RSVP's coming back and guests inviting friends!!!!

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

They need to understand that this is not a BUDGET issue but a CAPACITY issue.  Tell them that no more than 60 bodies can be at that particular location and to have more than 60 will violate fire codes.  They should have provided a complete guest list initially, none of this ‘adding people on’ business.  FI needs to drop the hammer on his siblings about their random dates.  If you’re feeling generous, you can tell them that after the RSVPs are all back, IF there’s room you’ll let them bring their guests.  If there’s not any room, then too damn bad.

Post # 4
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@FutureArmyWife12:  Sorry you are going through this!  That’s so rude!  But some people are just clueless.  A couple of my people are doing that as well, although it’s not a capacity issue for us, so we’re just kicking in the extra expense.

Post # 5
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureArmyWife12:  Are THEY paying? If not, THEY need to can it. I will never, for the life of me, understand people that get *mad at the bride and groom* for only being able to invite a set number of people. They are welcome to conduct their weddings however they want: this one is yours and you get to decide who comes and who doesnt.

In-laws or not, if we run into this situation I will not be sugar-sweet about it: “60 is all we can hold. The list is made, sorry if our limited venue size offends people.”

Period, end of discussion.

Post # 7
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@FutureArmyWife12:  Absolutely do not even think about picking a new venue: if they want to have a party and invite everyone they know, they can throw one themselves.

Post # 8
11300 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

@badabing88:  In-laws or not, if we run into this situation I will not be sugar-sweet about it: “60 is all we can hold. The list is made, sorry if our limited venue size offends people.”

OP, you and your FI need to say exactly this^^. Just keep repeating it.

Post # 9
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

What I wish you could say: “Well FMIL, unless you have some sort of magical powers that can make the room bigger, we cannot invite these extra people.  We do not HAVE to invite anyone else, and further more it is not physically possible.  Now shut your big trap and go away.”

Now back to reality, you need to stand firm that this is about capacity of the room.  Forget budget, because she’ll find loopholes there (like guilting you to pay more).  When she says she just has to invite someone, say “I’m sorry but this is not possible”.  Stay short and firm with your responses.  At the end of the day she can complain as much as she wants but there is really nothing she can do about it.  You (or FI) have to bite the bullet and personally tell these people that they are not getting a plus one.

Post # 10
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

If they are still insistent on it. Make sure you develop of a list of who is allowed in the reception venue and either hire someone or ask someone to play bouncer. All you need is for your venue to get to capacity and then the venue is turning around people who should be there and not people who weren’t invited. Make sure you tell the parents this as well. If they are smart they will back down as the fact that friends are getting turned away at the door would be more embarrasing then not being invited.

Post # 11
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think you need to call those particular people who invited extras and say something along the lines of “I’m sorry, but because of capacity reasons we cannot allow all of our guests to bring someone with them, and we have no extra room for the additional people you put down on your RSVP card. I will mark you down as coming to the wedding without a guest.”

Well, something like that.
I’m not very eloquent.

There’s no point in arguing over this with his mom, especially if she hasn’t invited extra people (yet).

And BTW, I’d consider having someone at the door checking people on the invite list so that people don’t try to bring extras out of spite.
But that’s just me.

Post # 13
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@FutureArmyWife12:  SO RUDE! ok…what you need to do (to give them a reality check) is get your COORDINATOR to send you something official looking in print…even if its just an email stating that the max capacity for the venue is 60 people. According to your contract and Due to fire regulations etc etc… YOU can be fined a hefty fee if there happens to be someone doing a count. ONLY 60 seats will be set up and no more place settings will be available.

tell her that since brother and sister are attending a family event, they will know more then enough people that they dont need to bring a guest to occupy them. Invited guests only need a plus one when they dont know anyone else at the wedding.

Then, if she proceeds to go on….price out another venue that will hold more, and complile an estimated bill for the cancellation fee of your current venue, and ALL over and above costs you will incur (food, decorations you name it)…and give it to her and say….”MIL here is costs you will be responsible for in full in order to change the wedding”….maybe she will change her tune! 

Post # 14
1951 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@FutureArmyWife12:  I seriously cannot understand why its so hard for people to understand the concept of “capacity.” Your venue holds 60, bottom line. What is she planning on doing about that?

For now, develop a “B” list, and tell FMIL that depending on the RSVPs of “A” list guests, you can CONSIDER extending them an invitation. 


Post # 16
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@FutureArmyWife12:  I hope everything works out for you. If all else fails, I would have the coordinator call them and let them know if a person’s name is NOT on the approved guest list you will not be letting them in.

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