Post # 1
Just a bit of a rant to get some disappointment off my chest…
I got engaged on December 30th to the love of my life. It happened very late at night so I shared the news with friends in the morning. Most people were very excited and offered their congratulations and the like. But you know how it goes, there always has to be at least one of “those” people. I texted one of my good friends who I’ve known since grade school first thing in the morning and her first response was “I hate you” followed by a “wait, are you kidding?”. She asked me about how he asked, which was a very casual proposal at home (what we both wanted), to which she replied “that’s lame.” She eventually offered her congratulations but then followed with a statement that she was going to go post a rant on Facebook. A couple minutes later I see myself tagged in a “Things I hate seeing on Facebook” post about how much she hates seeing announcements about people getting engaged or married. I think she was trying to be funny, but it wasn’t funny at all. My FI was angry that she was so rude to me and I just tried to brush it off, but it definitely upset me how mean she was.
Another friend of mine who I used to be extremely close with in high school and college but have grown apart from after college when he moved away wasn’t as rude, but I could still tell he had a major eye-roll going on when I told him. He ignored my text for 8-hours and then finally replied with “Oh? How’d that come about?” Huh?? I didn’t even understand the question. I told him it was something FI and I had been discussing for a couple months and wanted to do when he was home on leave (he’s USMC) so we’d be with family. He tried to feign excitement with “Well I guess congratulations are in order.”
I’m 25, have a stable career with a respectable salary, own my own home, and have a good head on my shoulders. I don’t think I deserved the response I received from some people. Have other people received less than polite responses to their engagement?
Post # 3
I feel for you. I went through the same thing. Not even a week after FI and I got engaged HIS MOM, went on and on about how excited she was that he was finally moving out — Not the fact he was marrying someone who loved him deeply.
It really boils down to the fact that people are dumb and there isn’t much any of us can do about that. I would just cut these people out of your life and go about being excited and happy!
Post # 4
I got a few less than desirable comments about my engagement…..
If I were you I would buckle up for the ride because the comments will continue all the way through the wedding…..
I could not believe some of the crap said to me from the minute I got engaged to the minute I drove away from the wedding venue……
In the end, the comment is a reflection of them…. (I know this doesn’t necessary help but it might put things into perspective)……….
Post # 5
Wow. Gotta love miserable people..
Do you have to invite these two to the wedding?
ETA: I had a second cousin not congratulate me at all. Ever. Been engaged over a year now. Her sister called me 2 1/2 months after hearing the news to say congrats.
Post # 6
@ap_event: Haters to the left. There’s always going to be jealous people that get nasty when other people are happy.
Congratulations on your engagement! 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
People get jealous and they can act shallow and rude when they’re jealous. Something I learned about getting engaged/married is that your true friends are the ones who are truly happy for you and will stick by you throughout your engagement and after the wedding excitement is over. It’s a bit of a learning curve, and it can be hard at times, but it’s one of those facts of life. Congratulations on your engagement. Here’s to looking ahead!
Post # 8
@sherryberry: well said….
My wedding really showed me who my true friends are……
It’s sad that it took my wedding for people’s true sides/feelings to come out……
Post # 9
- Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat
@californiabride2013: It is, yes, I’m so happy to be married to my husband, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say that for the first few months, I really missed my “old life.” Once I got married, a lot of my friends changed.
Post # 10
Oh that’s terrible. I do hope you don’t have to invite those bitter pills to the wedding.
Generally I got a good reaction when I told people about my engagment. However, my twin sister said “Oh really, wow so I guess you love him?” Then went on to blab about her BF and her will probably never legally get married. Whatever sis….
Post # 11
@ap_event: Just think of all the money you’re going to save not inviting these jerks to your wedding!
Also, people who post about how much they hate seeing other people’s happy news on facebook can suck it. Who hates seeing their friends pass exciting milestones? I understand that you can feel engagement-announcement-overload, but keep it to yourself unless you want to seem like a miserable person.
Post # 12
@ap_event: First of all, congratulations on your engagement! 🙂
And secondly, I can tell you why I think your friend behaved the way she did… b/c back when I was 21-22 and immature, I kind of pulled the same thing. Not too proud of it so don’t flame! I think your friend reacted the way she did b/c she’s insecure in what she wants in life (whether to stay uncommitted and free or settle down with someone) and maybe she feels that there is no one that will deem her worthy enough to marry. Such insecurity hence, comes out in her responses to your engagement. When I was 22, a very good friend of mine got engaged. Whereas everyone else congratulated her, I was like, “Well, I guess it’s good… If that’s what you want.” Ouch. Looking back, I said that b/c I was jealous and worried that I was not “good enough” to marry. I was also in a very dead-end relationship that took a toll on my self-esteem. I was a very bitter person to be around. Thankfully that friend was forgiving and when she got married again, I was more than happy for her.
I would just watch your friend going forward. See how she reacts to things, and watch for the insecurity mentioned above. She could be hurting. However, if you think she’s just being a b-word, then that’s a whole other issue and would justify not having her in your life anymore.
Post # 13
Congratulations on your engagement.
Just remember – these are text messages not actual face-to-face conversations. I feel that you are projecting on people a bit – some people write differently than they speak.
I will agree however that the first friend (hopefully ex-friend) was very rude in immediatley posting her opinion to Facebook, and telling you about it. How strange!
Post # 14
Some of it is the seeming inability to have a filter and not to share every thought on facebook or online. Not everyone is guilty of this, but I believe it is becoming more common, as it’s much easier to share TMI behind a keyboard than face to face. It used to be that some thoughts remained unshared (like the “how lame” comment – the other two I think could have been joking – but with the limitations of electronic communication, didn’t come across as such. And Facebook is, well, Facebook; it causes much unnecessary drama for many people.)
I also think that text messages are easy to misunderstand, most don’t write paragraphs, or even full sentences when texting. Much can be lost in translation.
It is true that everyone may not gush over your news, and that tone may well come through if for some reason the responder is … tired, cranky, having a bad day but feels compelled to say something, or, even sometimes (but not as often as alluded to here) jealous.
Hopefully you’re able to focus more on all the positive messages than getting too upset over a couple that are upsetting. Let them go and know that perhaps you have also, at some point, unwittingly offended someone with one of your texts or fb posts.
Post # 15
@ap_event: Wow that girl was so rude!We got a similar response from a family member of ours, very non- excited and I don’t believe he even congratulated us, but he was once married and he accidentally charged the wrong card at a gay bar and she saw on their shared account a charge for a known gay bar, so… now he’s dovorced.
Post # 16
@ap_event: oh my gosh .. I didn’t receive any rude comments about my engagement. I am sorry people are so direspectful and immature. All that matters is that you are both happy. Congrats!