Post # 1
we sent our save the dates for our destination wedding. We decided to only invite our closest family and friends since we are paying for the wedding ourselves. Because of this, our list is very tight (we only want 40 guests), so we invited only guests dating or married at the time the STDs went out, with a +1.
invites have not gone out yet but our room block is up. I found out one of my finances friends booked a room already for him and his new gf who, was not one of the ones to be invited with a +1. We have not even met this girl and I said it isn’t right to bend the rules for him, and no one else. cost wise, were paying for this person now and i would have rather extended a solo invite to one of my close friends who didn’t make the cut.
im very upset with my fiancé because he is allowing this guest to bring a +1, but now there are other people who may ask and not to mention, close friends of ours who have not been invited.
were having a BBQ reception back home after our DW, but my fiancé still wants to include this +1 in our intimate affair.
This is causing a major fight between us… Am I completely out of line for standing firm on this +1? Does anyone have any advice or tips to help me out of this situation?
Post # 3
@Kikibo: Eek, what a sticky situation. I totally feel you because I also want a DW with a guest list of about 35 people. However, I think it’s a little different when you’re asking someone to come to a wedding where they will be at a location far from home and friends for several days. You can’t really tell this person that they can’t bring their gf on vacation with them. What you can say is that the girl isn’t invited to the ceremony or reception.
Post # 4
Yeah, people who didn’t get a +1 might be pissed when they see him there with his new girlfriend (assuming they know she’s new??). I don’t think you’re out of line since you guys had a set rule. Can you just talk to FI’s friend and ask him if he can pay for his gf?
Post # 5
I would not go to a destination wedding solo. What exactly are you paying for? Just the reception dinner? Or the whole trip?
Post # 6
i think if someone’s spending their time and money travelling to your destination wedding the least you can do is extend them the option to bring someone. Nobody wants to travel alone. In fact if I was invited to a destination wedding solo, I would be declining in general.
This might not suit your ideal image of your wedding, but likely whatever place you picked doesn’t suit his ideal vision of a vacation either.
I think you can certainly tell him not to bring her to the wedding, but be prepared for him to decide against joining you.
Post # 7
I’d be upset if a stranger took the spot of a close friend at my wedding. You can’t stop the friend from bringing his girlfriend to the destination, but you can ask that the girflfriend not attend the wedding festivities since they’re for invited guests only. It seems like your fiance is the one backing out of your original agreement on the guest list. Have you reminded him that you both agreed on this limited list? He needs to talk to his friend and make sure that he understands that his girlfriend, unfortunately, isn’t invited due to the intimate nature of the event and space restrictions – or something like that.
Post # 8
I do agree on the fact that the guests will be traveling to our DW, but we selected a very specific group of friends (those that were close to BOTH of us), additionally we plan to cover the welcome drinks, rehearsal dinner, wedding cocktails/reception dinner and a farewell brunch. So that stuff adds up.
We set up a BBQ reception at home for those not invited or unable to make it, so personally I feel if he is upset that he gets a solo invite, he’s more than welcome to come to the BBQ instead. There are plenty of our other friends who would not mind going solo!
Post # 9
That’s impressive that you have so many friends saying they’re willing to travel, but I’ve seen lots of times around here that when you first say “we’re getting married in Mexico (or whatever destination)!” everyone’s really excited to your face, but when it comes down to actually making plans and spending the money… Hope that’s not the case here, but in the case of the destination wedding we attended last year, the bride thought she was going to have over 100 people that said they were excited to come, and at the end of the day they had 19… including the grooms brother bringing 4 buddies from work that they’d never met.
Post # 10
If your invites have not gone out yet, you will still have room. Trust us when we say destination weddings have a high decline rate. You’re not going to go over.
Post # 11
Has this person said that his guest is going to attend the wedding? perphaps she is jsut along for the trip and will be ding her own thing the day of the wedding?
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@Nel13: I was wondering the same thing.
Post # 13
I just wanted to say that I COMPLETELY understand where you’re coming from. Not only from a cost standpoint, but it just feels wrong that in an intimate group of 40 or so people (from which you no doubt had to exclude certain people you would otherwise have loved to invite) you have to share the day withe someone you’ve never met. For me, if one of my friends did that, it would awfully embarrassing for all parties because extras cannot and will not be admitted to the facility. If this guy is a friend, I see nothing wrong with casually mentioning that you notice he booked his room and you’re excited that he’s coming but you noticed he seems to be bringing someone. Assure him that he and his friend will have a great time. I’d say “As you know the ceremony and reception are private so we unfortunately won’t be able to accommodate your friend, but I’d be glad to help recommend some fun things she can do while you’re at the wedding.” He may not even realize the significance of having been invited without a plus one. You know guys…
I know that may not be the most etiquette-conscious way to approach it, but I am always willing to set etiquette aside in favor of having the wedding I want. I don’t think you should be forced to have a stranger at your wedding just because your FI is reluctant to put his foot down with his friend. If you’re pissed, I’d hope you calm down before having this conversation, but it doesn’t have to be hostile at all.
If he protests, remind him that you’ve toiled long and hard over the guest list and it simply wouldn’t be fair to permit him to bring a date when no one else can AND because you had to bump your fave cousin and your college roommate you couldn’t possibly see allowing someone who doesn’t even know you. that may mean that he chooses not to come, but that’s the risk you took by having a DW. Hope everything works out!
Post # 14
@mrsSonthebeach: I have been invited to be a plus one to a small destination wedding. I had never met the couple before so I felt awkward. I was happily prepared to spend the day laying on the beach alone . Ended up the couple getting married were with fine me attending 🙂
Post # 15
@bluebelle23: Agreed. OP – I think you need to let this slide.
Post # 16
Hmm maybe they are making a longer vacation out of the DW. Are you sure she is planning on attending the wedding? Maybe she is going along but going to the spa or something while the wedding is taking place, then she and the invited guest will continue vacation plans.