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I personally don't think it's that big a deal. Most people with full-time jobs get to take personal days and vacation time, but when you're a makeup artist, you don't get paid for the time you take off. She obviously needs the money from the other wedding but she also obviously wants to be there to celebrate the day with you as much as she can. What's wrong with that?
I can see why you'd be upset. But I am confused - were you going to pay her to do your makeup on your wedding day? If so, she never should have taken the other job. If not, I can understand why she would take it (sounds like you do too). But at the end of the day, she's still invited to your wedding, right? You weren't only inviting her b/c she was doing your makeup. So if she can only make the reception then it shoudln't bother you.
It may be a regional thing, but this happens or has happened a lot in weddings I've been to where not everyone comes to the ceremony and shows up for the reception. In fact, I'm definitely not expecting all of our guests to attend both the ceremony and reception and I personally won't be upset - but i do see your point because really you are inviting them to celebrate your marriage (which is the ceremony) and not just to the party. Sorry - don't really have advice on how to handle it
Will she know other people there? I wouldn't be bothered that she wasn't attending the ceremony but I would have a problem with her bringing some random guy that she just started dating. Unless of course she won't know many people at the wedding. Numbers are a big stressor for me.
Actually, I don't think I would mind. We have several people who are coming to only one part or another (and it's all back to back) and I'm happy as long as they are there for any part of it! But that's just my opinion.
I also think it is rude to attend the reception without attending the ceremony. To me, the ceremony is the most important part and the reception is just a party to celebrate afterwards. I can see why you're upset, but in the end there's nothing you can really do about it. It's not worth getting in a fight about. I'd allow her to come to just the reception and not say anything to her about it.
To answer your questions:
Yes, I'm paying her to do everyone's makeup (and I'm not getting the friend discount).
She is a friend and would be invited even if she wasn't doing my makeup.
We have at least a dozen mutual friends that will all be attending, so she will know lots of people.
I guess I'm bothered by this because I'm pretty traditional, and would never consider RSVPing for someone's wedding and plan to skip the actual ceremony. I view the ceremony as the important part of the day as that is when people will actually be witnessing us exchange vows and become husband and wife.
Maybe I should just talk to her about the timing of her other job. We are having a formal, plated, multi course dinner reception with assigned seats. So if she's late to the reception, it will be really noticable.
we are having a long ceremony and i am not expecting everyone to come to the ceremony and there are som that just cant because of work or school or whatever, and im totally fine with it so dont stress about it! people have more importnat obligations than your wedding!
Let it go, doll. There will be so many other things to stress about, don't let it bother you.
At least she is coming to one part of it. And sure you don't know how her finances are, perhaps her circumstances are so tight she has to take the other job, but she'd still like to be at your wedding so this is maybe the best of bad options?
FI and I are guilty of attending only the receptions of some weddings... mostly due to work or school conflicts, but sometimes it's due to the dreaded 2+ hour gap in between the ceremony and reception. I really can't handle a 2+ hour gap, so we usually opt our of attending the ceremony in those cases.
I agree with HunnyBear that it might be a regional thing. I had a lot of people show up at my reception (at my first wedding) that didn't come to the ceremony. When I asked my mother why, she said some people (and it was mostly older people) feel that the ceremony is very personal and religious and is an intimate event mostly meant for family. They then come for the reception to help celebrate. The way my mom explained it, they almost feel like they are intruding at the ceremony.
I'm not saying I agree...but I know there are those who see it that way.
I know it sucks, but she's probably thinking that you would want have her there for part of the day rather than not at all. I would just try to be happy that she can be there at all.
I will be offended if people only come to the party and not my wedding. I do care about that stuff and find it rude. Also if you are paying for 2 plates of food for people that won't be there for the dinner that also isn't fair to you.
My aunt and her flowershop crew do this all the time. They will go set-up for one wedding and leave and go setup for the next and then come back to the reception. In my case they showed up at noon decorated and were still decorating the ball room during the ceremony. My aunt came and watched the ceremony but the rest of the crew stayed inside. I think it hurt them more that they missed the ceremony then it did me. I've know the flowershop crew since I was a little girl.
So to answer your question. No I wouldn't be upset if she left to go do the other girls' make-up and come back to at least witness part of your day.
Since she has another job to get to then wants to make it back for your reception I wouldn't be upset. I have family that's not coming to my ceremony because of my religion.. THAT annoys me if it was a job or school or previous obligation I would think you shouldn't be upset. She wants to celebrate with you.
I would however be irritated by guests who bring new bf/gf's with them
we actually had a couple that told us they didn't make it to the ceremony - but was on time for the reception.
I'm with most people. I think it is in quite poor taste to not attend the ceremony, yet come to the reception.
It is understandable with work or school conflicts. But my blood started boiling when FFIL said people wouldn't come because of the gap between the ceremony and reception (ceremony at 2, cocktails at 5). I think it is to be expected that a wedding will have time between the two, photos and what not need to get done. I shouldn't have to do photos beforehand (I want my FI to see me for the first time when I walk down the aisle).
If I knew a guest of mine was not coming to the ceremony simply because they don't want to occupy themselves before the reception, I would almost not want them to come at all. The ceremony is so important and special, and if you care about the couple you should attend both. And if you don't care about the couple, then politely decline the whole event.
This is totally a regional thing. It is 100% commonplace for guests to skip the ceremony and just come to the "party" where I'm from (Chicago). Yes, it's quite inconvenient when the ceremony is at 1 PM and the reception does not start until 6:30, expecially when there is a significant distance between the two as well. I always make it a point to attend family and close friend ceremonies, but coworkers or casual friends, yes, I will choose to skip it and just attend the reception. I will have absolutely NO problem with the people who do not attend the ceremony and just the reception. But again, that's what is typically done in my neck of the woods.
I dont find it rude. Personally I would rather only attend receptions. And we are getting married in another country so no one can attend the ceremony.
I think most of the time it's rude to attend a reception and not the ceremony and I would do anything I could to avoid doing that to a friend or family member but I'm pretty forgiving of others that do so. Stuff happens. If she's a friend, it probably wasn't her #1 choice to take on another job that day but sometimes that happens.
It's just not worth stressing over.
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A friend of mine is a makeup artist. As soon as I got engaged I booked her to do my wedding makeup as well as makeup for both Moms and the bridesmaids. After I sent the STDs, she finalized the time she's doing our makeup "because another bride wants to book her that same day". And she took the job. I was hurt that she wasn't going to be able to come to the wedding because she's taking a job during my wedding, but figured business might be bad and she needs the cash.
Then I receive an RSVP that she is coming to the reception (and bringing her new boyfriend). But as far as I know she still has the other job during our ceremony. I think its really rude to come to the reception, but not the ceremony. But I'm not sure what to do. I need to ask her about her RSVP anyway (as she didn't indicate her guest's name). Do I also ask her if she's now able to come to the wedding? If she really is planning on just coming to the reception - what should I do or say?
I should probably mention I saw her at a party a few weeks ago and she left at 8ish, to go to a wedding reception. Apparently she had another job, so she couldn't make the ceremony, so she just went to the reception. I was so shocked at the time I didn't say anything.
Please tell me someone else has had this problem! What should I do?