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On ours I did:
We have reserved you __ seats
Number of guests attending __
And then I just stamped the number of guests in the top line and allowed them to fill in the bottom (mainly in case I were inviting 2 and only 1 could make it). There were only a few people that concerned me would do this so I just wanted to set it straight. I stamped a pink colored ink on my white cardstock with silver ink invites so people would notice it, too.
That is a great way to put it.... I will be trying this Thanks so much
if they add more add a perosnal note saying " we have a small guestlist and can only accomodate a certain number of people"
I did that with my girlfriends a few are are casually dating guys who they may not be serious about so I added a little note saying" because my guestlist is only 50 I have a very limited number to invite, if someone backs out then I will let you know if you can invite a date" I only invited a girlfriend's husband, everyone else are solo; unless some people back out; two are seriously dating now and my fiance met them so we willprobably invite them too
We're having a plated dinner, so we asked each guest -- the invited names are the only ones on the outer envelope (no inner) to initial her/his entree choice. That way, if more initials are there than guests we're inviting from that family/group, we'll know it...and can take the next step with the awkward (but necessary) phone call to fix the problem.
I second writing either "we have reserved __ seats in your honour", or "__ of __ attending" (or you can even put both!). You can also have them initial their meal choices, if you want to make double sure.
On a recent invite I got, it actually had a card that was a formal RSVP card M____ and also had a little are that said extra guests (but worded formally I forget what exactly) and I found it to be so weird.
Like what, they are allowing people to invite their own guests to come along? Lol.
I always thought that people would get the hint that only the people whose names were listed on the invitations would be invited. If only that were true! You can try the ___ of ___guests will be attending to give people the hint. Also, spread the info by word of mouth that the wedding is invitation only and you can only accommodate 125 guests.
This was BY FAR the worst part of wedding planning.
We did the "we have reserved ___ seats for you at the reception" thing, but people crossed out the number I had written and filled in their own number! Totally frustrating.
In the end it all worked out because we had quite a few people RSVP no, but my major wedding breakdown was over people adding in extra guests.
@La Gorda Bella - I was in the same boat. My family is the same way. Most of them have never been to formal weddings and they try to bring whomever they wish to a wedding. Well this was NOT accepted at ours. If they wanted to bring someone they had to ask first for approval. Luckily the only people who had asked were asking for people that should have been on the list in the first place.
Anyway, on the response card, I did have to put "We reserved ___ seats in your honour".
Somehow this seamed to have worked 
Our guest lists jumped because people decided they were going to invite others. I insisted on inner enveloped for that purpose. I want to be able to look at my wedding pictures and not have to wonder who is in the pictures. Unfortunetly, I think there will be 15-20 people who fall in that boat. And what gets me is that the invited guests know they are the only ones invited but invite others anyway. They really should ask for permission if they feel they need to bring a guest. I definetly suggest using the "we have reserved ______ seats in your honor" wording. If I had to do it all over again, that is the way to go. Now I'm in the process of doing the seating chart for all these people.
@La Gorda Bella: So, I'm guessing that this may be a cultural thing....I know that I will soon be sending out invitations and I am soooo dreading sending them to a few people, not because I don't want them there, but because they will probably take the invitation as an invitation for their whole family and their significant others!
If possible, post how everything turned out and whether your family took the subtle hint or whether they ended up doing whatever they wanted to. I would like to know what I have in store for me in a few weeks ;-) Suerte!
Just received my first rsvp that included the guests two children who were not included on the invitation because we have opted not to have children at the wedding. Awkward! I sent her an email saying how excited I was they she could come but explained how we had opted not to include children on our guest list because it is an evening wedding and because it is at a museum. Then I invited the family for a visit when we could spend time with them. I hope she understands. I will be checking my email all the time now until I hear from her.
We used the initial rsvp format....
I have heard that so many people have had a nightmare with unexpected RSVPs
One thought if you have extra time (it is more work)
Is to list the names of the people you are invited and next to EACH name have a check box accept and decline!
That way you won't have ppl crossing out the number and adding their own number!
My sister's RSVP's went as so:
"We have limited seating at the reception; with this in mind we have reserved ____ seats for you[&etc if applicable].
Number attending: _______
Please respond by ________."
Unfotunately we have a particular aunt & uncle who ALWAYS bring 2-4 extra guests. My sister knew that it was an inevitability & stressed over it intensely [who wouldn't with a venue limit of 150 and a guest list of 250?].
It was to the point that the MOH & other attendants had to quite bluntly tell the relatives [repeatedly] that there was limited seating & the venue was unable to accomodate 'extras.' It then escalated to the point of stating that The bride & groom did not even KNOW the 'extras.' Followed by several pleas of "PLEASE DO NOT BRING THEM TO THE SUPPER. They are welcome to join us in the ceremony & cocktails/dancing after dinner but we are simply unable to accomodate those outside of careful planning."
I hope you're able to politely convey to your guests the budgetary & venue restrictions when it comes to inwanted extras.
In my poor sisters case it came down to lines being drawn in the sand, name calling and the relatives in question being blacklisted by quite a few people. :/
We are having a casual wedding, and I didn't want to limit people too much, but now I'm kind of sorry I didn't. My dad RSVP-ed for 6 - himself and his girlfriend (invited) PLUS her three children and her teenage daughter's boyfriend! Really??!!
On the bright side, isn't it great that so many people want to come to your wedding?!
But the reality is, people do not read. They will RSVP plus one, even if the invitation doesn't say and guest. So, I like the idea of spelling it out on the RSVP card. Truthfully we sent out two types of RSVP cards. The ones for family out of town who we thought are always late, and who bring extra people, we sent out an earlier RSVP date and filled in ther card information. But we should have done it for everyone. Take the time upfront. Send the invitations out 2 months early, and get the RSVP date 3 weeks later. People know if they can come or can't. Give yourself plenty of lead time so you are not stressed. Ask for email so you can confirm and send out hotel information and say you will send directions closer to the event; one week before send out a reminder and directions. No one keeps all those inserts. It costs less too than mailing all that stuff.
The more you say Joe and Mary, the more they will understand it's for Joe and Mary only.
We have reserved a seat for
Joe [you fill in the name]
glady accepts
regrefully declines.
Mary [you fill in the name]
glady accepts
regrefully declines.
Email for Joe
Email for Mary
We did "___ of ___ attending," in part because my dad has a cousin who I invited with her husband. She called my mom to say that she, her three grown children and their mates, and her brother, his wife, and two children with dates were all really looking forward to it. (Seriously? I invite two, you want to bring 12 extra?) I think that cousin was pissed--she crossed out her "YES" on the response card and decided not to come. oh well.
In retrospect, I would have used "we have reserved __ seats in your honor" instead, but my husband didn't like the wording. It seems a little gentler though.
No matter what you do, people who want to bring uninvited guests will try to do it. I knew it was going to happen and my RSVP cards literally said we have reserved _ seats in your honor, then had the guests names printed below with the accept/decline boxes next to it for them to fill in. People still wrote in extra guests. So rude.
W...T.....F!!! I cant believe people will cross out the number of seats reserved and put in a new number!!!! omg! We are going to be using this line also.
Forget the wording... send along a little print out of wedding etiquette. Emily Post is rolling over in her grave. Where have people's manners gone?
I actually know someone who always invites guests to parties & events WITHOUT telling the host. Guess who didn't get an invite? :)
Okay, so for the practical advice: I think the best bet is "We have reserved ____ seats in your honor".
I'm so glad I saw this thread because this is my primary source of stress right now! My FI insists on inviting every relative he can think of as well as "family friends" and the children and spouses of these family friends (some of whom I know will try to bring all of THEIR kids along). One particular couple is known for bringing ziploc bags to events to collect the leftover food! I will be having some very specific RSVP cards made up. 
People are so rude!!
It's akward to put it on the card. I would just let everyone know by word of mouth that extra ppl WILL be turned away at the door, and that no extra people will be allowed. I have a website link to my STD and it clearly says, if you're name or someone in your families name is not on the invite, they're not invited. period. Be Firm! Good Luck!
It's akward to put it on the card. I would just let everyone know by word of mouth that extra ppl WILL be turned away at the door, and that no extra people will be allowed. I have a website link to my STD and it clearly says, if you're name or someone in your families name is not on the invite, they're not invited. period. Be Firm! Good Luck!
Also you gotta break it down by cost per head to your fiance. No it is not about family, it is about your vision and you cannot afford to invite everyone. Period.
OR on the RSVP card list everyone name's who is invites with a check next to it. If they pencil in more ppl just call them and let them know they cannot be accommodated... WHAT DO people do when extra ppl show up that are uninvited?
I know! Do all of this AND hire a bouncer who can check people off the list at the door. Anyone not on the list will not be allowed in and if they make a fuss the bug burly bouncer man can deal with them ;)
If you do the __ of __ attending do you leave the first __ empty and write in the number of guests on the second line? We are thinking of actually doing both the __ of __ AND __ seats have been reserved in your honor. The image is one I found of what my fiance and I might be doing, it is not our invitation. What does everyone think of it?
29635.jpg (20.1 KB, 420 downloads) 1 year old
I WISH that I had read this thread before sending out my invitations. I've been seriously stressing about the invite list (I have the budget for 250 and we invited 290, so we need 40 declines...). A second cousin (whom I can't even remember meeting) responded that she is attending with 4 guests. She was actually one of the invitees that we didn't think would even attend. Sigh. I don't know if it's proper etiquette, but I have to send her a card (I don't have her phone number or email.) saying that I'm excited that she is attending, but that because of the large size of our family and the venue's space limitations, we had only accounted for her and one guest. So freakin' awkward...
@WeddingMarie: people are soo rude, aren't they?
mine will look something like this:
The favor of a reply is requested by June 6, 2011
Mr. John Smith
will attend________ will not attend_______
Mrs. Jane Smith
will attend________ will not attend_______
there are no spaces for them to add in any other names or #'s attending, so hopefully no questions. Only John and Jane Smith are invited.
I am printing the guests names on thin clear labels and just attaching them to the preprinted blank rsvp cards. I also have a version for singles as well, luckily we don't have any invitees with more than 2 ppl invited.
My wedding is in 2 weeks, I just had to email a couple people to ask if they were coming, since they never sent out their RSVP, and my cousin's wife asked if she could bring her teenager (17 maybe) son to the wedding (why? he could do other things that day, not like he needs a baby sitter).
She knows our guest list is small (50 people) just family and really close friends.
What should I tell her?
I had this issue with my fiance's family - its just a cultural difference. If you invite one person, they assume everyone else in the family can come. We are having a tiny wedding (like 60) so we really stressed out hard about that. In the end we had to accomodate a few random guests just to avoid serious drama. I would say just accept that 10% of your guests will be people you don't want or just didn't expect to come. That way, if they don't then you can be happy, and if they do, you can be ready for it.
As for our RSVPs, we did 2 lists. The first priority guests (immediate family, best friends, non-negotiable guests) got their invitations first. We told these people we'd like RSVP as soon as possible so we could dip into our second list due to our tiny guest list. Since they are closer to us they were happy to let us know whether or not they were coming. Then once we got an idea of how many seats we'd have available for remaining guests, we sent invitations from the 2nd list accordingly. I would say we built 3-4 weeks in between sending invites from list A and list B. List B guests still got about a month's notice by the RSVP deadline (6 weeks before the wedding).
At that point, when we got RSVPs or phone calls about extra guests, we told them YOU are invited (and your SO if you have one). However, we will have to let you know about the others because we have venue constraints, and it will probably be short notice. At that point, most guests told us not to bother with the trouble. The few stragglers that insisted on bringing extra people got an invite from us with 2-3 days notice (and all of them actually RSVPed yes!)
That left us with 6 guests in our 62 guest wedding (i.e. about 10%) who were not originally expected to attend, but hey if they really want to be there that bad, then whatever.
I had a similar thing happening with only some of the guest... even though I had the text "___ Seats have been reserved in your honour" and I printed the number on the blank space... I verbally had to be specific! explaining that we want to keep it intimate and only those we stay in touch with. I had to explain that the venue will only set chairs for the exact head count I provide to them, based on the guest we specifically invited... It was a little hard.... it was like this was a new concept for them, this is usually the case with hispanic weddings.... =/
Very good advice here. I'm glad I found this because I didnt even think of that.
I wrote "We have reserved ___ seats in your honour," and that seemed to get the point across.
...That being said, I had one really good friend come up to me at the wedding and tell me, "[Friendly acquaintance of mine who I like but never would have thought of inviting to the wedding, but who is very good friends with the friend who was saying this thing] would be here, but she's having gall bladder surgery in the morning and couldn't come. She sends you her best wishes, though!"
I was kind of speechless. I just said that I hoped her surgery went well and that it was a shame I didn't see her. Oh well.
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My FH's family tends to each bring three or four extra guests with them. (They dont normally have formal weddings.) We are have a really tight and small budget so we can only feed a specific amount of people... 125... how can i specify on the response cards that only a specific amount of people per family are invited.. without sounding rude.... I would feel horrible if there was not enough food or seating for our "real"guests.... please help me out....