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Ruined enagagement

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    Hi, my boyfriend has been telling me he's going to propose for eight weeks now. I have been happy to wait as he wants to choose the right ring and proposal. However, I feel like the fact he keeps talking about it and then it doesn't happen is making me feels continually disappointed. I already have my dress sorted, which he knows about but he never seems to get the time to go ring shopping. Am I wrong to feel a little bit upset with him? The other thing is, he's also been telling all our friends and family he's going to propose too, so they are getting just as fed up with it as me. They are also planning my engagement/wedding without me, which is taking the excitement out of it for me. I just feel like the longer I wait the more miserable I become. I don't even mind too much about the wedding day, I just want to be married to him. I just feel a bit like it's all ruining the surprise. Anyone had a similar experience? What should I do?

     
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    Miss Chapstick    September 2009  

    Can you ask for a hint from him when he plans on doing it? I asked my husband this when we decided to get married, and he gave me a timeframe. That helped a lot!

    Just explain that the suspense is killing you, and that it doesn't help all your family members know. I was in a similiar situation (EVERYONE knew but me), but because I had the timeframe, I was enjoying every minute of the anticipation.

    I wouldn't let it ruin this time for you guys. It will come when it comes, probably when you least expect it :)

     
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    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    Since he is talking about it, I would ask him for a timeline.  After that, I would try to keep quiet about it.  When my husband was going to propose, I found that I had to stop asking him because whenever I did, he would deflect it and make a joke.

    One thing I don't understand is why are your family members planning your wedding without you?  That doesn't make a lot of sense to me, especially since you aren't engaged yet.

    You should check out Mr. Bee's recent 3 step plan to get engaged: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/mr-bees-three-step-plan-and-backup-plan-for-getting-engaged

    It really is the truth (take it from someone who knows)!  Good luck!

     
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    sweetnote10    May 5, 2012   evansville, indiana

    I was going to say just like MissAsB that you should also check out Mr Bee's post on 3 step plan! I am curious as to why they are planning your wedding with you also! The number one mistake he made is telling you and everyone else about this soon to come proposal. I know everyday you are thinking is today it and when it doesnt happen its a definite let down. Try to be patient but I would also agree that maybe you should discuss a possible timeline with him. good luck!

     
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    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    Tell everyone to stop! Tell BF he can't talk about the engagement anymore as you are super frustrated.

    Tell family to stop planning your wedding since you aren't engaged. Don't talk to anyone about anythign wedding related. Go away for the weekend with a GF.

     
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    Miss Bella    October 15, 2011   Blue Bell, PA

    Don't worry I am sure it will happen soon!  I kept bugging my fiance for years about it and he finally broke down and gave me a timeline.  To my surprise he ended up proposing before the timeline!  As long and you have talked about it I am sure its coming!  Try to relax, this should be a fun time not a stressful time!  There is no reason your family should be planning your wedding!  Its your day!

     
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    MadiLove918    May 2011   Palm Bay, FL

    I've never been in your particular situation but I've been stuck in waiting limbos before.  They can definitely be emotionally draining!  What always helped me was finding ways to occupy my mind.  If people continue to keep his impending proposal fresh in their mind, he won't ever find the perfect time to make it a surprise (which is what he is planning, right?).  This is a big step for both you AND him.  Might I also suggest telling everyone to ease up on planning YOUR big day and wait for the bride to join in?!  Wink  Other people planning my wedding would definitely make waiting difficult.  That's not fair to you, in my opinion. 

    Lastly, is this something you can discuss with SO?  I'd sit down with him and express your every thought and maybe his feedback will be enough to settle your nerves?  It's very possible that he already has a ring, is waiting for it to come in, or has a date set to buy it, etc.  If he's dead set on proposing, I'm more than positive he has a plan of his own brewing.  I'd say that as long as your SO has a clean record of being true to his word, take a break from the overwhelming anticipation and let him come around. 

     
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    locket    September 25, 2010  

    I kinda went through a similar situation where he had the ring I knew and he kept telling everyone about it, but didn't want them to know I knew.....I went crazy for 2 months with all the inquiring calls of updates on my life...I began to go crazy and grew quite resentful of the situation.  Eventually I decided it wasn't worth the stress and just put the focus on the relationship and bam proposal finally came when I wasn't even thinking about it....I am sorry that you are going through this tough wait and I hope that your FI understands why you feel the way you do...I hope your wait won't be too much longer.

     
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    heart_and_teeth    October 10, 2010   San Diego, CA

    Meg,

    Yea I totally understand what you mean. My fiance now, at the time two weeks ago, kept talking about it for months, and I had no clue when it would happen. It was almost more torturous having him talk about it than not say anything at all. He even told me he told his co-workers about how he will propose and all that good stuff. Hang in there! I think if he's talking about it, he's just making sure you are aware it will happen...just ask for a time frame. Knowing that won't make it so hard to wait.

     

     
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    bridetacular    September 25, 2010  

    I was there!

    My FI had us WORKING ON A GUEST LIST. I'm not even kidding.

    Before he proposed, we had that, a possible venue... ugh. I'd get to the point where I'd say "I'm not doing any more until you actually propose!" and then two days later, we'd talk about it, get excited about it again, and start planning. Again.

    It sucked. Totally. Sucked. I felt drained, I felt I was being lead on some sort of twisted wild goose chase. I even started trying to predict when he'd do it (one night he promised a romantic dinner/evening. Turned out it was a surprise bowling party in celebration of my college grad. Imagine the look on my face.)

    Point is, he finally did it when he was ready. We were on the golf course with my parents, and I was teasing him about what exactly he had to do before he would propose. Little did I know, he actually asked my step father for my hand that day on the course, and two weeks later, he proposed on a hill at sunset over looking the city. It was beautiful.

    And I wouldn't have it any other way.

    And he still teases me that planning has gone so well because we were so prepared. I usually punch him in the arm when he says that, though. :D

     

    It'll happen in time, dear.

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    Hi, I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who gave me advice in this post. It is so comforting to know I'm not the only one who has been nearly proposed to in a not-so-romantic-stress-inducing way. I would like to update those who are interested and tell you that, no, we're not yet engaged but... he has taken me ring shopping to choose THE ring and I have. So I'm hoping any day now, although I am quite prepared for more waiting. I will ask him what sort of timeframe he has in mind to stop myself going loopy with anticipation. As for my family I am just happily ignoring them but realise it's because they care.Thank you again for all your help and advice. Meg

     
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    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    ooo ring shopping "EXCITING"! fingers crossed for any day now...least its on the cards!

     
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    yrret107    November 28, 2009   Seattle, WA; Married in West Chester, PA

    I was about to say that maybe he feels overwhelmed that you have your dress already but then I saw that he's telling his friends and family. 

    In this case, I would ask him for a timeline.

     

    Well I'm thinking about it a little more.  Maybe he's telling everyone that he planning on proposing.  So he is getting everyone excited about it.  The people that he is telling may in turn be freaking him out about wedding costs, just by talking about the wedding. (Which can be overwhelming.. i know.) Maybe he's thinking about the cost of the wedding and then the cost of the ring.

    I don't know... just an idea. 

    Anyway, I just went into my what ifs...haha. I do that A LOT. Sorry.

    Yeah, ask him for a timeline.

     

     
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    CitySwoon    November 14, 2010   Hudson Valley, NY

    I went through a similar situation. My Fiance dangled a ring in front of my face for 6 months. I was absolutely fed up with waiting, and I voiced my opinion and was engaged within two weeks. Granted, he proposed to me while I was peeing, but it was still what I've always wanted, a ring.

    It sounds to me like he wants to marry you, but might be having some money or commitment issues, that's why he's taking so long to take action. Or, maybe he's already gone ring shopping and is just waiting for the right day to propose. Are there any days coming up that are special to the two of you?

     
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    amanda44    August 13, 2011   kalispell

    @meg444...

    I'm in the same situation as you are!! It sucks sooo much! I have been with my bf for over 6 years now and we bought a band last april minus the diamond. That day we bought the band he promised me he would propose by march 2010 and guess what its almost feb 2010 and its still hasn't happened. I feel mad, sad, and just pissed off at him some days. He has been telling me for almost 7 months its coming really soon... well he first told me that 7 months ago and it still hasn't happened WTF?????? I understand why your mad!!! I told him if its not going to happen anytime soon then don't keep saying that its going to happen soon, because all that does to a girl is get her really excited then nothing happens then it creates a fight!! Trust me i know what you mean. Then he told me the other night it will happen by march so then i'm kinda pissed becasue he just told me its going to happen in like 5 weeks, that kinda ruins the surprise...... Either way it will be a surprise, its going to be the best day of your life!!:) I know he says it will happen by march but to tell you the truth i don't believe it!! Good luck

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    Hi, it's me again. He still hasn't asked me. Granted, I have been poorly with a chest infection but there is no mention of whether he actually bought the ring I wanted and gave him the details for. Yes I had to resort to looking at it and choosing it by myself in the end... Still, it felt like the only way. The worse part was the jeweller asking me if I was buying it myself, after I told him it was to be my engagement ring. He keeps saying "Let's get this or that out of the way" first but surely that could go on forever! There's never going to be a perfect time when nothing is going on. Thank you for all your advice so far. It's so hard to stay patient though, especially when people keep asking me if he's asked yet and grabbing my hand to see if there's ring (why, oh why, do people do this?? Surely you'd tell them, hell, I'd be shouting from the rooftops if it FINALLY happened. They wouldn't have to check my hand as if I'd forgotten to mention it). Just a little rant from me...

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    To Cityswoon, glad you got your ring, your engagement story is hilarious! At least you'll always remember it! Thanks for your experience. As above, he still hasn't asked. Our 2 year anniversary is coming up (March 14th) but if he waits til then, that will feel like ages...

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    Hi, okay, NOW I'm panicking. My boyfriend has bought the ring (my Best Friend sneakily went to the jewellers and mine is sold/I also accidently-on-purpose saw my BoyF's to-do list and it said"ring" with a little tick next to it!) So, all exciting right?

    Well, he's asked me out for dinner THIS WEEKEND... WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!? Okay, well I realise you probably all think I'm mad but what with our mutually busy schedules we probably go out for dinner about 6 times a year. He is particularly busy and now he's making time to take me out for dinner and he was all nervy about - v.unusual for him. Now my mind is racing and I'm trying so hard not to get excited in case I'm disappointed. I don't think I could take it but I can't help getting excited, I hate all the suspense... What should I do??!?

     
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    MightySapphire      

    Try really really hard not to get your hopes up!  The first reason is because if he chickens out, you'll feel completely deflated and angry, and it isn't his fault if you expected it and didn't get it.  The second reason is because all your excitement could make him MORE nervous and he may screw up his plan and not be ABLE to propose.  The third reason is because you really do want it to be a surprise, and you'll be more excited if you don't see it coming!

     
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    clarebee    August 21, 2010   Vienna, VA (wedding in Greensboro, GA)

    I honestly would just tell your family/friends to step back until he actually proposes. And other than that I would really just be patient. The more you press him, the harder/more nerve wracking it will be for him!

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

    Hi, HE DID IT!!! HE ASKED ME AND NOW WE'RE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!! I'M SO EXCITED Laughing AND IT WAS A SURPRISE BECAUSE IT WASN'T AT ALL WHEN I EXPECTED IT!!!

     
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    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO congratulations, I want to hear the story!!

    SO EXCITING!!

     
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    Meg4444    April 24, 2010  

     It was a lovely proposal and a total surprise. Here goes:  J had asked me to lunch on Saturday, (after which we were s'posed to go mattress shopping before the sales ended) and dinner on Sunday. So Saturday morning he text me and said he'd pick me up at 1pm, so, knowing he's normally turns up late, I didn't start getting ready til 12:55. Hence my surprise when Ma shouted up the stairs that he was here (he'd arrived early to ask her permission to marry me). We then left for lunch and on the way J said he'd better ring his sister, to check whether she wanted to meet up with us but after ringing a couple of times said there was no answer. We then drove past the turning for the village of Brightling (type "Mad Jack Fuller" into Google) where we had been on a walk/research trip before we were going out. It's the place where a man named Mad Jack Fuller had built follies around the english countryside in random places. J just said to me "let's go through Mad Jack Fuller country, shall we?, so I agreed. We stopped by what is called "The Tower" (I shall try to attach photos), which we had both previously agreed was our favourite Folly. Inside this Tower is a metal staircase leading up to a half platform, which then has a ladder going up to a round window from which you can see the view. Anyway, as we walked through the muddy field and into to copse of trees, amongst which The Tower is nestled, J said to me "You go first", so I grumbled at him because I hate heights but as I got to the door, there were daisies (my favourite flower) interwined in the wrought-iron door. Then all the way up the stairs there were two or three roses on each step, going from creamy yellow, to orange, to red, to deep red right to the top. Then on the platform there was a picnic blanket and a basket with two flasks in, surrounded by hundreds of daisies. In the ladder leading up to the window there were also daisies and J told me I had to climb the ladder, I told him I couldn't, I'd be terrified, but he insisted. So I climbed up, my legs shaking, and at the top of the ladder on the windowsill was my engagement ring with another daisy. He asked me to bring it down and then he asked me to sit in the window, he'd put a blanket there as well, and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him!! Then when I'd said yes, we had hot chocolate and tea and he played my favourite song and we danced in the Tower surrounded by flowers. It looked SO beautiful... So the reason he had called his sister is because she had been sitting there guarding the ring and he had to warn her that we were coming!  So that's the engagement story. We are hoping to set a date soon.

     
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    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    aww sooo cute!!! what a great story!!

     
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    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    Oh by the way, did you see the post i posted earlier?

    http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/congratulations-to-meg4444-shes-engaged

     

     

     

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