Rules of Ladies

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a big believer in Men making the first move (well we can give em our number) THEY need to actually make the effort / take the initiative to call it

Men are Hunters… they need to show us that they are interested in pursuing us

(FACT – It is how men are hard wired… when a guy is interested / likes a woman, they will hunt us down)

So… as Greg Behrendt says in “He’s Just Not That Into You”

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do.”


“Here’s something else to think about: calling when you say you’re going to is the very first brick in the house you are building of love and trust. If he can’t lay this one stupid brick down, you ain’t never gonna have a house baby, and it’s cold outside.”  

I learned the hard way…

I don’t WAIT by the phone…

I don’t WAIT anywhere without having a reason to do so… and I have a TIME LIMIT that I am willing to wait.

My putting MY LIFE ON HOLD for someone else is pretty presumptuous… I don’t do it.

It is being disrepectful of me as a person

Even now married to Mr TTR this is true… IF he is going to be late, delayed… I expect him to call me and tell me what is up / going on

If I don’t hear from him, he better be close to death… cause otherwise it don’t fly with me.

You respect me… you respect my time too.


Post # 5
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

well, you would not actually always be there waiting for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you, right?

I think if he’d take “satisfaction” in a show of my love for him, I’d be choosing the wrong guy.

At the point that you’d consider saying yes to a proposal, implicit trust that he won’t play games with you, or take advantage of your emotions toward him, should be very high. If he can’t be trusted not to do that… eh… he doesn’t sound too special. Don’t waste affection on him.

Post # 6
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@This Time Round:  The problem is, there are so many guys who are really afraid to make the first move and delay it for ages.  They might be hunters but sometimes they are content to watch their prey for months or more. I am willing to make the first move, but he better make the second, third, fourth and fifth.

Post # 7
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

To @nycsa:  I agree, and I disagree, lol

Sure there are “Shy” guys.

BUT any guy worth his salt is going to step up.

Men KNOW this.  We somehow assume they don’t.

Trust me they do.  Men are competitive… it is part of their nature.  They KNOW that if they don’t make a move, then some other guy will.

I am all in favour of women making sure a guy understands we are interested… but if the guy then can’t figure it out for himself and make the next move… then he isn’t worth my time… I am not about to spend the rest of my life chasing him down and being disappointed that he doesn’t reciprocate.  That is crazy.

A man who wants something WILL make the move.

Be it calling a woman for a Date… or asking her to marry him.

A man who isn’t making the moves isn’t all that interested… and if he isn’t all that interested, then he isn’t going to be the best guy for me in the long run.

A man who wants me in his life is going to be VERY INTERESTED (in me) and VERY MOTIVATED so as not to lose me.

That is what is really important

I want a man who knows what he wants.  And that it is me

You don’t want a guy who isn’t motivated.  Cause if he isn’t gung-ho now, he isn’t going to be 5, 10 or 20 years down the road as your Hubby either

Marriage is a long long time… longer and sadder than one can ever imagine if you are in a realtionship where you are completely in love with someone (head over heels) and they aren’t the same with you

Life is hard enough… WHY invite more heartache into it ?

Nope I learned that lesson the hard way… I said this time round that I wanted a man who was ever so slightly more in love with me than I was with him…

Cause there is NOTHING SEXIER on the whole planet than a Man who truly is in love with HIS WOMAN.  As the old saying goes… a man in love will move mountains, swim seas, and slay dragons.  That is the man you want to marry.


Post # 9
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@braverbeating:  I feel like I’m finally figuring this out and it’s soooo very frustrating….because, well, I wonder what dynamic my relationship would have had if I’d only figured this out before!

Good post though!

Post # 11
2169 posts
Buzzing bee

@beemyname:  Fortunately Mr. Bee’s Plan is pretty good to implement this sort of thing for women who aren’t sure where to start!

Post # 12
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@nycsa:  +1

My FI is a shy guy. If I waited for him to make a big move I’d be single forever. Ha. You have to learn to recognize the small moves cause they’re big moves for him. You have to know the guy a little bit. But even though FI is shy and indecisive, he still managed to propose. I told him I wasn’t going to wait forever. No ultimatum, but I said one day I will be sick of waiting and I will leave.

Post # 13
7207 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Thats a rule not only in terms of dating, but an important life skill (i.e. staying on a job way past your time, in hope of a promtion etc). 

Post # 14
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@jadlnc:  Oh yes, by the time it is time to propose, guys should have gotten over their shyness with you. I think for many, asking for the first date is the biggest hurdle to overcome.


@This Time Round:  Yes, most guys will step up eventually but it can take a very very long time. I think that is what is behind many of the romances started years later by highschool classmates. They finally have the courage to admit they like each other.


I think is also behind the phenomena of “40 year old virgins” They do exist even outside movies. They never made the first move although they think about it all the time (of course, as you said, these guys are not for everyone some women prefer more take charge types)




Post # 15
2878 posts
Sugar bee

@braverbeating:  I agree with this.

I made pretty much all the first moves with my FI and it was very empowering and satisfying. I do not believe it’s men’s job anymore to just be the one to decide and go after a girl and make the first moves. My rule is : if you want something, you need to go for it. You’re responsible for your own happiness after all, and waiting and hoping passively that something will happen just the way you were hoping is risky and frustrating (not only in dating, but also as previous Bees said, in life in general, like getting a degree, or a scholarship, or a job, or a promotion).

FI is extremely shy when he meets someone for the first time, and he admitted to me that our first dates he was intimidated by me (he thought I was the most beautiful girl, and couldn’t believe I was willing to date him). He wanted it to work so bad, that he wouldn’t initiate, because he feared of doing the wrong move and that I would turn him down as a result. One night I wanted him to kiss me so bad, but I knew he would not initiate. So I went by my rule : I went for it. I pushed him against the wall and kissed him madly. It surprised him and he LOVED that I did. 😉

Now FI is more confident as we learned to know each other through dating and we developed our trust and intimacy. Everybody says both partners should be equal in the relationship : fair enough, but to me, it also means it’s not only for the guy to make all the first moves while the girl *waits* passively. It means the girl can flirt, call back her date first, and even propose when she feels like it. 

Post # 16
2576 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@This Time Round:  This is very true. When I met DH, he was super shy (unless booze was involved, haha), and he knew that our mutual friend had me in mind to meet their other mutual guy friends. While I made a couple of the first moves (first kiss, showed interest), he took the ball and ran with it, and made sure that I wouldn’t meet those other guys b/c he WAS interested. He then went on to suggest dates, becoming official, proposing, and then marrying me.

If a woman is constantly making the first move, then something is up – the guy is either super lazy (and would you really want to have a partnership with someone that lazy?) or just not interested. Even the shy guys know to hunt – there’s no excuse for them not to.

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