- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2009
I want to write a letter. Here is the backround…
Since becoming pregnant, I have obviously received a lot of unsolicited advice. Much of this advice comes from the same few people over and over. They do not simply suggest ideas, but instead forcefully claim that everyone else (including doctors) is wrong and they are right. I have heard some of our ideas are “yuppy” or “unessessary” and that things we want to do will “last about a week, max!” And I really don’t want to hear the words “you should…” or “when i had MY baby….” If they truly are concerned, I want them to talk to my mom or my nurse who can then filter the information as needed.
A particular family member is the worst offender. In fact, my SIL had her baby yesterday, and this family member was all up in her shit. She even told her she shouldn’t bother breastfeeding because she won’t be able to do it and formula is easier. It got to the point where a nurse had to step and and ask her to “only say positive things from now on, and let the the new parents have their own experience.” Of course this caused her to get pissed off, very vocal, and storm out. I do NOT want my baby seeing this type of (very common for her) outburst. My poor SIL was in tears.
I also have people who will tell me over and over how wrong the nurses are, and how I should not listen to them. But for me personally, I want to trust my nurses 100%, and do all they suggest.
I have some friends and family members who are likely to spend the entire visiting hours window with me. That is too much. I have friends who will want to come up, but will wait for an invitation instead of ask, then be offended that we didn’t think of inviting them. Meanwhile, we will be so busy up until the point where we say “wait a sec, why isn’t so-and-so here with us??” We want them to come up only when we give the go-ahead, but to not hesitate to ask us in case we are too busy to personally invite everyone on the “list.”
There are also certain things I do not want people there for. One of them is breast feeding. I want only my husband and nurses in the room. Unfortunately, I have friends and family members who will truly believe they are the obvious exception to this rule. They will help to kick everyone out, then sit down right next to me. I want people to know that I truly love and cherish them, but there are no exceptions!
I also don’t want anyone announcing anything on facebook until we do. I can’t and won’t try to stop people from congratulating us when they fine out, but please don’t annouce the time, weight, length, or hospital room number!!
I want to share this experience with my friends and family, and I know their intentions are good overall. But I want this experience to be peaceful and pleasant. I want to make my own mistakes.
I am thinking of writing a very nicely toned letter to family and friends with these wishes, but I am afraid of offending people.
What do you think?