Post # 1
So today while at my FI’s parents house, we were talking to them a little bit about the wedding and his dad just came out and asked what our budget was. I found it a little odd, since we asked for no help from them, but we told them what it is. Then his dad asked what my parents were contributing. I found this to be incredibly rude and luckily my FI spoke up and said we don’t expect any money from anyone. And not only that, but we aren’t asking for money from anyone. My parents aren’t as well off as FI’s parents, especially since my mom just got laid off from her job. And even if they were, who comes out and asks if your parents are contributing to your wedding out of the blue?!?! Then his dad had the nerve to basically say my parents should contribute monetarily just because they are my parents and it’s their job. Ugh! Does anyone else find this to be rude or am I overacting? My FI was pissed off and we left soon after this, but I wanted other bees’ opinions.
Post # 3
Does he have married daughters and did he pay for their weddings while the husband’s parents didn’t? If so then I could at least understand it. Still wrong to say, but at least understandable. Otherwise, he’s being an ass. Either way he should butt out, and good on your FI for shutting him down.
Post # 4
It’s rude, however, I can see where he’s coming from.
It’s wildly thought, especially by the older generations, that the brides parents should contribute to their daughters wedding.
It’s obviously not feesible for everyone & he didn’t need to be so rude about it.
Post # 5
That is rude! It is none of his business. Not every brides parents are financially able to do this. If he cares so much why doesn’t he open his wallet and put his money where his mouth is? I am glad you fiance said something.
Post # 6
Rude. I would use this as a lesson in dealing with FFIL. I’ve run into this kind of person. You should just get used to cutting him off at the knees. What’s your budget? Why do you need to know?
It won’t stop at the wedding, it’s going to be a lifelong thing. Seriously consider your standard answer as…. WHY? Why do you want to know .. and when he says its just a question… answer: Well that’s not a good enought reason for you to know, then excuse yoru self and go have a good laught in the bathroom.
Post # 7
He went about it in a pretty ham-fisted way, but there are quite a few people, especially “well off” people, who always think in terms of price tags. I wouldn’t take it too personally… but big kudos to your fiance for stepping in.
Post # 8
FI is his oldest child and his sister is still under 16, so nope he doesn’t have any experience in paying for any weddings. The thing is, he asked was it traditional for the bride’s parents to pay for something in my family, and I said it wasn’t. I thought he’d get the point, but obviously he didn’t. And now he’s trying to coerce my FI into inviting family members he’s never even met, claiming they won’t come and it’s “just postage and a card”. But that stuff adds up. I don’t even want any money from them though, because as soon as they give us money, his dad will feel he has a say in how our wedding is. And my FI and I have agreed that will not happen.
Post # 9
Some people are just very traditional like that. It’s still rude though. I wouldn’t have told him what your parents were paying. I wouldn’t mind saying what I’m paying but it’s none of his business what your parents are paying.
Post # 10
Maybe he was just trying to get an understanding of how much he should contribute? He could have been feeling bad, and just wanted to make sure it was equal on all fronts?
Post # 11
Definitely rude, glad your FI stepped in and said something! Now you guys know to not answer these questions from him. My MIL is the same way…the price and interest rate on our house, how much our tax refund was for, exact dollar amounts of how much guests gave at our wedding, etc. And yeah, stuff about my family too. Clearly it’s none of his business – usually saying that just starts an argument, so instead we jsut say we don’t remember the exact number. If she presses for an estimate or acts appalled we don’t remember, we shrug and ignore ir, then change the subject. Took awhile, but she eventually stopped asking about our finances.
Post # 12
@Tarheelgurl: Oh my goodness, we had this exact conversation! Except it was FMIL. I was pretty annoyed, but probably didn’t show it though. I never tend to show that I’m offended enough when they say rude things… I probably should though, so they can see it’s not ok. I think it’s very rude.
We were hoping (not expecting) FILs to contribute because they’re well off, and it would be very helpful. Apparently, they think my parents should be paying for *all* of it. I pointed out that my parents have 4 girls and can hardly afford to pay for 4 weddings, but that doesn’t matter because “it’s tradition”. Lucky for FILs then, they had all boys! So in conclusion, FI and I will be paying for all of it.
Post # 13
He had no right asking questions like that.
Post # 14
How was your FMIL during this conversation? My fh and i both know that his father is just plain socially irresponsible when it comes to speaking with people. For instance, we all had to fly out to vegas once for a family thing, and at the airport waiting for the plane he says to me ‘oh xyz i didnt know you were coming!’ (i came to the airport in HIS car) and proceeded to ask me where i was staying, and did i get my own room… No because as has been worked out i was to be staying with my fiance is a room his dad booked.it became so out of control because he was made aware of all this my my fhs mother (who is divorced from his dad) ended up getting us our own room, and his dad had an extra. Basically either his mom or stepmom has to step in and set him straight. You guys def just need to learn how to navigate his input
Post # 15
At first I didn’t think it was rude because maybe they were going to offer to pay the difference of your budget and what your parents are paying. But he was out of line saying they should pay.
Post # 16
Ummm that is super rude! You are not overreacting…