Post # 1
Hey bees, i guess im just looking for some support and advice from others in this situation… SO and I have been together for 6 years,,, hes 33, im 28. i have been waiting now for over 3 years. i had a major meltdown in sept last year and we had a big talk and he told me it would happen but i am STILL WAITING! i had 5 friends who had been with their SO the same amount of time or longer than me and SO and every one of them got engaged this year. Their SOs are all younger than mine… just makes me wonder whats wrong with me 🙁 i know every relationship moves at different paces but he is 33!!! When exactly is he going to realise? i always wanted to have a baby before 30 but thats not going to happen now as i want to be married first. he knows all this and is keen for kids. we will get married ‘soon’ (it has been ‘soon’ or ‘one day’ for the past couple of years now). i just feel totally rejected and it is now seriously eating into my self confidence. I would love to hear from any bees who are/were in the same situation and it ended well? our relationship is otherwise great, we own a house together and i love him so much, i am just so depressed he doesnt love me enough to make it official and make me his wife!
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - Makena Cove
@nlin029: so sorry you’re feeling like this. I’m also a waiting bee, 5 years into it. SO and I had the ‘soon’ talk a lot and the ‘one day’ verbage happening. It took about a year for me to get up the nerve to sit down with him and have a really honest conversation about it. Like you mentioned, we too had other friends surpass us in the dating/engagement timeframe. He understood where I was coming from but still just wasnt ready.
I think your SO may just need a little nudge in the right direction and if you’re starting to feel resentment towards him for not committing then maybe it’s time to set a walk date? Hopefully it wont come to that!
You’ll probably hear from lots of waiting bees who are in the same or similar situation you are in. The boards might help you gain some different perspectives as well. *hugs*
Post # 4
You at least deserve a timeline. That way, you two will be on the same page. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying “I want to be married by x date and start TTC by x date.”
Post # 5
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that. My situation was somewhat similar – I’m the same age (but FI is only 29). We have been together for 6 years and we have tons and tons of friends who’ve met, dated, and got married all within the span of our relationship.
I think that
1) You deserve a timeline. A timeline isn’t an ultimadium, it’s an opportunity for you to understnad what’s going on!
2) Have you tried talking to him about possible underlying reason for the holdup? It could be legitimate concerns about your future and committment…but I think in a lot of cases it’s more about aprehension over the “details” – the proposal, the ring, the wedding, etc. If that’s where his aprehension lies, that’s definetly something the two of you can overcome by talking through it. These kinds of things were the biggest road block for my (now) FI.
Post # 6
Hi lady, i feel your pain! I am in a asimilar situation. I just sat down and talked to him ( after a few meltdowns) and it was him who set a timeline rather than me issue an ultimatum. Remeber, there are two of you in this relationship and you have as much say into your future as him. I think the not knowing and vagueness is the most difficult thing to deal with. Good luck x
Post # 7
@nlin029: believe me i’ve been there, still am lol. i’d just sit him down, and communicate how your feeling in a positive way. and don’t just do it because everyone else is. it has to be the right choice for both of you.