Post # 1
SO has been invited to his friend’s wedding, but I haven’t. We live together and have been a couple for quite a few years, I’ve met SO’s friend and her partner on many occasions and have attended parties with them and sat on the same table at dinners. They’re not exactly my best friends and I only see them if I go somewhere with SO and they’re there… but still, they know me well enough and have known me for a couple of years, and when we run into each other we always have a friendly conversation.
What I find extremely rude is that they’ve invited SO but not me. I wouldn’t feel annoyed if they invited neither of us, but it seems extremely rude to invite SO but not me. I could understand if they had never met me, but they know me reasonably well. What makes it worse is that they’ve invited most of our mutual friends, including couples, who are shocked that I’m not invited.
I’m even more annoyed that SO insists on attending because they’re his friends. They’re having a small wedding and numbers are restricted… which is fair enough, but if they can’t invite both of us then they shouldn’t invite either of us! I’m extremely annoyed and have told SO that not only will these people not be invited to our wedding, they also won’t be welcome in our home at any future parties. SO thinks I’m overreacting, but I’m extremely annoyed.
Is it reasonable for me to be annoyed and ban them from my wedding?
Post # 3
@Lillianna: I can understand why you are annoyed, but different people come up with different rules for who to invite to their wedding. Their rule might be you have to be engaged or married if they are trying to watch their budget. It doesn’t make it any less annoying but I think you have to respect their decision. If your SO is going anyway, then take that night to have a girls night or a pampering night in.
Post # 4
Post # 5
Most bees have different opinions than I do on this situation, but I believe that if you are in a relationship, you are a social unit and must be invited as such (your SO and you.) So yes, it was rude of them to not invite you.
It’s really up to you and your SO whether he attends the wedding. Has he called the bride and groom and asked “Hey guys, Lilliana wasn’t on the invitation, was that an oversight or is she not invited?” It’s not rude for him to ASK, it would be rude for him to assume, and write your name in on the response card. If you really are not invited, , well, that stinks and I’m sorry they were rude.
However, it’s a little extreme to ‘ban’ them from your wedding. That is really up to you and your SO to decide together.
Post # 6
I’m inclined to invite only one of them to my wedding, and see how they like it.
Post # 7
It’s reasonable to be annoyed; it is not, however, reasonable to ban them from your wedding. Many couples make engaged/married couples the cut-off for who gets to bring their SO, and you have to respect that decision. It would be perfectly acceptable for your SO to decline the invite; it’s not acceptable to play tit-for-tat on your own guest list.
Post # 8
Agree with PP. Sometimes it sucks – especially if you have been in the relationship a long time. But some brides don’t have the budget to invite everyone they wish could come.
Post # 9
When you are engaged and fighting a bloated guest list, you’ll likely understand this a little more. If you were engaged or married, it would technically be “breaking the rules” to not invite you. But since you aren’t (and I know this sucks and is kind of ridiculous) a lot of people view it as ok. At least, the people who follow EMily Post’s rules. (I don’t, but that’s a whole other argument, right?! 🙂 )
Post # 10
@Lillianna: ehhh… this is a tough one. When you say SO, do you mean you’re married, or just dating and living together? Some brides might just say “only married couples” which I do think is a little strange, particularly if you’ve been dating a long time. But if they are having a very small wedding for whatever reason, I guess you will just have to deal. Imagine if your SO doesn’t go, and then you have to see the couple after the wedding. Uncomfortable.
Let him go to the wedding, and if you feel like it, you can sign the card too. I would, but I can be immature with stuff like this 🙂
Post # 11
@Lillianna: I would be upset because couples who live together should be considered a package deal. I would also be upset with your SO. If I were in his position, I would have declined. No matter how close I am to my friends, they have no business disrespecting my relationship with my SO.
Post # 12
It seems quite reasonable not to invite someone to my wedding if I wasn’t invited to theirs…
Post # 13
I totally understand why you are annoyed but I don’t think you can ban them from your wedding. I’m sure they wanted to include you but couldnt due to a restrictive guest list.
Post # 14
Since you live together, you should have been invited. However, it sounds like they are at capacity, in which case, had to cut the list down. I’m sure they would have invited you if they had the space. It’s also immature to invite one/ban them from your wedding. Be the bigger person 🙂
Post # 15
I agree with everyone above. I unfortunately had to implement the same rule for my wedding, solely due to costs, and not because I didn’t want to invite people 🙁 However, I do think you should be allowed to invite or not invite whoever you want, and to choose not to invite them to your future wedding. Honestly, I don’t fully expect to be invited to the future weddings of those people I may have offended with my rule, and I don’t care!
Post # 16
I wouldn’t think it was rude to not be invited but i would think it was rude of my partner to go without me.