Post # 1
A friend of mine is a makeup artist. As soon as I got engaged I booked her to do my wedding makeup as well as makeup for both Moms and the bridesmaids. After I sent the Save-The-Date Cards, she finalized the time she’s doing our makeup “because another bride wants to book her that same day”. And she took the job. I was hurt that she wasn’t going to be able to come to the wedding because she’s taking a job during my wedding, but figured business might be bad and she needs the cash.
Then I receive an RSVP that she is coming to the reception (and bringing her new boyfriend). But as far as I know she still has the other job during our ceremony. I think its really rude to come to the reception, but not the ceremony. But I’m not sure what to do. I need to ask her about her RSVP anyway (as she didn’t indicate her guest’s name). Do I also ask her if she’s now able to come to the wedding? If she really is planning on just coming to the reception – what should I do or say?
I should probably mention I saw her at a party a few weeks ago and she left at 8ish, to go to a wedding reception. Apparently she had another job, so she couldn’t make the ceremony, so she just went to the reception. I was so shocked at the time I didn’t say anything.
Please tell me someone else has had this problem! What should I do?
Post # 3
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I personally don’t think it’s that big a deal. Most people with full-time jobs get to take personal days and vacation time, but when you’re a makeup artist, you don’t get paid for the time you take off. She obviously needs the money from the other wedding but she also obviously wants to be there to celebrate the day with you as much as she can. What’s wrong with that?
Post # 4
I can see why you’d be upset. But I am confused – were you going to pay her to do your makeup on your wedding day? If so, she never should have taken the other job. If not, I can understand why she would take it (sounds like you do too). But at the end of the day, she’s still invited to your wedding, right? You weren’t only inviting her b/c she was doing your makeup. So if she can only make the reception then it shoudln’t bother you.
Post # 5
It may be a regional thing, but this happens or has happened a lot in weddings I’ve been to where not everyone comes to the ceremony and shows up for the reception. In fact, I’m definitely not expecting all of our guests to attend both the ceremony and reception and I personally won’t be upset – but i do see your point because really you are inviting them to celebrate your marriage (which is the ceremony) and not just to the party. Sorry – don’t really have advice on how to handle it
Post # 6
Will she know other people there? I wouldn’t be bothered that she wasn’t attending the ceremony but I would have a problem with her bringing some random guy that she just started dating. Unless of course she won’t know many people at the wedding. Numbers are a big stressor for me.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden
Actually, I don’t think I would mind. We have several people who are coming to only one part or another (and it’s all back to back) and I’m happy as long as they are there for any part of it! But that’s just my opinion.
Post # 8
I also think it is rude to attend the reception without attending the ceremony. To me, the ceremony is the most important part and the reception is just a party to celebrate afterwards. I can see why you’re upset, but in the end there’s nothing you can really do about it. It’s not worth getting in a fight about. I’d allow her to come to just the reception and not say anything to her about it.
Post # 9
To answer your questions:
Yes, I’m paying her to do everyone’s makeup (and I’m not getting the friend discount).
She is a friend and would be invited even if she wasn’t doing my makeup.
We have at least a dozen mutual friends that will all be attending, so she will know lots of people.
I guess I’m bothered by this because I’m pretty traditional, and would never consider RSVPing for someone’s wedding and plan to skip the actual ceremony. I view the ceremony as the important part of the day as that is when people will actually be witnessing us exchange vows and become husband and wife.
Maybe I should just talk to her about the timing of her other job. We are having a formal, plated, multi course dinner reception with assigned seats. So if she’s late to the reception, it will be really noticable.
Post # 10
we are having a long ceremony and i am not expecting everyone to come to the ceremony and there are som that just cant because of work or school or whatever, and im totally fine with it so dont stress about it! people have more importnat obligations than your wedding!
Post # 11
Let it go, doll. There will be so many other things to stress about, don’t let it bother you.
At least she is coming to one part of it. And sure you don’t know how her finances are, perhaps her circumstances are so tight she has to take the other job, but she’d still like to be at your wedding so this is maybe the best of bad options?
Post # 12
Just read your reply there. Absolutely check the timing with her.
Post # 13
Fiance and I are guilty of attending only the receptions of some weddings… mostly due to work or school conflicts, but sometimes it’s due to the dreaded 2+ hour gap in between the ceremony and reception. I really can’t handle a 2+ hour gap, so we usually opt our of attending the ceremony in those cases.
Post # 14
I agree with HunnyBear that it might be a regional thing. I had a lot of people show up at my reception (at my first wedding) that didn’t come to the ceremony. When I asked my mother why, she said some people (and it was mostly older people) feel that the ceremony is very personal and religious and is an intimate event mostly meant for family. They then come for the reception to help celebrate. The way my mom explained it, they almost feel like they are intruding at the ceremony.
I’m not saying I agree…but I know there are those who see it that way.
Post # 15
I know it sucks, but she’s probably thinking that you would want have her there for part of the day rather than not at all. I would just try to be happy that she can be there at all.
Post # 16
Thanks ladies. I’m going to let it go and just check with her on timing.