RSVP vent

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
6505 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

She invited her parents and her sister? What?!

People adding others onto their invites just baffles me. We only had one person add a kid so while that stunk I’m glad we didn’t have more. I just don’t understand why people are so clueless! But really that friend inviting her parents and her sister really takes the cake. I don’t even understand how that can be confusing for her…

Good luck with the rest of them! Hopefully people get them in on time and don’t add more people 🙂

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kat369:  I’m sorry you are dealing with this! However, it is YOUR wedding – so letting people invite their own guests is NOT OK! Unless the person inviting more people is paying for the wedding, they don’t have that power. It sounds like you need to stand up and say “NO”. Yes, people should know better than to invite their own guests, however, if you don’t say NO they may not realize what they did was wrong (crazy, I know). SAY NO! NO! NO!

Post # 6
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kat369:  You need to be firm with people when all’s said and done. If anyone tags on other people on their RSVP (I’m confident they won’t given a) they’re not that rude and b) they have to choose menu and drink options on the RSVP cards, so it will be obvious who and how many people are invited), they will be getting a polite but firm phone call from us informing them that only those listed on the invitation are invited; end of story, no ifs, no buts. no discussion. So, you need to be firm with people.

As far as the deadline goes: well, you do still have a month until the deadline you gave, so it’s not really fair for you to get annoyed that people haven’t replied yet. When we set our deadline we’re going to make it for 2 weeks before we actually want/need to know numbers, so that we have time to chase up any stragglers.

Post # 7
Member
753 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Kat369:  If youre like me and feel bad for telling people no.. dont worry! we had only one family RSVP no.. and people ask DAY OF if they could just bring 3 extra people.. any way 20 people who RSVPed yes didnt even show up.. i was stressing theat we wouldnt hav seats, and we had extra. Try not to worry too much about it… but it def is frustrating. 

Post # 9
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@Kat369:  Ahh OK, I get you now!

The only advice I can give is to remember that it is EXTREMELY rude to add people to an RSVP, and that these people are showing you no respect in doing so. As such, you absolutely should not feel bad about setting them straight. It might also be an idea to have your OH make the calls to those on his side, and you to deal with those on your side, so that at least you’re ‘spreading the load’.

For me personally, if people did this I would be horrified, and, being brutally honest, I wouldn’t be bothered about upsetting or offending them by being blunt with them. I would also reconsider our relationship with them for the future, as I really do feel quite strongly about this; I try not to associate with people who lack basic manners. However, I’m not a very nice person, and I know that for many, it’s more difficult. But, just keep in mind that THEY are in the wrong, not you.

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