RSVP Question

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Should FI ask if he can bring me to a friend's wedding?
    Yes : (26 votes)
    81 %
    No : (6 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 2
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Does it say anything like “__ seats have been reserved in your honor?”.

    If it doesn’t specifically say 1, or just have his name on the rsvp, then I’d say call and ask.

    Post # 3
    242 posts
    Helper bee

    I would double check as well, some people have limited funds and limited availability, others just may not know proper ettiquette. It’s worth checking in my opinion, just don’t be upset if they only invited your husband.

    Post # 3
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    We gave everyone a +1 on our guest list, but we didn’t write “and guest” on the invites of unmarried couples (because we didn’t want to look up everyone’s full names).  But, we did include a # of seats reserved line on the rsvp cards, so it’s fairly clear that you can bring a plus one.  If their invites don’t mention the number of spots reserved, your FI should probably contact the couple to clarify.  

    Post # 5
    2894 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    MrsZynxy: you can always ask. Sometimes it’s a legitimate oversight, so it’s worth asking. As long as you’re gracious no matter the response, then it’s fine. Granted, the couple should be gracious in accepting your response, no matter what it is 🙂

    Post # 6
    42135 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would approach it differently. Rather than ask if he can bring you, he should ask if they meant for you to be included “Did you know that ___ and I are engaged?”

    They may not have known that he was engaged, and may be quite fine with him bringing you.

    Post # 7
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    MrsZynxy:  I would call and ask. Perhaps the friend didn’t know if your FI was with someone.

    Post # 9
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    MrsZynxy:  No you do not call and ask.  He sends back a NO RSVP.  If they meant to invite you they will ask about you.

    These things drive me nuts.  The etiquette is quite clear.  Only those listed by name are invited.  It is likely they have been clear in their invitations (however rude it is to not include social units) and asking just puts them in an awkward position. 



    Post # 10
    1209 posts
    Bumble bee

    I have a GF who recently sent out invites and mine was addressed with no indication of SO and I thuoght she must have made a mistake so I just politely asked… it was kind of awkward but she brought SO up so it was good timing. She said she didn’t realize she was supposed to put his name on it, she thought I’d have know he was ‘obviously’ invited

    andielovesj:  Not everyone knows the etiquette I guess… If they did then there wouldn’t be an etiquette section with hundreds of threads!

    Post # 11
    3650 posts
    Sugar bee

    I can’t think of anything I’d want to attend less, than a wedding of my husband’s friend from high school, when he’d be sitting with other male friends from high school – or at the bar all night, probably drinking plenty of adult beverages, and re-living their glory days.

    And If I were the bride and someone showed me the quote “the couple has broken several traditional rules already (RSVP by text, for example),” you wouldn’t want to hear my response.

    Just wait until you try to collect RSVPs and you learn to accept them any way you can get them; phone, text, e-mail, private message on Facebook, word of mouth, carrier pigeon – it’s like pulling teeth, to get a response out of some people.   

    Post # 12
    669 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2015 - Family Farm


    andielovesj:  Why should he HAVE to send back a No? Perhaps he would like to go. I don’t think there is an issue inviting one person.

    Plus OP said herself that they haven’t been close in recent years. Perhaps they don’t know that the couple is engaged.

    Post # 13
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    Olgarie:  She said he wouldn’t go without her.  If he wants to go without her, then he should reply yes.  If they meant to include the OP, they will ask why she didn’t reply and if she was going to be able to make it.

    It doesn’t make asking if they did in fact mean to include the OP any more polite or less awkward.

    Post # 14
    1242 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    MrsZynxy:  I think your FI should text or call the couple and mention you and see what happens. If they aren’t that close, they might not have been aware you were around.

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