RSVP wording

posted 3 years ago in Paper
Post # 2
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

we’re doing this:

_____regretfully decline

____accepts with pleasure

___of___ attending

Then we’ll fill in the of__ attending with the number of seats alloted for them.  We’re also writing out full names of everyone invited, so there are no mistakes or (fingers crossed) extras added in.

And no, its not tacky.

Post # 3
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Addresss the invitation, especially the inner envelope if you are using one, to all the people invited. If you are not inviting the children, do not put their names on the envelope.

Many couple now use the phrase   we  have reserved __ seats for you    

but that can cause problems too. Some people think that means they can substitite someone else for one of the named  guests.

If you have to follow up with people who add in extra guests, phone or email them and say

“There must have been a misunderstanding. We are not able to accomodate extra guests. I am sure you will understand. If that means you cannot attend, we will miss you at the wedding.”

Do not give any reasons or people will go into their problem solving mode:

<br />- that’s ok , junior can sit on my lap

– we are happy to pay for our extra guests

– he can share my meal

– Junior stays up late all the time  etc

Keep your message short and sweet.

Post # 4
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There should be a line for guests to write the names of those attending. I personally don’t like # attending, or # of seats reserved, it just doesn’t sit well with me. 

Post # 5
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

We had meal choices on ours.. so we had them put in the number for each meal they wanted…  number of chicken entrees, number of surf and turf entrees, or number of “other” entrees (with a line for dietary restrictions/allergies).


Post # 6
6700 posts
Bee Keeper

Your friend used the “t” word because in traditional etiquette circles the fill in the blank cards are thought to be nothing more than a crutch, and an offensive one at that because it implies that ones guests can’t be trusted to read or reply appropriately.  The most staunch of this group don’t include cards at all, expecting that guests will have the courtesy to reply to the invitation, generally on their own personal stationery,  in the names of those who were invited.

Well, in the real world that is probably a little unrealistic, so my compromise was to include the card, and a self addressed stamped envelope with only “The favour of a reply is requested by X date” language up top and a blank card below.  Believe it or not, everyone but one person figured it out and we got some very nice notes back, some done in the formal style, others casual and congratulatory. We only had to follow up with one person who added an extra guest and it was no big deal to correct his misunderstanding, in just the way  julies1949: mentioned.

The truth is that no matter what you do, some people will get it wrong intentionally or otherwise.   I don’t think the fill in the blank or reserved seat language is any more clear than letting people respond on behalf of those who were invited.  Sometimes less so.

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