RSVPs and etiquette

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: 'XX number if seats are reserved in your honor' rude or not?
    Yes : (7 votes)
    8 %
    No : (78 votes)
    91 %
    Other : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1208 posts
    Bumble bee

    No, it’s one of the best ways to control your numbers.

    Post # 4
    Hostess
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    That’s what we are doing.. I honestly have no idea why it would be considered rude.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    @asb983:  No, but I’d like to hear from the person who voted yes why they feel that way.

    Post # 6
    Member
    795 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Nope. Every one is doing it because most of the time its the guests who are rude and add people to their RSVP cards. Its one of the easiest ways to control your numbers. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    6888 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    Those that know true etiquette will not be a fan.  It will imply to them that you think your  guests are either too ignorant to know how to read an invitation or too inconsiderate to reply appropriately. Anyway, I would not do this.

    My reply cards were actually completely blank with only the favor of a reply by date up top.  Any invitation brings with it an obligation to reply with or without the crutch of little cards, capital Ms as prompts etc. People are supposed to have enough on the ball to respond appropriately.

    I wasn’t willing to take things quite as far as using no cards, but would not write in the number for people as if they were planning to pull a fast one on me.  I’d rather chase the offenders down individually and err on the side of assuming good manners for the majority.  Luckily we had only one person who added a name.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1041 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I have heard people say that it is rude, but I think it can be helpful. I had received an invitation to a friend’s wedding a little over a year ago. Since I had first heard about her wedding I had assumed that I was going with my FI. It was only when I saw the RSVP said only one seat was reserved that I realized my FI wasn’t invited to come with me. I guess I’d been under the assumption that since we live together we are a package deal.

    Post # 9
    Member
    11731 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I know a lot of people do this, and it’s fairly acceptable now.  Personally, I think it looks like you’re telling your guests they can’t be trusted to read the invitation correctly to know who is invited.  BUT, I recognize misreading/misinterpreting invitations does happen quite often, so I don’t think it’s rude, but I do think it has a certain tone/attitude about it that I do not appreciate.

    We did not do this on our invitations, and no one added any guests to their responses who were not invited.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1769 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    One side effect can be that ppl think they get to bring x # of ppl even if they bring ppl other than the guests you invited. We arent using that phrase so our invitees are more clear that there isn’t just switcheroos for the invited guests. It’s yes or no for each individual named. They can contact us with any other issues or questions. But I don’t think that phrase is rude. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    @weddingmaven:  Hi!  🙂

    Those that know true etiquette will not be a fan.  It will imply to them  that you think your  guests are either too ignorant to know how to read an  invitation or too inconsiderate to reply appropriately. Anyway, I would not do  this.

    My reply cards were actually completely blank with only the favor of a reply  by date up top.  Any invitation brings with it an obligation to reply with  or without the crutch of little cards, capital Ms as prompts etc. People are  supposed to have enough on the ball to respond appropriately.

    I agree that they should, but the problem is that some (even a lot) will not. 🙂

    I wasn’t willing to take things quite as far as using no cards, but would not  write in the number for people as if they were planning to pull a fast one on  me.  I’d rather chase the offenders down individually and err on the side  of assuming good manners for the majority.  Luckily we had only one person  who added a name.

    You know what happens when you ASSuME, right??…  LOL  🙂  If there are serious budget constraints, I don’t see what the problem is, honestly…  I know that old-fashioned etiquette will say no, however these were the days when the venue didn’t charge “by the plate/person” if you know what I mean…  Personally, I would want a pretty good idea of how many to expect so that I didn’t overspend and have too much or even worse — be short on food/drinks.  Having 200 show up when you were expecting 80 is not good at all.  And it will reflect on who is paying for the reception.  Guests just want to have fun — they probably won’t critique your invitation.  🙂

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    305 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    OP, another thing to consider (don’t know if this has been mentioned yet and don’t know if you plan to do place cards)…

    What would additional (i.e. uninvited) guests do/think when everyone sits down at his/her place card and they discover that there is no spot for them.  Just something to think about…  🙂 

    Post # 13
    Member
    455 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @asb983:  I find it mildly insulting. I can read an envelope. I’ve seen this language on invitations and I don’t dwell on it, but it does give the impression that the host doesn’t think much of his/her guests.

    One way to avoid doing this is to write each guest’s name on the reply card. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @asb983:  In the most polite terms I think so.

    It implies that your guests are otherwise too stupid to know how to read invitations.  In reality I know that in fact many people are too stupid or just not educated in polite manner to read the invitation.

    I also think that is is quite socially acceptable, if not following the most strict guidelines.

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