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So, I talked to one of mt BMs tonight and she was being sweet and asking how things are coming on the wedding planning. She asked how many RSVP's we have gotten. I told her about half had RSVP'd and only two "no"s.
I mentioned something about not wanting to have to call people to ask if they will be coming or not and mumbled something about place cards and awkwardness, etc.
The conversation turned a little and she told me that she has never RSVP'd "no" to a wedding. As in if her answer is no, she doesn't send the card back. At all. Ever.
WTH?? Is this common? Normal? Am I Psycho Bride if I call the invited guests who have not RSVP'd?
Help me, Bees!
I will be calling people if I don't get a response. We are having a small wedding (~100 guests including bridal party) and I don't want people just showing up!
No, I think you should absolutely call if people don't return your RSVP cards. If they don't RSVP and come anyways...it'll be terrible to not have food/space for them
I was always one not to send a RSVP back right away after receiving it...but now that I have been planning my own wedding I am SO much more diligent about it. So much rides on your final count!
No, I think your BM is a little crazy and better expect to get lots of phone calls in the future. Some people may just forget, you can't assume "no."
yes, there are those inconsiderate people who just forget....they don't think about the consequences of not RSVPing...and honestly, why would they...its not their wedding....its definately common....normal, NO! right...hells no!
it's not a huge percentage of people, so don't worry...and you'll know when to gently remind them!
She said she has never received a phone call from a wondering bride.
I was pretty shaken by this "revelation" and really surprised that one of my BFFs would do that. I got off the phone pretty quickly, prompting a text from her a while later asking if I was mad. :-( Of course I'm not, I was just thrown off....
You are not psycho bride for wanting to know how many people to expect. I think most people today assume that it is ok to not respond to an invite or that by not responding, they are signaling that they will not be attending, but in reality it is just plain rude to not give a response to ANY invitation, wedding or otherwise. I, for one, have already made a plan to spend the weekend after the response date calling the people whom I have not heard from.
(This is one of those things that really chafes my hide if you can't tell.)
I always respond... whether it's yes or no. Does your BM not send a gift either when she doesn't respond?? Wow!!
Sometimes I respond with a "no" via telephone or email to explain why I can't make it, then never actually send the card in. But I've always responded...
I will definitely be calling and pestering!
We had about 10-15 RSVP no-shows. It's a little rude and annoying, but I was just thankful I only had to call 15 people as opposed to 100! After calling I found out that 5 of those 15 ARE coming which was the most frustrating part. If I hadn't called they wouldn't have had a seat or a meal... How embarrassing for them! haha!
I thought from your title that your BM RSVP'd no to your wedding! :) I definitely had to call people (or rather have my mom or DH's mom call people) that didnt reply and they were all No's. Totally rude in my opinion.
I mean I'd like to say it's rude not to respond at all but some people, as crazy as it might sound, think if they don't respond at all the bride will take that as a "no". For me I hope people actually send a "NO" to me because I need that organization! So you bet your butt if people don't RSVP I'll be calling them to find out yes or no. Luckily it's a small wedding so it won't take long.
Whoa, that is rude! But somehow not surprising to me :( I hate talking to people on the phone and am not looking forward to needing to follow up with phone calls.
I haven't ever heard of someone doing this, but yes I would second everyone here in saying that the phone calls (although a bit tiresome) are nessecary to get an accurate head count.
I will admit this is what I have done in the past 
but now that I am a bride I will never do it again! Not really sure why I did it or why people do it. I do have trouble telling people no, maybe thats it. I would not have been offended if the bride had called me to see if I was coming though. Wouldn't worry about that. I might have been a bit embarassed that I didn't send it back but thats about it.
Never never again, bad habit
I second naangel55 - - From the title of this post I thought your BM rsvp'd that she wasn't going to be able to make it...As for the calling - I am making my sister who is also my MOH call for me, I'll be to irritated at those that couldn't send in their rsvp's. Plus my sister is 10 older than me so I think they'll appreciate her tone much more than mine, haahaahaahaa
@ ddub: I'm pretty doubtful if there is a gift involved in the equation when she can't be bothered to checkmark the "regrets" box and drop a card in the mail.
@bella: that just madde me even more sure that I will be calling to check. Can't assume the non-responders are a "no", clearly! Yikes!
@linz: admitting your problem is the first step to recovery, right? You've turned over a new leaf!
Thanks for the support, ladies. I was flabbergasted. This is a girl I've been besties with since we were 14. She is not a rude person at all - that's why I was so shocked and thought this may be a common thing I was unaware of. I appreciate you making me feel un-nuts :-)
@ jackie: I tried to sidestep the MOH thing, but if I had a MOH, she'd be it, so the thought of her making those calls: priceless! Hahaha!
I would definitely call the people! Otherwise its ambiguous whether they are coming or not. I'd rather be obnoxious and call then have surprise extra guests on the day of ...
that's awful, people are paying good money for her food, drinks, cake, etc. and putting a lot of time into making escort cards, favors, etc.
we called. we called and called and called and emailed and called some more. i didn't want people showing up that didn't rsvp and they wouldn't have a seat, or give them a seat and waste all of that money and time on them.
I agree with MissCremeBrulee, I usually call or email my RSVP with a note as to why I can't attend and how dissapointed I won't be there. On another note, I did forget to RSVP to my MOH's wedding. She called me like a week before, asking me jokingly if I was coming - ha, ha.
it's really bad etiquette to not reply at all. but pretty typical, i'm assuming. if i am missing replies, i'll be SURE to call. i don't care how crazy it looks, because i'm the one spending the money on a plate and a chair for them.
@artbee- did you end up with any extras the day of? (Congrats btw!!)
If my reply is No, not only do I mail the RSVP card back with No written, I also call the bride (or groom) and apologize.
ooh, I've been guilty of that too. In fact, I'm pretty bad at sending those things back at all. So I'll have a lot of grace for my guests, I guess. :)
I'm one of those people who facebooks/emails/calls/texts to reply. Or if I'm out of the country I sometimes just don't respond, because I assume they know I'm not coming. Well, that's not totally true - I usually try to email, and catch up at bit at the same time.
You will not be called a psycho bride if you called people who don't RSVP. FI had to call about 30 people and I had to call about 10 people who didn't respond.
My suggestion: Make this non-responding BM call the non responders when the time comes for you to have your final head count. I think this will teach her a very valuable lesson about responding to invites! LOL!
i always respond, at least by calling or email if i dont send the actual paper RSVP in when its a no, since i like to explain.
although i have been to two weddings that the response card just had "we are reserving X in your honor, please rsvp by X" and there was no spot to say "declined" or anything. so im thinking in that case there were people that just didnt send the RSVP back because they thought they might be committing to it when in fact they couldnt go?
You aren't a psycho bride. If people don't send their RSVP back, how are you to know if they lost it, forgot about it, are waiting to find out if they can make it? When my RSVP deadline passes, I'll be contacting all the people who didn't return their card.
I am guilty of not sending back RSVP cards before. Now after doing this all myself, I would never do it again!
Wow, that seems really... weird. Huh. I mean, even if the invitation wasn't wanted (and I've been invited to a few weddings where I KNEW they just wanted a present and I had no desire to go) I at least RSVPd no.
I've not RSVP'd before kind of... We were invited to my fiance (then boyfriend's) cousin's wedding two summers ago. They live across the country, and my fiance's dad had RSVP'd, and called to say he would be the only one representing the "Smith" family. But yeah, we didn't send in the actual card. Partially because it was not my family, and address to Matt Smith and Guest (even though we lived together) I kind of didn't feel like it was my responsibility to reply for us.
Invitations addressed directly to me, I've always RSVP'd yes or no.
I'm in the camp that assumes no response card is a no. While I think you should DEF send those cards back, I wasn't a bride that was going on a calling spree. If i didn't hear from ya, you weren't getting dinner. haha!
I sent facebook messages to 6 of my last 10 hold outs on my side last week. Only got 2 responses from them! 4 people have just not replied at all! I'm giving one girl a text message tonight because her mom is coming, but the rest, I'm putting down as no's.
I would definitely follow up! It seems a little inconsiderate not to send any word back at all, and you definitely can call to see if they are coming! However, I think people learn the power of RSVPing only after they have an affair like this - they don't seem to realize the cost and anxiety!
We have only gotten back 10 rsvp's so far and the deadline was 2 weeks ago! Craziness, we had a list B but we've decided not even to send the second batch out, I know it was super early for us to send out our invites (90 days) but still, its so easy to just rsvp we dont understand why people arent on their toes about it. Im really dreading calling the people that havent responded too!
I am planning on calling those who don't RSVP. We're doing assigned seating, so there wouldn't be a place set for them!
I always send the reply card back. Actually, there's only ever been two weddings I couldn't make it to, and one was because it was the same date as another friend's wedding (FI and I split up and attended separately) and one was a destination wedding. I sent back the card, and I also called her and sent a gift along with a friend who was attending.
I've never heard of that before! You absolutely should not feel bad calling people if they don't RSVP. It's totally acceptable.
Most of my aunts and uncles that weren't coming told my mother that they weren't coming instead of sending the RSVP card back. Which is annoying considering they were PRESTAMPED so it's not like it takes more than 30 seconds to check "No," lick the envelope, and throw it back in the mailbox! But basically almost ALL of our declines came word of mouth and not mailed back to us. I only had to call a handful of people!
Wow! I plan on calling the no- replies...well either me, my mom, or future mil anyways...I did forget to send in an RVSP last summer(found it after the wedding) and I ususally do try to at least sent it back with a No if I'm not able to come. But still do send a gift even if I'm not attending. Maybe ur BM just didn't really know better??..
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