Post # 1
I have to vent to someone ladies and since venting to my mother just made me scream at her at the top of my lungs which I never do(and in turn called her and apologized). My “aunt” one of her best friends received a rsvp from us that said you have 1 seat reserved in your name. she proceeded to scratch it out and write in 3 then wrote down the names of other people, one of which i don’t even know. Then today I received another from one of her best friends that had 2 seats and she too scratched it out and wrote 3. I mean seriously what the hell. Tell me if I am wrong but that is so rude and inconsiderate, and I cant believe they are doing this. Oh and the other one was my uncle. He had one seat since I don’t care for his girlfriend she is hood and I rarely see her and I have the right not to invite her. So since my little cousin isn’t going my uncles and mother decided amongst themselves that his girlfriend could come. So I ask my mom if she could talk to this people and she basically says no, and she tells me she will just pay for them(keep in mind she lost her job in jan of this year) she couldn’t even help us with the wedding which we didnt ask her too even before she lost her job. She still paid for my dress even after she lost her job and I kept telling her she didn’t have too and I don’t want her paying for these extra people and its just rude what they are doing. Ladies please give me some advice, am I overreacting, am I right, should I call them since she won’t or should I just let her pay for them and say oh well???? so not looking forward to my wedding now and I should feel this way seeing as how I am getting married in a little over a month.
Post # 3
OMG you shouldn’t be dreading your wedding… see this is why we’re running away from everyone.
I would be the same as you… upset that people can just think that they can invite whoever they want. I think if your mum isn’t going to call them for you, you probably should. If you don’t want someone at your wedding then you shouldn’t have to just “put up with” any old person coming”.
if your going to call them just say that you only have limited seating numbers and that the extra people are unable to come. I mean you don’t want to outright call them rude over the phone for doing this because then they might not come and then you might just end up with another issue on your hands.
I really hope for the best. *hugs* You should be excited about your wedding! I think family sometimes forgets that it’s YOUR day
Post # 4
That is SO freaking crazy!! I cannot belive that they scratched out the # of seats reserved like that!! I mean seriously who does that!?!?! Furthermore, who is this mystery person that you don’t even know! It is beyond me why anyone would even want to come to a wedding if they do not know the bride and groom, especially if they were not invited in the first place! I would call them without a doubt!! I am sorry that you are going through this! It is completely uncalled for!! I am mad for you- maybe I should call! I can be the middleman! LOL!!!! =)
Post # 5
OMG. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of these “additional” guests. I would be so pissed and annoyed.
So looks like your mom will not be telling them, so it looks like you will have to. Tell them that because it is a small wedding that you had to unfortunately limit the number of guests you were inviting.
When I sent out my invites to an adult only wedding, I was so afraid people were so how going to put their kids names down, so I was prepared on what to say to people who insisted their kids come. Luckily, everyone on my list understood what adult only meant.
Oh, also, if they say anything about if you are willing to make an exception for them, tell them NO, you need to be firm because that means you may make an exception for everyone else. Tell them that you would feel bad for other people who you already told them no.
Good luck and I hope this gets figured out.
Post # 6
That is just so wrong. I would be extremely upset too. I don’t understand why your mom won’t call them for you, unless she is afraid of causing drama. If I were you, I would call them; however, that being said, I would also be afraid to call and just leave it be.
Post # 7
people do this shit all the time. honestly, 3 days before my wedding people called to ask me if they could bring a date. there comes a point when you just have to give up, suck it all in, and put up with this crap. since your wedding is close, maybe now is that time for you. Think about it this way – about 3 extra people may be coming now, are you really going to be running into these 3 extra people that much on your wedding day? You might see them once and say hello, but I doubt they will bother you much more than that. I wouldn’t start family drama by telling people they can’t bring them. It’s too late in the game and you have better things to deal with than get all stressed out. Just suck it up and pay the extra $200 for these 3 extra people, or whatever it costs.
It sucks, but it’s what I did in the end. And when it was all over it didn’t really matter that much.
Post # 8
i think you should call these people up and explained them that you have limited seating… and if they dont like it well best for you they can just stay home…
Post # 9
I’d honestly call and give them the what-for. It’s not your (or your mom’s) responsibility to pay for people not understanding that there is a reason that other people weren’t invited. Although you may have to just allow the uncle’s gf to show up so as to not create drama. If she looks out of place at your wedding, it won’t reflect badly on you, just on her and your uncle.
Post # 10
You DEFINITELY have the right to tell them that THEY don’t get to make the rules. Type out a script that you will use when you call these people. It will be easier to keep from getting emotional. Use that script, and STICK to it, like a telemarketer does. Call your mom’s best friend and explain to her that you have already done the seating and you do not have room for her two extra guests. Ask her if she would consider coming without the guests. She will give some long drawn out answer, to which you must get her to say “yes, I will still be there” or “no I will not be coming.” When you get down to it, that is what she SHOULD have done in the first place. Be firm. Explain that it is NOT about the cost of the extra guests, it is about space, and you do not have it. It’s hard to argue that point. If she insists, let her know that there will not be a seat reserved for her guests, there will be no food provided for them, and you will not change the seating to accomodate them. If they show up uninvited, they will be standing and hungry.
Repeat this process for her other best friend.
It sounds to me like your mom told them that would be ok. You may want to talk to your mom again and let her know that you will not be welcoming the extra guests, and you’re not going to budge on this issue. Tell her you won’t order the extra food from the caterer (make sure the caterer knows, don’t let your mom call them behind your back).
For your uncle, repeat the process, only give the real reason. Tell him you don’t like his girlfriend and you don’t want her at your wedding. If YOU don’t want to start that drama, it isn’t fair to ask your mom to do it. If you’re fine with that, then let him know.
For the record, this happened at my wedding, sort of. His uncle RSVPed ONLY for himself, then showed up with a girlfriend and her daughter (16!!). When you only have 30 guests, it’s kind of obvious when someone uninvited shows up. They ended up sitting at separate tables without chargers, a menu, a program, or favors (and obviously no placecard). No one had any idea who they were, and that damn 16 year old stood IN FRONT of the FOG for pics and ruined them. I’m still pissed. Better to talk to them now. They either show, or they don’t, but at least you’ll be ready for it so you aren’t so mad on your wedding day.
Post # 11
Sorry you are going through this, I cant imagine. Im waiting for my RSVPs to come in now and I really hope I dont have to go through that rude crap. If it does happen I will definetaly call my guests and let them know that my venue is at max capacity
Post # 12
Okay I have two comments…
First: No, it is not okay for people to scratch off the number you have written and just write in however many people they want. That is totally rude.
Second: Considering that these are adults… it MAY have been rude of you to only give them one seat. Who were the extras? I can’t see any reason for 3… but if the two women were married and wanted to bring their husbands I kind of think that they should have been given 2 seats. Regarding the girlfriend…. if they have been together for a while I think your uncle should’ve been given a plus 1 too. Unless the gf has actually harmed you in some way, of course.
Post # 13
I’m so sorrym it really sucks…and NO you are not over-reacting! We did the same on our rsvp postcard “we have reserved—seat(s) in your honor” yesterdy the FH gets a text from a friend asking if he should just write his name or add the girlfriend too?….I was like can he NOT read, it says 1 not 2…lol. We just started receiving rsvps and haven’t run into scratch outs, but I’m bracing myself. I agree with the others to call and calmly explain the space issue…..I understand +1s for married couples….and in your uncles case, theyre not married to you are no obligated to invite her….especially if you don’t like her….but you will have to be prepared for how it my affect your relationship with the uncle. Good luck!
Post # 14
I think that you should call these rude guests and tell them that only so many seats were reserved for them, and you’re sorry but they cannot bring along guests of their own. Maybe in the big picture a few more people aren’t a huge deal, but you reserved that many seats for them for a reason, it’s your wedding, and you shouldn’t have a reason to be down about your wedding!
Post # 15
CORGITALES: My uncle is not MARRIED to her and they do not live together, I have no reason to invite her.
MRS2THDR: thank you I DON’T have to invite her it said 1
FRUGALBRIDE: You totally get where I am coming from. Its our wedding and thats how many guests we wanted.
There is more ladies, especially concerning the uncle issue. My fiance is white and I am black and most of my uncles say the bare minimum hi(he is one of them) at family functions and they totally treat me different. My mom acts like she doesn’t see it and she has 8 brothers and I only wanted to invite like 4 of them, but I didn’t because they are family and you can’t do that. so he needs to be happy with his one seat and the other one who suggested it to him needed not too.
BABY PEBBLES: This is the reason people run away. I talked myself out of going to vegas and I regret it.
Thanks for all the advice ladies