after our RSVP deadline (and my aunt above that decided to bring her boyfriend instead of my cousin is now bringing BOTH, also 6 DAYS after the RSVP deadline).
If they hadn’t already bought plane tickets, i’d be all “Too bad, so sad”.
Post # 7
Unacceptable! Good thing you got your mom to take on the tough job. 🙂
Post # 8
We also had a lady bring her daughter after finding out that her husband could not attend. She told my MIL, who told her that was fine (without asking us). I don’t know if I would have said no but I really would have wanted to. This woman’s other daughter and her daughter’s husband were attending, as well as a number of friends from church. It’s not like she would have been all alone. We didn’t invite the daughter in the first place because we didn’t care if she saw us get married (we had a wedding of about 100 guests). Who decided that invitations were transferable?
Post # 9
I guess my whole issue is the not asking if it’s okay and assuming. Like most people, we have a “B” list in which we’d love to include people who come first on the last than this woman’s daughter. And by assuming she can invite someone in place is a little ballsy in my eyes and taking the spot of someone who I would really love to include but maybe can’t due to numbers for the first go around.
Post # 10
Hmm yes this is rude. BC if DH and I were invited to a wedding and he couldn’t attend, I would be tempted to ask if I could bring a friend instead but I wouldn’t b/c I would know deep down that if the answer was ‘no’ then I wouldn’t go stag. So I would never ask in the first place, I would just decline the invite.
Post # 11
I think it’s normal to assume “it’s not a big deal” – which is why it happens frequently. I think they figure that you’ve allotted 2 spaces for them, so why does it matter who is in the seat.
What they don’t realize is how many times you’ve pain-stakenly thought through your guest list and don’t want random people and/or their child in that seat.
I also think people will call to find out if deviating from the norm is ok. And that’s when it’s perfectly ok to tell them it’s NOT!