(Closed) RSVP wording

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

You have ____ of ____ attending and then fill in the second blank, so it reads something like ____ of __2__ attending. And, you address the invitations 100% properly according to etiquette so that no one has any right to say they were confused.

Post # 4
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

We wrote “We have reserved ___ seats for you” and filled in the blank. Worked perfectly!

Post # 5
Member
7908 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

PS, I personally just relied on addressing them properly because I think it’s rude to assume your guests are too ignorant of etiquette to understand who was invited, but the reality is some people are that ignorant, so if you feel it’s necessary to fo the __ of __ thing, do it. I had not one single guest try to invite someone.

Post # 6
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’re being double cautious and using the “We have reserved __ seats in your name” bit & also on our details card “Sadly children & partners by invitation only”. Hopefully will work!!

Post # 7
Member
3295 posts
Sugar bee

I did “We reserved _____ seats in your honor.”

Post # 8
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Like those mentioned above ours says “___ seats have been reserved in your honor” at the top and then underneather “Attending” or “Not Attending” it says “____ Number attending.”

Post # 10
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee

@happyjoy:  I still struggle with my conscience every time I write “R.s.v.p.” at the bottom of an invitation, since polite folk — and all my guests are polite folk — are supposed to know to reply, in the same manner as that in which the invitation was extended, immediately upon receiving an invitation. I refuse to go the next step and imply that any of those polite folk might not even own stationery and stamps, or might not know how to hand-write their reply to a written invitation.
But, I will acknowledge the experience of so many Bees, that their friends in fact do not know, or at least do not do these things. It is very sad. However, I think that modern technology in the form of desktop publishing, mail-merge, and home databases, may simultaneously solve your problem; and allow all those bemused and recalcitrant guests to appear at least a little more proper. Let me explain:
The proper form of a hand-written response to an invitation is:

Miss Aspasia Phipps
accepts with pleasure the kind invitation of
Miss Happy Joy
to her marriage with
Mr Future Intended
on Saturday the fourteenth of October

In the unhappy event of not being able to accept, the response would be:

Miss Aspasia Phipps
regrets to decline the kind invitation of
Miss Happy Joy
to her marriage with
Mr Future Intended
due to a prior engagement/inability to travel

Once your master guest-list spreadsheet or database is set up, with one entry for each individual guest, you can then use mail-merge or instruct your printshop to do so, and produce an individual reply-card for each individual guest

Miss Aspasia Phipps

___   accepts with pleasure    ___  regrets to decline             (check one)

the kind invitation of
Miss Happy Joy

to her marriage with
Mr Future Intended,
and would prefer the

___ Wildebeast    ___ Ostrich     ___ Tofu                      (check one)

Then I would insert one stamped, self-addressed envelope, plus as many personalized reply cards as there are guests named on the invitation, into the invitation envelope.

The scheme isn’t perfect. There will inevitably be someone who regrets to decline, and would prefer the Ostrich. And your clever guests will either forge additional reply cards, or photocopy the one you provided and white-out the guest’s name in order to write in the names of their neighbour’s four children. Auntie Aspasia will throw out your pretty card and send a hand-written response on her own personal stationery. But it does neatly solve the problem of having to write names or numbers on the reply cards. No-one can claim there is any ambiguity about who is expected to reply. No one can trivially swap out their husband for your ex-boyfriend from college who happens to be their  bowling-partner. And it makes it very clear who wants the Wildebeast and who the Tofu — except of course for Auntie Aspasia who is leaving the choice up to you, and the six people who forgot to tick off that section of the form.

If you want to be even more certain to limit attendees, you can also insert “pew cards”. Pew cards are an old-fashioned and very snobby practice, dating back to the time when all weddings took place in churches and all church services were open to the public, and celebrities had to take their vows under the eyes of whatever riff-raff wandered in. Actually, my brother Aloysius and his wife used to do wedding-couple mentoring at a fashionable church that had an open-door policy, and that kind of thing routinely happened even in the nineteen-nineties.

To avoid your guests’ having to rub shoulders with the riff-raff, you would mark off the front rows of pews with ribbons: enough to seat your invited guests but no more. Guests were sent a card reading

Miss Aspasia Phipps
“Within the Ribbons”

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1683 posts
Bumble bee

(Dear Bee:

Please stop eating the last paragraph of my post. Thank-you.

Yours truly,

Aspasia Phipps)

 

 

The guest would then hand that card to the church-warden who stood guarding the ribboned-off area.. If you do choose to do something so eccentric and old-fashioned as pew cards; consider that nearly no-one in the twentyfirst century outside of Aloysius, his wife and me will have any clue what they are; and include a smaller-text line to the effect of “Please bring this card with you to obtain admission to the venue”. And please invite me. I have never had the privilege of having a special card granting me access “within the ribbons”. I suppose I don’t know enough celebrities. I promise to behave nicely at your wedding, and send you a soup-tureen.

 

Post # 12
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I’m still trying to figure out if I want kids at my wedding or not.

Post # 13
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@aspasia475:  The closing of this advice made me smile, even gigle a bit.  I cannot imagine Miss Aspasia Phipps behaving in any way that would not be decribed as “nicely”, particularly at a social gathering. 

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