Post # 1
I guess it’s just that weddings bring out sometimes rudeness or rude people, but lately we’ve had quite a few instances where I’m like “what are they thinking?”:
1) FI’s estranged aunt asking him via Facebook message if she and her husband can come to our ceremony even if they’re not invited to the reception (we haven’t sent invites out yet but they didn’t get a STD…..because they’re not invited)
2) Friend assuming she’s getting a plus one. She let us know she has a boyfriend and said that she’s bringing him to the wedding to a whole table of other friends (one of which is single and won’t be getting a plus one – no single friends are). We didn’t know how to handle it at the time, but if she’s still with her boyfriend we would gladly extend an invite to him (by name) but so rude to just assume. She (in a joking matter) told FI when he told her how does she know she can bring him to the wedding said “well I get a plus one!!” and I just wanted to say “says who???!!!” but didn’t)
3) a friend who is also getting married next year asks me via text how much we are paying for our photographer because she wants to book him also. Um, I don’t feel comfortable sharing that. After I answered in a vague manner she said she wanted to get a range because she was meeting with him and so then I just quoted his prices in his brochure (he’s giving us a discount through FI’s mom)
These aren’t gigantic drama things but after a few of them happen it’s like I just want to yell at the next person “why are you being so rude??!!”
Post # 3
@MsYankee: I don’t understand people assuming they are invited. Even if I feel like I will be invited to something I don’t say anything until the invitation is extended. I just had someone do it to me for our wedding and it was sooo uncomfortable!
Post # 4
the first two are annoying, but i didn’t realize the third one was rude. When a friend of mine was getting married shortly after me, I told her how much things cost.
Post # 5
@MsYankee: It may just be me, but in don’t consider the third instance rude at all. My friend is getting married the month after me and we have gone back and forth over the prices of most everythung. It really helpful especially when you have no idea how much things cost or are wondering if you’re getting ripped off.
Post # 6
@MrsTVLover: +1. If a friend of mine was booking the same vendor, I’d have no problem saying the cost.
Post # 7
@MsYankee: I guess we will just have to make sure we teach the next generation proper manners, as it seems many people were away that day.
Post # 8
@MsYankee: What is it about weddings that makes people crazy? I’ve seriously had the weirdest encounters with normally sane people ever since I got engaged.
But I’m with others on that third one. I get that you can’t reveal the cost because you’re getting a discount, but I don’t think it’s “rude” for her to ask that question if she doesn’t know. My cousin and I are both planning weddings now and we’ve shared ALLLLL our information. You might just be sensitive to it because you’re being bombared with rudeness overall. It makes us defensive and pretty soon everything looks rude.
Post # 9
Well I should say that the friend asking me the cost of the photog is not particularly close, and I just don’t feel comfortable sharing how much we’re spending because it’s kind of high and this friend is my BFF’s soon to be sister-in-law. I didn’t feel comfortable in letting the cost get back to BFF as she can get judgy about certain things like that. So maybe it’s not rude, per se, but I think it’s kind of awkward when someone flat out asks how much we’re paying, instead of maybe just asking me how much these things in general cost or to give a range or estimate of how much xxx is. If that makes sense….
Or I’m just sensitive because of the other issues haha
Post # 10
@MsYankee: On #3, you might be a wee bit sensitive and you handled it the right way. I find vendors are not transparent on their pricing AT ALL.
If a friend can give me an idea of what they are paying, that would be super helpful. Whatever said friend wants to share about negotiations is up to them, but I hate scheduling the time to interview a photog who happens to be $5-7k when my budget is more like $2-4k.
So, some things are rude but some things, less so. Just tell them you’re feeling uncomfortable and change the subject.
Post # 11
@MsYankee: I had my Fi’s half sister randomly send me a message on facebook, she was from FFIL’s first marriage and it is something no one really talks about. It’s really weird when people come out of the wood work for a wedding. #3 isn’t rude but I can see how with the other two being rude it kind of all snowballed. The photographer’s price isn’t really confidential information so she could easily contact him and get the price. She was probably also asking to get feedback on him.
Post # 12
1) I wouldn’t even respond to that question (though honestly, if the ceremony isn’t at the same place as the reception, I’ve seen people do that before)
2) I’d just say “Well hey no, you don’t get a pluss one. You know what happens when you assume?”
3) NICE JOB! I extend to you an internet high five on that bit of cleverness there.
And for the record, I don’t tell people how much my photog cost – he is a friend and we worked out a good deal with him. His prices are amazing anyway, so when someone wants to check him out they can find something in their range I am sure.
I don’t tell people what my ANYTHING cost for the wedding – we’re paying for it all and I’d rather not have people knowing anything about our finances.
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
FI had a lot of people ask if they could come to “any part of the wedding” – he just ignored them and didn’t really know what to say. It is a bit rude to fish for an invite.
The plus one issue is always a tough one for me, having been to weddings where I was invited and my BF was not in the past…it was not much fun at times. At a friends wedding a few years ago I had single guys including the bride’s brother making passes at me all night and I just had to keep trying to tell them “I have a BF!, He just wasn’t invited.” Plus sitting out all the slow dances kind of made me sad. Then again I was with my BF then for over a year…it was not just a causual “I’ve known him a week” type of thing. I do understand from your POV that you cannot invite everyone and sometimes there has to be a cut off for plus ones. I think it’s better to just be honest and tell the person “Sorry, but due to budget/space/etc our non-married single friends are not getting a plus one”. Not everyone thinks about these things, esspecially single unmarried people! I know I never did before planning my own wedding!
Last one, price sharing is your call. I don’t find it rude to ask but I can understand being uncomfortable sharing. I think your response was fine.
Post # 14
@MsYankee: first two are rude
the third, i don’t think thats rude. I would gladly share how much I paid because we got great deals and I would want everyone who is planning a wedding, to get a deal because where I live, its so expensive to plan a wedding!
Post # 15
Oh my gosh the second one drives me up. the. wall. FI and I were hosting his college roommates at our place so we could all go to a football game, and the wedding came up. They all started talking about pooling their plus ones and just inviting a bunch of other GUYS from college (not in a dating way, in a “let’s make this one big college reunion with all the dudes and get smashed at the open bar” kind of way). They are not all getting +1s, only the one (FIs best friend) who is a groomsmen, has been dating his GF for a while, who is also a friend of ours. FI and I just sat their awkwardly and said, well, we don’t know if we are doing +1s yet, sorry. So freaking uncomfortable.
Post # 16
@Daizy914: +1 I share my info all the time