(Closed) rsvp vent

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
544 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Sorry to hear about your dilemma.  I haven’t sent out my invitations, but I’m anticipating major drama.  Almost all of our guests are from out of town and we are having an adult reception.  I’m trying to find the best wording for our invites to make it clear that children are not invited……..but without making it sound rude. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I just don’t think people get it. I really don’t. I guess I didn’t really get it before I was a bride, either. We’ve had several people add guests and at this point we’re just letting them, since most of them have to travel — some are long-term dating partners we didn’t know about, some are people in the city where the wedding is held that they can stay with (but need to drive them to the ceremony/reception). But it’s really, really aggravating.

Post # 5
Member
2856 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Breathe snoopnaz! You have a long road ahead of you so we don’t want you to pass out or anything =).

Unfortuantely, many brides-to-be have been in the same situation. I have not started this process yet but I know it is coming. So let them roll in and save your energy for the cleanup work.

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My FMIL is finding out that extended family members are coming in town….and staying with people who are invited. So she keeps saying, "sure you can come!" even though we didn’t actually invite them….

…People are just clueless and rude i think. My aunt is now bringing some guy she just started dating that my mom told her it was ok. I’m calling him her "flavor" of the month. 

Did I mention my FI and I are paying for the wedding? Not any of them? Yeah, how about somebody ask ME first?!

Post # 7
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I just sent out my invitations and am paranoid about this happening.

Especially with more people coming in from out of town than we planned–I get the feeling like thye’re going to automatically think they can bring their kids.  At this point it’s not even a matter of expense, or that I don’t want kids around–we simply don’t have the space!

Anyway, you’re not alone.  It is frustrating.  We didn’t even specifiy on the RSVP card "we have X seats saved for you"
But I’m getting to a point of surrender…I’m sick of fighting about the guest list!!

Post # 9
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

ARGH!! Not only do we still have yet to hear from 70 people in the next 4 days (expecting 44 more RSVP cards), but today the mailman mixed up our mail with somebody else’s and when I went to that person’s mailbox to return what we got — it was still just their own mail, and not ours!

ARGH!! **hits her head Charlie Brown style**

Post # 10
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m not one for ettiquette.  Neither is my FI (we are SO perfect for each other!).  So when people have asked if they can bring a guest who isn’t on the invites, the answer is no.  Nope.  No.  And if they come, there won’t be food served for them or a table for them to sit at (since my reception attendants are placing all the placecards at the seats, not on an escort table).  We’ve been plain blunt about that.  My FI’s sister has a baby dady who is the father of her 7 yr. old and her newborn, but he won’t marry her.  My FI just doesn’t get that, so he told her he wasn’t invited.  And yeah they argued for a bit, but then she got over it and asked what she should wear.  Just be assertive, tell people what you expect of them, and hold them to it.  we’ve both told people "No, you aren’t invited" or "No, your flaky whore girlfriend isn’t invited" and they just roll with it.  The one time someone said they would come anyway I said that’s fine, I hope they eat at McDonald’s before they come and bring a lawn chair for the corner because there won’t be enough table or chairs and my venue vendor knows better than to offer to set one up.  That settled that.

About not having kids, I always think if you insist on inviting OOT guests with kids it’s your responsibility to have a babysitter set up.  They can’t leave their kids at home or at the hotel, so I think unless you provide a place for them to ditch the yunins it’s unfair to even invite them.  You’re putting them in a hard place.  It’s not like they already have a babysitter in {whatever city} that they know and trust to watch their kids.  Plus if someone tries to bring their kid you can have a BM escort the kid to the babysitter’s room.

Post # 11
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

We sent out this invitations this morning (YEAH!!!) and I really hope this doesn’t happen! I just don’t think people get it!

If it is his cousins emailing you, forward the emails to him and have him deal with it. That’s what I will be doing  (and yes, FI knows this and is fine with it!)

Post # 12
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Well at least you are finding out sooner rather than later! I’m hopeful that our friends and family know what’s up and won’t add any extras.

I disagree with mightysapphire though, I definitely do NOT think its your responsibility to set up babysitting for OOT guests with children. If you really want the guest there then send them a STD. That way they have PLENTY of time to figure out a babysitter or alternate plan. I think some guests would be even less likely to hand over the kids to a hired sitter they don’t know. Even send your invites a month ahead of time should be sufficient time for them to set up sitters/alternate plans.

Post # 13
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Yeah, I just got an email a couple of days ago asking what the attire is for the wedding because the boyfriends of two of my cousins’ kids don’t own a suit and don’t want to have to buy one.  Uh, you mean the boyfriends I have never met and who weren’t invited?  I would love to point out that the invitation was not extended to them (if for no other reason than standing my ground).  But if I say that they aren’t invited and can’t come, I think that whole wing of the family would be "offended" and not come.  That’s just the way my family is. 

Post # 14
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Um … never thought I would have to deal with this, but I got an RSVP postcard saying "6" when we only invited 2. My FI was enraged and so was his mother, but she didn’t want to say anything to the lady because they’ve been friends for so long. It looks like I am going to have to be the bad guy and tell her "Sorry, but only you and your husband are invited … not your unemployed son AND his wife AND their kids 16 and 7."

Post # 15
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

TOTALLY feel what you’re going through….seriously people need to just be a good guest and remember that this is the day the bride and groom are getting married….it’s not some big party you can go to and bring a date and all.  People actually PAY thousands of dollars for their weddings and for guests to nip-pick on stupid things is totally ridiculous!!! 

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