Post # 1
So we have gotten back about 1/5 of our RSVPs for our June 19 wedding. The deadline isn’t until May 23, but already we have received two separate “yes” RSVPs for people that weren’t on our master guest list! They are family members of FI’s that probably should have been invited but for some reason they are not on our list. I even went back through old versions and they were never on the list!
So now my question is, how did they receive invitations if their name and address were never on there?! When we assembled everything, FI’s mom was in charge of addressing. There were a couple times she would say, “So-and-so is missing,” or “This is the wrong address,” and we would fix it and update it on the list. I know she wouldn’t have just written out invitations to people that weren’t on the list without saying something first!
I had FI call his dad, because these are his family members, to see what the deal is – maybe they were RSVPing from another invitation? His dad’s response was that these people were definitely invited. Okay… so, how are they not on the dang list?!
I am stressing about this because what if this continues to happen? We already invited way more people than I really wanted to or that we could afford because we have big families, and now the number is continuing to climb after I thought it was solid! What do we do?
Post # 3
OH NO!!!! You probably have to sit down and talk with them and let them know if the list grows you will have to put more money down for the food!
I am glad you mention this so I know that I need to do my own invitations. If I let my mom do them she might just throw more people on to the list!
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2010 - Ocean View Villas/Jasmine Seafood Restaurant
that does sound odd. You definitely need to talk with them. Were their extra invitations they used? Or did they start dropping people in order to add these new ones?
Post # 5
Yikes! That’s tough! Can you cross reference lists? How many invites did you order vs how many you have left, etc? It might help to see how many people are on the list, how many invites went out, etc?
Post # 6
Oh boy, that is stressful! And bizarre. But I assume these people just somehow flew under the radar on your end. If you have a large guest list, its easy to do. Unfortunately, I really don’t see anything you can do. The damage is done since the invites are out. The one thing you can do is the same thing I’m doing… hope not everyone can show up!
Post # 7
“I know she wouldn’t have just written out invitations to people that weren’t on the list without saying something first!”
This is clearly exactly what she did. There’s no way they could have received an invitation to RSVP with if she didn’t send them one. At this point, the damage is done, though, cause you can’t very well go back to them and say, sorry actually you weren’t supposed to get an invitation, you’re not invited. That’s a crappy situation, though. Your FMIL was way out of line there.
ETA: This is exactly why I’m doing the invitations myself – no surprises!
Post # 8
Hmm, I second HotWings. Definitely talk to them. It could be as simple as your FMIL thought they were invited and wrote them invites and didn’t send invites to 2 other people by accident.
Post # 9
That is pretty odd and bizarre. Hmmmm. If it were just one or something like that – okay, easy to see how it could have been an isolated incident where FMIL wrote out one and forgot to mention it to you or add it to a list – but if there is more than one like that – something is going on and everyone should probably sit down with all versions of everyone’s list and go through just to make sure all the bases are covered. How strange! Hope you get it all sorted out!!
Post # 10
@Dancy905: I’m not sure it would be very easy to count up how many invites were actually mailed as opposed to the number on the list, as there were quite a few envelope “mess ups”, and I don’t recall the exact number of invitations we received. Our printer threw in extras so its not the number we ordered. Good idea though!
I did cross reference all the lists, and these names never appeared.
@Kittyachi: I really don’t think that is what happened. She is not the type of person to do that without saying something. Also, she was sitting at my kitchen table the whole time working from the list – I doubt she has addresses memorized! She also made a very big deal about making sure I updated any changes we made because she knew it was important to keep everything straight, so it wouldn’t make sense for her to add people without telling me. But maybe she did – it would just blow my mind!
@littlemissmoo: I guess that is possible, its just that since she was working from the list I put together, she would have had to have known their addresses on her own, as these people’s addresses are nowhere on any of our lists.
I really don’t want to have to call FMIL about this because I am stressed about it and it could get tense, so I am going to wait and see if it happens again. If it was two flukes, okay, things happen with a big wedding. If it happens again, I am going to have to call her and ask her what happened. Please pray that doesn’t happen!!
Post # 11
How are these family members related? If they’re the adult children of an Aunt or Uncle perhaps that’s how they got the RSVP – the parents couldn’t make it but passed it to their child who could come.
On our list we have several college-aged (20-22) children and we are just sending invites to their parents since that’s where they will be in the summer. We might get back a few RSVPs with cousins we forgot to include who are in this situation.
Post # 12
Wow – I elected to put the invitees names directly on the RSVP cards to help avoid numerous issues (RSVP’ing for more than who was invited, children, etc.) and I guess it will help avoid this really strange situation too. They can’t get an invite/RSVP card without them being in my word doc!
Post # 13
I would definitely have a family meeting with both sides of the family and figure out where these extra invites/RSVPs are coming from and do a quick review of the master guest list! Good luck to you!
Post # 14
It’s fishy, for sure. Don’t be afraid of your FMIL:-) No fear, dear. Innocently say, “You know, I don’t remember so-and-so being on the list. Can I see your invitation address book?” She’ll fess up if guilty, at which point you can say… something like…. um, well mom, got some extra money lying around???? Just kidding… but, don’t let yourself be afraid of the lady – it was probably an honest error, but if she did try to get one by on you, let her know (wink, wink) you caught her at it. And if it’s more than this couple, I would seriously start asking for donations.
Post # 15
Is it possible you are looking at the wrong version (electronically) I assume? If FMIL has her own version, could you ask for either a photocopy or electronic copy? Just tell them you think somehow your file got messed up and you can’t properly track the invitations without the correct list.
Post # 16
Wow that’s really weird…I agree with FMILady, I (or make FI do it) would call her and just ask. She may have just forgotten to tell you about it.