Rude destination wedding invite. Who else thinks this is a gift grab…?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Expensive destination wedding. No invite for live-in gf. Are they just looking for gift $?
    YES! They couldn't have imagined he would RSVP 'yes' to this. : (54 votes)
    39 %
    NO! There may be a good reason for this that you are missing. : (63 votes)
    45 %
    Other. Please explain. : (23 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3223 posts
    Sugar bee

    @maggiedubois:  They are certainly rude to not invite a live in gf. But I don’t know if we can say one way or the other if it’s just because of gifts.  If they are otherwise lovely, considerate, kind people I’d say probably ignorance.  But if you have other reasons to think they are gift grabby then perhaps there are other issues.

    Sounds like your BF if handling it well by just declining their invitation.

    Gifts are not required, if you don’t feel sufficiently close to them to gift them, don’t.  Nothing wrong with that.  An invitation isn’t an invoice for a gift/money.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Nah I think they’re just rude. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1590 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I know this is slightly tacky, but I would suggest he say something like, “I don’t feel comfortable going to Mexico without Maggie.” This way it leaves it open for them to invite you or not. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3377 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @maggiedubois:  I find the whole mindset of spending MY vacation days and money on YOUR (the generic you)  vacation spot of choice to be ridiculous. The trend is ridiculous. Unless it is my duaghter, I would not ever go to Mexico for a wedding.

    Now, Paris–I might go there to someone’s wedding. Scotland? I am there, baby! The the bride chooses a “desination” that I love, hell ya, I might go. But Mexico? Not.

    My young friend was engaged to a Korean man and I was thinking about making the trek to Asia for that wedding–hardly a sacrifice for me since I love Asia!–but then she broke up with him.  🙁  But since she loves Paris, I wouldn’t be surprised if her next wedding is in Paris.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    809 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014 - Catal Restaurant

    If they knew you were a live in gf then I agree it was a bit rude to exclude you from the invites. As for the gift situation, those kind of registries are common here. I have been living with my fiancé for 3 years so we have no need for a traditional registry instead we have a honeymoon registry.  People are not expected to gift $1,000s just because what you want is more expensive. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    1164 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    I agree with @Bubbles42: .  He could just say something like, “I regret that I have to decline. It just wouldn’t be practical to take that big of a trip alone, and I wouldn’t want to. I wish you guys the best!”

    Post # 11
    Member
    4867 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I doubt it’s a gift grab, they’re probably just clueless. I’ve seen brides on here before who are like, “I’m having a destination wedding because I want it to be intimate and only with those closest to us, so why should I have to invite the SOs if I’m not close to them?” I think it’s obnoxious, and am always quick to point out how incredibly rude it is to ask someone to spend a bunch of money to take a vacation by themself just so that they can attend your wedding. Glad your SO isn’t going!

    Post # 12
    Member
    2516 posts
    Sugar bee

    @maggiedubois:  I think it’s incredibly rude to not give plus ones for destination weddings. If that happened to me or my SO, neither of us would attend (nor would we give our usual “sorry we can’t make it” gift).

    Post # 13
    Member
    2243 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I feel like you might be overreacting… There are a dozen reasons they may not have invited you. Cost, space, maybe even your attitude. If they want to have a destination, who are we to judge their motives but it seems really rude to jump to the conclusion that they’re gift grabbing.

    I dunno, this whole topic just rubbed me the wrong way…

    Post # 14
    Member
    2516 posts
    Sugar bee

    @Wonderstruck:  It IS so rude to ask someone to spend a ton of money and vacation days to take a solo vacation for a wedding! I completely agree with you.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3377 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2000

    @maggiedubois:  Some brides have the mindset “so and so will feel slighted/sad/disappointed if I don’t invite them.” Even though all parties know that the guests will not come, there is that mindset.

    I think it is wise to assume the best of people.

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors