RSVP.. Yes or No? That is seriously the question…

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3089 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@dreamer1288:  It’s a no.  Tell them that their lack of response indicates a no so they don’t show up, too.

Post # 4
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dreamer1288:  Firstly, I would stop communicating via Facebook.

I would give them a phone call. If you don’t get to speak directly to them, I would leave  a message telling them that you needed final numbers for the caterer, and if you didn’t hear back from them by ____ (you pick the date) you would have to assume they are unable to attend and would miss them at the wedding.

Post # 5
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

If they can’t bother to respond then I’d take it as a no. 

Post # 6
1302 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@Brideonabudgetlauren:  +1. I would send them each one more message and let them know that you are taking their lack of response as a no.

Post # 7
592 posts
Busy bee

That happened to me too.  I just assumed it was a no. 

Post # 8
1018 posts
Bumble bee

@dreamer1288:  Sounds like a no but they don’t want to give an excuse so they are avoiding you. But let them know that you counted it as a no.

Post # 9
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would call them and ask them if they’re coming. You don’t want to just assume it’s a no and then have them show up….

Post # 11
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’d message them one more time and say that if you don’t get an answer by X date, you have to count them as a no. 

Post # 13
6953 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@dreamer1288:  Are they actually responding that way? Who doesn’t know that you can’t just show up “if you feel like it that day”?  Tell them you have to give final numbers to the caterer TODAY and if they can’t commit to coming they will be missed. 

Ugh. I would be so tempted to add “This isn’t a potluck at my house, it’s a freaking wedding!” But you probably shouldn’t. 

Post # 14
42135 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dreamer1288:  I think you need to make up your mind if you want a “yes” or “no” or not.

You posted above that you were going to count them as a no, but then also said you are going to book 15 extra plates. I can’t imagine why you would want to pay that amount for people who may not attend. Now you’re wondering what to do about people who may or may not show, depending on what else is going on at the time.

I also can’t imagine inviting people to my wedding for whom I don’t even have a phone number.

I suggest you re-contact them again, by whatever means you communicate and tell them:

We need final numbers for the caterer. If we  don’t hear back from them by ____ (you pick the date) we will have to assume you are unable to attend .We will not be including you in the catering count  (sounds better than saying “we will not provide you a meal”) and would miss them at the wedding.

It’s fine for people to say that “if they show up, too bad for them”, but the reality is that it will be the hosts who have to worry about running around at the last minute adding tables, chairs, place settings and talking to the caterers, if you don’t take a firm stance that they are either coming or not coming, period.

Post # 15
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@dreamer1288:  Yeah there’s no damn way people can actually think it’s appropriate to say basically “i’ll be there if I feel like it.” Do people SERIOUSLY not know what goes into planning a wedding?! Tell them the truth, you need final numbers for the caterer by ___. I agree with PP, if they can’t commit, tell them they will be missed at the wedding and hopefully you can get together another time.

Post # 16
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@dreamer1288:  I would absolutely take it as a no.  And even if for some reason, they actually mean yes and try to show up (which I think is doubtful at this point), then that’s too bad for them.  Their actions are rude and if they couldn’t be bothered to respond appropriately, then I’d cross them off the list. 

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