Post # 1
Our RSVP due date passed 5 days ago. I had to track down answers from several people who hadn’t responded by the due date, including a family friend who we’ll call John. He is in his mid-30’s, lives in the state I used to live in (1500 miles away), and at the time I was making out our invitations, I asked him if he was dating anyone so I could make sure to invite that person. John said he wasn’t dating anyone, so I addressed the invitation to him only and then inside I wrote “1 seat has been reserved in your honor.”
The day after our RSVP due date, I contacted John and asked if he would be able to make it to the wedding. He said “yes, I will be there” and then asked me about where to stay since many of the hotels are sold out by now. The wedding is semi-formal and in Las Vegas which is a 3 hour drive from him, and there are 2 major events that are going on that week so the city is going to be very busy.
Now, 4 days after I contacted him, he just texted me and asked “can I bring a date to your wedding? I paid for her already… she is local from Vegas.” I have no idea what to reply with. We’re trying to keep our wedding on the smaller side and stick to only people we know. I’m not even sure if this is someone he’s been dating or has ever even met. It sounds kind of sketchy to me and to be honest, I’d have been more receptive to the idea if he had asked before the RSVP due date, but I’m worn out after tracking down 40 answers from people who never responded. What do I say now?
Post # 3
Just tell him that you don’t have room and won’t be able to accommodate her.
Post # 4
I would say no, sorry we are almost at our max head count of what we can afford and we are still waiting for some late responders.
Post # 5
The thing is, technically we have more space for 1 more person, and I’m afraid he’ll see that at the wedding and get mad or ask about it. Should I just tell him there’s not enough space anyway?
ETA: It would be completely true to say that we’re getting very close to our budget for catering, though. I really can’t afford to add many more people… at this point we’re 1 person over what we budgeted for, without his “addition.”
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
Just tell him:
“Hi John! I’m so glad that you are going to be able to make it to the wedding! Unfortunately, we have already had to give our venue the final numbers for the big day and will be unable to accomodate your date. Can’t wait to see you!”
Even if that isn’t the truth. Just make it short and sweet. It is rude of him to assume that a last minute addition is okay, especially after you gave him every chance to add a +1.
ETA: I saw that you said your venue had room. Doesn’t matter in my book. If he has the galls to say anything to you about it, just say that you had a guest that didn’t show. Heck, don’t say anything, you really don’t have to explain anything other than “no”.
Post # 7
I would let him since he is traveling far.
But if you choose not to, I expect he would probably no show.
Post # 8
Don’t mention budget or being unable to afford another guest. He may offer to pay for her meal.
Just tell him that you are sorry, but you are maxed out for your venue.
Post # 9
Traveling to Vegas from California is something he does several times a year to party, so it’s not really traveling far for him.
Good point about paying for the meal, though. Maybe I’ll just tell him final numbers are in and we can’t add any more. I really did give him the opportunity to tell me if he had someone to invite, then he had 2 months to RSVP. I kind of feel like he’s had plenty of time to get this figured out before now.
He will also know other people at the wedding, so it’s not like he’ll be completely solo.
Post # 10
“No” is a valid answer. Adding “I’m sorry” and even explaining final numbers are in would soften the blow. 🙂
Post # 11
@julies1949: yesss. the money doesn’t matter if the answer is no regardless. And your budget is none of his business, IMO.
Post # 12
Are you sure he wasn’t joking? Because when I read “I paid for her already”, I get a joking vibe from the text given that you’re getting married in Vegas. If it doesn’t mean what I think it means….what does that mean???
Post # 13
what the HELL does “i paid for her already” mean?! is he joking about bringing a hooker. serious about bringing a hooker? got a really demanding girlfriend? confused! lol
Post # 14
I’m pretty sure he’s joking… lol sometimes guys say stupid things like that just to play with you
Post # 15
I think you should just let him bring the date. It sounds like you don’t care that much, and it might be easier than dealing with more RSVP trouble at this date.