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19?? Who did you send the invitation to? They're bringing their grandchildren? I've never heard of anyone inviting their grandchildren along! Maybe you can suggest they hire a babysitter while the adults attend the wedding? Do they really need all of their grandchildren to be there at *your* wedding? I think you're handling it very well, dear; your calmness is an inspiration to us all. I'd be ballistic if someone added 19 people to my guestlist.
Oh wow. I don't even know what to say. 19...seriously? That's unbelievable! You definitely need to call and figure out the details.
I agree with cheerful - your calm is inspirational! I would be flipping my lid & making my FI call to tell them that's not happening. Have you considered telling them what you wrote in your post? That you two are working on a budget & can't have 19 people coming when you only budgeted for 4? Maybe help them find other things to do in town (something they'd be doing anyway if waiting for their reunion). It's not cool to assume that your wedding can just be included as part of their reunion festivities.
Um yeah... I agree with mowi322... I would be totally freaking out and making FI call them and tell them NO! Just because they are in town doesn't mean they get to automatically turn your wedding into part of their reunion. Yeah, you are being MUCH more level-headed about this than I would be!
You are handling this much better than I would! There is NO WAY I would let that happen! 19 people...absolutely unbelievable! Honestly, it's just rude. As uncomfortable as it would be, I would call and explain that the invitation was for their immediate family ONLY. Good luck with this one!!
I think you are handling this quite well! Yes, I'd call and let them know that you were surpised by the 19 and would like to know who is included so that you can accommodate them easily. I would make it clear that you just need the number for planning purposes so that if they feel guilted out of bringing people they don't get po'd that the menu is lighter fare.
All the ladies are right, you're handing it unbelievably well! I would be in complete shock for a bit and then I'd be asking my FI to make the call for details. I am personally protective of our guest list because I do not want a bunch of people who we aren't really close to or barely know. That said, I definitely don't think you are obligated to host all 19 people at your wedding. Most people can understand that you are on a budget and you had only planned for 4. The babysitter idea for kids is a good one if you do want to include some of these people.
Good luck!
I just called FI. He said he'd talk to his dad and have him call FI's uncle and find out some details (whether they'll be attending the reception, if 19 is an accurate count, etc.), let them know that we're on a tight budget and that we had counted them as 2-4 people, etc...
FI said that he originally was going to invite them all but didn't think any of them would make the trip. I feel better having talked to FI. He told me to relax and he'd do what he could about the situation. They were all close before they moved and went their separate ways so we might just be stuck with them coming, which means about $50 more in food and a recount of chairs, etc.
Thanks for reaffirming that this is completely nutso.
Sarah
Yeah, very nutso. Who does this?! YOu don't just call and be like "oh i'm having a family reunion and I'm bringing them to their wedding!"
Shoot. I'd call and say that you only had intended to invite Mr and Mrs so and so (you know, the people invited) because you're trying to keep the wedding small due to budget constraints and can't factor in an extra 17 people in addition to who you already invited.
That's just....you just don't do that!
Yeah, no matter what the circumstances - that's very rude. There was no call first to ask if it was okay? The cost doesn't even matter - it's about who you WANT to be around you on your wedding day.
WOW!! That is SO NOT good!! You should def call, I agree with all the advice the girls have given to you - Just WOW!
They're all coming. Seriously... there's nothing we can do about it. Fiance said he would have invited them to begin with if he thought any of them would come. FMIL doesn't seem to be surprised, neither does FFIL. Since we're only paying $3.50 per person for sandwiches, veggies, fruit, etc., it won't really add that much on the food bill. I am still shocked about the whole situation though.
it doesnt matter if its a $3.50 per plate deal or a $125pp deal - rsvp'ing 19 peopole is FREAKIN' RUDE. what is wrong with people these days?
really? they're coming?! wow! will your place hold that many extra people? hoping it won't change the vibe too much? 19 is a lot!
wow you are very calm phisphan. We're dealing with something like this too. My fiance's uncle put down for a party of 6. 1 of them being his stepdaughters friend. We're trying to keep our wedding down to 100 people and couldn't invite some people that we wanted to because our families are both kind of large. So we were shocked that his uncle would bring his stepdaughters friend. And my fiance has only met his stepdaughter once! We don't know what to do.
You're right thats absurd, however at 3.50 a plate there is really nothing to stress about. However, you can absolutely deny this request, and restrict it to "X" amt of ppl. It's your wedding you are in charge.
Just to put a little spin on it - if I were your fiance I would be pretty excited to have relatives there that I figured all along would never be able to make it! It could make for a great opportunity to get the whole family on both sides together and make for an even better party! And with your positive attitude it seems like it will be fantastic...good luck!
I can see where you would be thrown off by this response but it sounds like these are people he wants to see and you are dealing with it really well. Good thing your food costs are so low, $50 for 19 seems feasible think about even $50 per person, that would be a disaster!
If anyone sends me an RSVP of 19 we would break the budget and the fire code so I'm glad you are in a situation where you can handle this unexpected influx of family. Enjoy your bigger party 
You are definitely handling the situation much better than I would be. I get upset when one extra person comes. But 19?!?! Wow. First off did you send invitations to all 19? If so then you kind of have to let them come. Just bad timing with their reunion. However if you only sent an invite to a few of them and they added on their grandchildren, etc. then you can totally have your fiance call them up and apologize but tell them that you had only invited the 3-4 of them. Or some other lie to make it nicer. Good luck!!!
It's great that your FI wants them all there and it won't cause a financial burden, so it sounds like it's going to work out fine. I think most of us are just shocked by the gall to add 17 people to a wedding RSVP. I'd probably have a really hard time getting over it, mostly on principal. I get when people assume they can have a guest, but THAT many people is just....rude
Lucky the food is affordable and I'd do a quick call to confirm
but as others have said you are so lucky people want to come to your wedding and are bringing loved ones.
So many brides have difficulty getting RSVPs returned and personally I know my daughter and I would be thrilled if more of our out of town family go to the effort to come to her wedding.
OMG! I thought it was bad when I had 6 people RSVP who were only supposed to be two! Then, they all cancelled at the last minute! The only relief is that many guests will cancel at the last minute. The week of our reception, we had 25 people cancel. Good luck! Let us know how it turns out.
BTW- I have some tips for keeping within your budget on my blog. Hope the info helps! http://budgetbridetips.blogspot.com/
i would hope that if anyone would decide to do this they'd at least call and ask, not just write 19 on the invite. i was reading this in another post, i'm not sure which one at the moment and on the invite was written something along the lines of we are holding 2 places in your honor and the person had crossed out the 2 and wrote 5!!! i thought that was bad, but 19?!?!?!?!?!?
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We received a RSVP back from FI's extended family this weekend. We had them down for an estimated 3-4 people but the RSVP said 19 were attending. 19?! Who does this? Turns out his family is having a reunion the day after the wedding since a lot of them will be in town... FI knows them all but hasn't seen them in years. So not only the couple we invited are attending but also their kids and their grandchildren. I guess there's nothing I can do about since they're all coming in town for the wedding and the reunion but I'm still in shock.
Do you think it would be okay to call them and make sure they are all going to eat/attend the reception and, if so, how many of them are children? We're just doing ham and turkey sandwiches, fruit, veggies, some finger foods, etc. but at $3.50 a plate it would be nice to just confirm that 19 is the actual number and how many of them are children... we're trying to do this on a budget and I am just blown away...
Thanks in advance for any replies.
Sarah