Post # 1
Lets just start off with..I’m a very well composed person, I have manners, I can be short tempered but definitely TRY to be respectful and classy as i can.FI’s cousin had a birthday party, we were invited. I really didn’t expect much, but what i didn’t know was how shady and full of sht my FI’s family is. His sister and i don’t bond or get along, but we don’t hate each other. His family loves to gossip, i’m not so comfortable with that and choose not to involve myself in those situations but sadly i was put into it few days ago! First i figured people just thought i had gotten fat, so that explained the dirty looks, or disgusted look.. or i aws in denial? People were drinking awhole lot at the party, soooo appropriate for a 9 year old birthday party by the way. FI went with his dad to buy some more beers, gave me time to chit chat with some of FI’s family [extended],
after so his sister joined lets call her Beth. At this point its just me and beth, she was talking to me like i was sick or mentally ill.. she was getting tipsy i could tell, she then went on saying how im a smart mouth, then the worst unexpected thing came out of her mouth ‘I know you had an abortion nobodys stupid’ I was mortified..i was shaking and confused. I am pro choice, but I personally would never ever get an abortion, wth even made her come to this conclusion i was pregnant in the first place?! I told her off for a few, then tried walking away then she said, ‘My brother can’t marry a killer, especially your slutty a**’ or something like that.. after that I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED. Literally everything went into a blur. But what i do know is that i was the first one to hit, well she didn’t hit back just pulled hair but i was beating her pretty bad. FI told me she had black eye and busted lip, two teeth knocked out. We got seperated, i got kicked out, now everyone in his fam really thinks i got an abortion or just a psycho girl. FI picked me up, and we had serious convo but to much details.. he was pretty dmn shocked himself people are making rumors of me being pregnant/having an abortion. I’m pretty depressed at this point, almost ended it last night. I told my FI just break it off with me its never going to be the same again. We’re trying to work this out but hes been with his fam i guess to be there and explain. upsets me that i hit her.. upsets me that people think i’m a psycho killer.. I really don’t know whats going to happen, we may just have to elope. Sad that FI family probably will never forgive me for hitting Beth, but it felt right at that moment. This is so effed up :'(
What would you have done if in my situation? You are going to your fi/partners/bfs family’s get together, being clueless than ever about whats going on just going there to support your FI and be friendly to the fam, then all of a sudden drama starts exploding outta nowhere?
Post # 3
I assume you were drinking, because I can’t imagine you (or any sane adult) would haul off and hit someone sober just because you didn’t like what she said to you. No matter what she said, hitting her was never going to make anything better. It sounds like you need some anger management counseling.
Honestly, I think it will take a LOT for your relationship with his family to come back from this. I think you should start by apologizing to his sister and to the rest of the people at the party.
Post # 4
hmmm not really sure what say here. Time will heal all wounds (literally) so you just have to give everyone time to cool down including yourself!
Post # 5
You start by saying you can have a short temper, and your behavior bore that out. You’re lucky you weren’t charged with assault. I understand being upset about the malicious rumors, but you have to find a way control your temper.
Post # 6
Ummm wow. That is quite the event. You definitely need to make apologies to everyone, profusely. Honestly if I was your FSIL I would probably never forgive you for knocking teeth out! I think this will be a real tough one to get over with his family.
Post # 7
Not saying that it’s even remotely right or a good plan, but if I had a couple drinks and someone said that to me, I might’ve hit her too. I never have, so I can’t say for sure, but sounds like she was asking for you to react as strongly as possible. I’m sorry OP. If your relationship survives, I would apologize to the entire family for hitting her, but not for standing up for yourself. Unless she becomes sugary sweet after this, I would make sure she knows that you still intend on standing up to her, albeit in a civilized manner.
ETA: definitely try to keep a closer eye on escalating anger in the future, in case she’s looking for a reason to get you charged with something, or perhaps if this is a particularly strong feature of your personality.
Post # 8
I’m going to be painfully honest. If he loves his family and is close with them its not going to work out with you. If his family loves to gossip there will never be a peaceful moment and there will always be drama. Why would you want to marry into that BS?
Post # 9
Please, seek counseling ASAP. It sounds like you have some anger managent issues. Also, if you are considering suicide, you need professional help immediately.
Post # 10
It sucks that you were accused of so,etching you feel so strongly against but I would never…..NEVER hit someone. youare very lucky they didn’t call the police. I wold have called the police and you wouldn’t be attending family functions ever again.
i do not at all think this is worth you ever wanting to “end it” (your life) it was horrible decision on both of your parts. ITA with the poster about that said you should get anger management help. Punching someone so much that they lose teeth sounds like you were completely out of control.
i am pretty sure that my FI would leave me if I ever behaved in this way.
Post # 12
Fighting is wrong. But what she said crossed the line to the point where I think I might have lost it too. I think you should apologize for sure, but let it be known that you expect an apology in return. To spread such a horrible rumor about the woman her brother is about to marry is more unforgiveable than a black eye. The black eye will go away but rumors like that can stick for a loooooong time. I think your FI really needs to step in and take control of the situation, set his family/friends straight on the rumor, and tell his sister to mind her own business not speak ill of his future wife ever again.
I would also like to say that unless anyone was in your shoes they cant possibly know how that felt at that moment. Its easy to say that we would maintain our composure and be “ladylike” but honestly, no one is perfect. Hitting is never the answer but when you are in a blind rage, anything can happen.
Post # 13
@anella: I am actually shocked that you were not charged with assault or assault causing bodily harm. My man would leave me if I ever did something like this, for ANY reason. I can’t imagine that his family will ever be able to get past it. If you are having thoughts of ending your life you should seek help immediately.
Post # 14
No clue whether the OP is actually reading these or not, but…
What would *I* have done? I’d have kept my hands to myself… Hitting people is not a good coping mechanism. You are lucky you weren’t sent to jail.
I would have informed “Beth” (or whoever it was) that she was incorrect and that she was also being extremely rude. Then I’d have excused myself and left.
Post # 15
You need anger management counseling. What you did is called battery, and you should consider yourself very lucky if she hasn’t or isn’t going to press charges and have you arrested. I don’t care what she said about you. It doesn’t give you any right to put your hands on her.
Frankly, if he’s close to his family and they don’t like you, it’s probably not going to work out between you and him.
Post # 16
@anella: I don’t really buy this story but if it is true, then you should have been arrested. Hopefully the woman you assaulted presses charges. You should break up with your FI now, just to save him the trouble of having to do it in the near future.