Weddingbee boards

Our venue is 50 miles north of Seattle and in Friday night traffic, that trip takes at least 2 hours.  It's also a semi formal wedding, so people might need to stop off at home before arriving.  I know this sucks for them but I'm losing my ability to sympathize.  The point I made to one of my girls is that if I were getting married two hours out of town, no one would be leaving their homes literally two hours before.  They would be taking the day off and arriving in plenty of time.

Or?  Not coming at all, which would also be totally appropriate.

Yes, I am aware that it is ONE comment - on Facebook - and our Save the Date hasn't been sent out officially yet.  It's just not even close to the only comment I've gotten from people who complain or whine about it being inconvenient.  I've gotten nothing but grief due to choosing a Friday night.  The issue that this comment brings up is arriving late to the wedding.

I'm in general, a late person.  To almost everything.  Except weddings.  Hello?

 My question is this - as a bride if someone were to RSVP to your wedding but indicate that they might "arrive late" - how would you feel about that?

I'm okay with people missing the whole thing for any reason and politely declining the invite in the first place.  What I am not thrilled with is the idea that they would RSVP yes and then say they might be late.

Honestly, I think the fact that she is planning ahead and knows they will be late and told you is a nice gesture.  You are the one having a Friday wedding.  There is a reason that most weddings are on a weekend... most people don't have school or work.  Unless this is an immediate family member, getting upset that they don't take vacation time from work to drive to your wedding that you scheduled on a work day is overboard.

@LGenz - It sounds to me like you made every effort to be there on time and it just didn't work out.  I see that as a different issue.  :)

In the event that there was some major horrible traffic issue, we would absolutely start our ceremony late and be okay with it.  We only have one real freeway here in this area so if there was a real snarl, darn near everyone would be stuck in it and at that point it would be time for Plan B.  My beef is with the RSVPing saying in advance that they might be late.

I've posted before about the start time of the ceremony being at either 6 or 7 pm and the overwhelming response was to choose 7 pm and serve a full dinner.

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/friday-night-wedding-dinner-or-heavy-appetizers

So yes, I could change the time to 7 and do a different menu - and I'm not opposed to doing so.  I'm just concerned about my guests STARVING by an 8 pm meal time.  We have already changed to doing a first look so there isn't a gap between the events - which is't my favorite idea but we did it for our guests knowing how much those gaps suck.

@jennib - It's my FI close relative.  So yeah.  Probably a lot more touchy since it was her... and since his sister dropped out of the wedding because it was on a Friday too.  The only people who have honestly been horrible about the Friday are the people closest to us, who know that we are paying for the wedding ourselves and really had no other choice. :(

@christa- your wedding sounds exactly like FBIL and FSIL's wedding that we will be attending out of state next week.  We are both taking multiple days off of work to attend their Friday wedding and are happy to do so.  Like you, they are paying for their own wedding.

I still think that since she is a close family member, the fact that she told you ahead of time that her husband and child would be late was actually a nice gesture.  I missed the part where she posted this on your facebook wall - that's a little odd, but it sounds like there may not be much they can do in terms of making it on time.

Seriously, don't take it personally.  This comes with the territory when you have a Friday wedding. Fortunately you are having a late wedding, which will probably help. 

@jennib - I commute Marysville / Bellevue 5 days a week, with 3 hours a day in either a car or bus, up and down 405.  So honestly, I DO totally get the traffic issue.  I don't expect everyone can make it and that is okay...  I'm just growing weary of comments about "why isn't it Saturday?" and "I'm going to be late."

We had no choice, it was either have a wedding on Friday, hope people can come, and be polite and accepting if they cant - or not have a wedding at all.  In our case, it really was THAT big of a financial savings.

I guess the alternative would have been to have a cash bar (And we all know how hotly debated that topic is) or to have catered the food ourselves  So Friday night it was.

Oh boy.  Friday wedding beats cash bar any day.

@Mrs. Louboutin - I KNOW!  :)  The money we saved doing the Friday wedding meant these differences: hosted bar, catered food instead of self catering, and a professional DJ instead of an iPod.  I think those are big deals.  We discussed it at first and said if we can't do the whole wedding how we want to we would rahter not do it period and jsut get married - Well Friday meant we could do it.  :)

So maybe I am upset over nothing with her comment about being late.  I still find it incredibly tacky, but as my girlfriend just pointed out via email, this is the same person who charged people for the dinners at Christmas.  YEAH.  The best part is that Guest Son can speak for himself.  He is actually her son in law and is a married adult male with three kids.  That part cracked me up.  :)

@Christa - Really?  I'm actually kind of surprised to hear this - the way the woman posted on your facebook page made her sound about 23.  I just assumed her son was like 5.  Ok the fact that this woman is probably MUCH older and posted that is a little odd.  I still understand why they may be late.  If they won't take vacation time to leave work early (or can't leave work early without taking vacation time), I totally understand that.  That is too much to ask of someone who isn't immediate family.  Also, telling you this ahead of time is nice, but the manner in which she did it wasn't nice.

@danadelphia - Me too, why you think I'm on WB right now? :)

I understand completely why this is annoying.  Friday weddings aren't my favorite either but I would figure it out so I didn't miss the ceremony and I understand why weddings sometime have to be on that day.  Is there any time that is completely ideal for everyone?  I'm having a Sunday wedding but wasn't for it in the beginning.  I said people don't like weddings when they have to work the next day or they won't party late.  My FI explained that the people who love us the most and are most important will party until the night is through no matter what they have going on the next day.  Who cares if one of my parents coworkers leaves early? 

I'm in Seattle area too.  How can they not make a 7pm ceremony in Everett?  They can change at work and if they leave by 4:30-5, they should be fine.  They should figure out some carpool choices also. 

Are you going to respond to her?  I'm certain she didn't mean anything by it though.  Thankfully you have friends and the Bee to vent to. 

So to answer your question, I would be completely annoyed.  I would take a day or two to roll my eyes and then probably respond that's too bad and you hope they will make every effort to make it on time.  You know the time isn't that convenient for everyone and you really weighed the options before selecting that date.

Worst case - don't invite them and I'll come and I won't be late! :)

@crayfish - you mention that I don't seem to have really accepted that people won't come.  Probably true at this point.  I think the difference is that there is no way I would go on that person's Fb page (or text/call/email) and say "So why aren't you coming? I sure wish you would have made the plans to be able to!" which is certainly the reverse of what she said to us.

@star_bee - I live a couple hours from my hometown and out of our 110 person guest list, only 32 are "mine" and a total of THREE of them live within 30 minutes of the venue.  Not one has complained.  His are all within that area.  Go figure.

@Talish - The wedding is in Arlington and people are coming from everywhere.  And actually, I am planning the ceremony to be at 6 pm because I was concerned about people not eating until 8 - which I'm getting feedback now that I should go ahead and do 7 anyway.  As I mentioned, I'm actually from Kitsap County and with the exception of my MOH, people are either coming from the peninsula or flying in from out of state.

My concern is how to handle people who say they might be late.  I honestly think it's pretty darn important that everyone show up and be there for the ceremony AND reception.  Showing up just to dinner?  Was the actual MARRIAGE part not important enough?  Come on, right?  Although I doubt I would turn someone away if they did show up for just the ceremony, I really feel like this is a situation where you come for both or none at all. 

Bottom line.  Sometimes people suck.  :)

@starr_bee - It's a great day!  It's actually the Half-Anniversay of my parents, who were married for 31 years as of April 22nd.  So the date had a little meaning to it. :)