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I haven't decided whether or not I will do them, but I will say that I know my fiance would be upset if I had a male photographer. Just a thought.
I've been planning on doing these. I'm probably going to have a female photographer, only because I already love her and know they will be great. However, for me (and this is just me) I don't think I would feel more comfortable either way. If you have a professional photographer, and plenty of confidence (or just lack of caring) I think you can go with a male and have it be perfectly fine.
I would ask your fiance if he would mind though.
I have to second that..I am not planning on doing this for the wedding but asked my FI about doing it for a future gift. He specifically said "not with a male photographer".
I have to respect his take on that.
I really want to surprise him with these so I'm not sure how to ask without tipping him off. Any ideas?
I'd say if you're going to have a male photog, arrange for a woman to be in the room with you at all times, whether it's a friend you bring, or his female assistant. Explain very clearly to him that while you trust him, you're more comfortable that way - he should respect that. I'd say if you're not getting creepy vibes from him, it shouldn't be a problem. It's art, he's an artist, and it's not like you're doing a full porn shoot.
@daydreamwander - I did ask him and he's totally cool with me bringing a female friend. His take is that I should do whatever will make me most comfortable because the shots will turn out better. He is a member of a couple of professional photography associations and doesn't seem creepy in the least. It's just that he's very new to boudoir (mainly shoots wedding/engagements) and is trying to expand his business. He did ask if I'd be willing to allow him to use some of the (non-identifying) shots for his website with my specific permission on which shots.
If you like your photographer, stick with him. If he's not creepy, no prob. Bring a friend for the help--you'll want someone to adjust the lace on your panties or fix your bra and i'd rather have my friend do that. Things just don't lie right when you're posing.
A professional is a professional. He's not going to get all excited photographing you. It's his job to look at you subjectively through the lens.
I also have a male gynecologist, lol. So uh, i kinda take the stand that "a job is a job" and if he's a professional, he's a professional in my book. Men see me in skimpy bikinis on the beach anyways, whatever.
Maybe make sure your SO doesn't mind... I know mine definatly would!
I don't think it would matter so much to me - but FI would flip out if he found it it was a male photog - and that's why I would go with a female.
Thanks, ladies!
So I asked one of my dear friends to come to the shoot and she was totally encouraging and enthusiastic and offered to come whether it was a male or female photographer.
I should point out that my assumption that he isn't creepy is only based on email/phone exchange (I haven't met him in person) but he was very patient with all my questions and very knowledgeable about photography and his marketing plan for this side of the business and who the other local top boudoir photographers are and how his style is similar/different.
I guess my only thing at this point is to figure out if my FI would mind a male photog and I'm not sure how to ask without tipping him off (I really want these to be surprise -- it's so unlike me to do something like this that I'm sure he wouldn't suspect - also I'm not even sure he would know this is a now-common thing for weddings). I would pull the old "my friend is thinking about doing... what do you think?" bit, but the only one friend that is engaged right now said (in front of him) that she thinks photography is not a priority item for her and their budget is mainly going towards an amazing venue and top-notch caterer so it wouldn't be plausible that she would spend on something like this.
Any ideas on how to get FI's thoughts without spoiling the surprise, Bees?
I may have a weird point of view, but I think it might be easier with a male photog. But then again I flirt with everyone male or female, babies or the eldery.
He would know what guys would like and have a different perspective on things that a woman might not think about.
Also, on the FI thoughts. I would just ask him if he would have a problem with a male photographer doing your wedding pictures (mention the getting ready part, usually involving undergarments and getting into the dress and etc) if he does I would say no to the boudoire photog.
Another thought was have a friend of your do a poll of like your guy friends (in a sneaky - i'm thinking of doing this for my man type of way)
That way your guy will just be one of the polls and it's not coming from you.
I know this varies from person to person, but I only felt comfortable with a female photographer. It took me a good while until I opened up and started coming out of my shell, so to speak. I also think it depends on the photographer. There was one place I so wanted to go to, but couldn't afford their prices. They were awesome and it seemed like I would have enjoyed it a lot more. The photographer I had almost seemed too......proper is the word that comes to mind. And when I'm trying to feel/look sexy, "proper" is the last thing I want to feel. lol But, over all it was a good experience and I'm so glad I did it. Now I'm just dying to get the actual pics and then will be dying even more to give them to the FI on our wedding night!
Personally I don't have any moral dilemmas with working with a male photographer. He's there to do a job and that's it. As long as he's professional, it's whatever. That being said, I wouldn't feel comfortable about it and I know my FI wouldn't be okay with it either.
It's totally up to you and I think when your FI sees the photos, he won't be thinking about who took them! I did have an idea to suss him out though: lingerie catalog or magazine ad. Flip through it in front of him and muse aloud, "I wonder if the model's husband minds that she poses in front of a male photographer."
TPHoliday, both those ideas are brilliant.
Cheerful, great idea as well and a really easy conversation to set-up.
I am so bad at keeping a poker face that he typically can read me like a book so I was stressing about how to not spill the beans.
I'm sure the photographers are all really professional; I just don't think I would feel comfortable with a male photog for a boudoir shoot. And I also don't think that my FI would feel comfortable with it either. I think it would ruin the coolness of the pictures for him.
I was suprised by all the responses that you should see if your FI will care. Quite frankly, I don't think he will think of who took the pictures when he sees them. It's not like you found an random guy in a bar to do them. My FI would be happy to have such photos (he's requested them already) and I can't see him resenting a man for taking them.
I agree with EJS, you wear a bikini on the beach which is not so different. It's not like you are going to have a relationship with the photographer and I assume men have seen you in your underwear before, at least a doctor or ex-boyfriend.
I know my guy would not feel good if I had a male photographer. I probably wouldn't mind (a professional is a professional) but if the situation was reversed, I'm not sure I would be comfortable with FI having a female photographer, so I can understand that.
Some people honestly don't care, though. So I'd either check with him or go with a female photog to be safe. Just me.
Oh, one other thing... I could see a difference in a male wedding photographer and a boudoir session. Yes, a boudoir photographer should be completely professional, and any well-established professional will not cross the boundary lines. But a boudoir session is often you, the photog, and a hotel room. I can see how that's way different from a wedding photographer, the bride, and a roomful of other people.
I haven't read what the others said yet but I'm gonna be doing them for a wedding present. I personally didn't feel comfortable with having a male but if you don't get embarrassed like I do you'll be fine, as long as he does good work. And the only question I asked was, "these aren't going to end up anywhere else... right?" Like I didn't want them on her website or some other publication! She said unless I signed a consent form she wouldn't put them anywhere.
I did mine with a male photographer, and it was a great experience. Not awkward at all. I did bring along a friend, mostly to help with outfits and calm my nerves. My husband didn't even ask once he saw the photos. Then again, I don't think he would mind either way.
I know this thread is old-ish, but I thought I'd add my 2 cents anyway!
Personally, I wouldn't even be able to do the session if it were with a male photog. As-is, I'm going with a friend who is a budding photog, and looking for someone to be her first boudoir model. I don't mind being a guinea pig here, since I know she takes great photos, and I value the comfort factor so much!
I wouldn't mind as long as the photog's a pro of course. However, if I caught wind that FI would mind, I'd go with a woman.
I'm sure the photog would be professional but I'd feel more inhibited and therefore the photos would come out less good. For my B-pics I felt so comfortable with my female photog that I ended up doing some semi-nudes and FI enjoyed those the most. No way I'd have done that with a male photog. I also would be too embarrassed to do sexy faces and poses, I'd feel like I was trying to seduce him. With another woman it was just "play model for a day" with a lot of laughs.
I think a lot also has to do with how "established" the male photog is. Booking off CL? Hell No I wouldn't strip in-front of him to any form of my undergarments! "Great deal" or "budget photog" I honestly wouldn't trust. There are a LOT of creepy dudes out there with cameras... some are not very "professional" even though they are in "business." I know a few in my area that there is no way I would put myself in that situation with.
I didn't vote because I don't plan to take boudoir pics, but my FI was very against it when I brought it up. I was actually pretty surprised he had that reaction and we've ben together for 5 years. I really thought he would like it. Definitely use some of the great ideas you got above to find out what your FI thinks.
Hi everyone. I know this is a rather old post, but I just wanted to jump in and offer an opinion, from a male photographer.
First, yes you must be comfortable with the photographer. In my case, my wife (of 25 years) is my assistant so that might be a little different from a client's perspective.
As far as images being used by photographers. Each state is a little different, and I am no lawyer, so be sure to check with one if you have questions. In most places, photographers own the copyright to any image taken. However, there is also something called a right to publication. This does not allow the photographer (again in most states) to publish photos of anyone who can be recognized without permission. We provide our clients with a shoot agreement. In it, it lays out the basics of the shoot, time etc, and also states in it that we can not and will not publish in anyway the images of our clients, unless they specifically give us the permission to do so. The images we use for publicity were specifically shot for that reason and the ladies in the images provided realeses to us to use the images and knew before the shoot took place that we would want to use them. If your photographer does not have a shoot agreement and something that is signed by both of you that the images will not be used anywhere else, I would look for another phtographer.
I can tell you that after doing this for years, honestly, we are focused very hard on making really good images. We are focusing on lighting, angles, what is showing up in the background behind you. A true professional photographer cares only that you are relaxed and comfortable. Nervousness shows up in images. We often encourage our clients to bring a friend to help with her posing (we guide, friend can help make adjustments) or wardrobe. We like to have our client's favorite music playing in the background. We encourage all of our clients to hire a professional make up artist. Be papmered that day. It is all part of the process of relaxing and creating beautiful images.
I am not going to attempt to equate photographers and doctors, but you can think of this in a similar fashion. To a real professional, the shoot is much like you going to the doctor. This is what we do and there really is no shock factor, no gawking, no comments. If that happens at a shoot you have booked, simply end the shoot. Our goal is to make your FI's jaw drop when he receives the book or prints.
Hope this gives you all a little perspective from a photographer.
Something to keep in mind: a professional is a professional. They will not be ogling your semi-nude body; they'll be looking for the most flattering lighting and angles. HTH! :)
@Bill Potts: I totally respect your point of view and I have 100% confidence that from your perspective it would be no big thing. But I think a lot of guys would disagree. Men are not always rational when it comes to jealousy. From my FI's perspective he would be unhappy about me getting all dolled up and half nekkid in front of another man. Rational or not. :)
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Hello-
A few questions for you Bees that either taken boudoir photos or are planning to.
1) Are there specific questions to ask photographers re: boudoir (i.e. privacy concerns)?
2) Did anyone here work with a male photographer? If so, what was your experience like? I found one whose style I like and he's just branching out into this (mostly shoots weddings/engagements) so his pricing is attractive. I'm just not sure if I would be as comfortable as with a woman but I don't know for sure.
Thanks Bees!!