- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
Sooooo...
We were married on Oct 1st (woohoo) - well, technically we were married last year but 95% of our guests did not know this.....
I went to change my name today and I had a strange feeling about it all.....kind of sad? Maybe its because my period is on its way?
In my circle of friends, I go by my last name (its kind of an unusual last name out here). @ Work, I go by my last name. I used to HATE my last name but in high school I grew to like it. Now, I will be going only by my husband's last name - I'm not a fan of hyphenating names or taking my maiden name as a middle one as I already have a middle name.
Did anyone feel a little sad about giving up their maiden name? I think everyone will still call me by my last name, and at work I will not be using my new last name.
To me I am a little sad because my last name is very unique and special. It's Italian so I always get asked if I am Italian. I am sad that no one would ask me if I was Italian anymore if I do change it. My family and other branches of our family never had any boys to carry on the name, so it's very sad. In fact, my fiance knows how special and unique it is that he's been considering changing HIS name to MINE. We probably won't though :( Of course I am looking forward to us having the same last name though, whatever it is. He doesn't want a hyphenated last name though.
My parents had all girls so I'm a bit sad. When my older sister had her first son she gave him our parents last name as his middle name as her way of passing it on. On the other side of things, my FI wants to try for a boy (we already have a girl) in the future so he can pass on his name because he was the only boy in his family.
I am almost fourty, a single parent, and the most common last name in the states. I was more likely to get hit by a bus than get married at my age being a single parent, so I was thrilled to be changing my name (doing the happy dance - I beat the odds!). The only thing I was sad about is that my son now has a different last name than I do.
I dealt with that by not changing my name. Is there some reason you want to change? Especially if you are not changing at work?
I'm not changing mine but I'll probably go by both socially, just not legally. It's too expensive and difficult to deal with at work and beyond.
In 2010, I don't see the need.
If it's sad, don't change it!
Its just like any major change - it brings excitement but also a sense of loss. I was happy to change my name but yes it does feel weird. It will take a while to get used to. I wanted to change my last name because I have always felt that way - it was never a question to me - I would change my last name to that of the man I married. I also wanted to change to feel more like a family and so that I will have the same last name as my children. Just remember that you still are the same person. It is just a representation of this giant life step that you just took and that is pretty cool!!! I have had my name changed for a few weeks and I know it will be a while before it feels normal!
I felt the same way. But I knew it was something I wanted to do so our family had the same last name. I didn't want to have a different name than our kids... My last name has been changed for a couple of months now and I am getting used to it. I still catch myself writing my maiden name but it is getting easier.
i feel the same way...going from such a unique and cool last name to something super generic has got me feeling down. But my love for the fiance overpowers it all i guess, its bittersweet.
I think about my mother and how her name just sounds so perfect like it was always mean to be that way but obvioulsy it wasnt, to think of her as Karen (maiden name) is just strange! Maybe i will get to that point in say...20 years.
@starry: wooo hoo for the italians! i have a super italian name and will be changing to a very generic last name. but i really dont think i would have it any other way.
You dont have to change your name if it makes you sad. Many women these days maintain their maiden name or just hyphenate. I dont think you should do it, unless your excited about it and really want it
Let's solve this issue and have our FI's/Partner's change their last name to ours! Who said the name change has to be the woman's?
I’m more than 6 months out from my wedding but I’m already sad about changing my name. My fiancé’s last name is probably the most common in the US (miller). I personally know 3 women who have the same name I will have when I’m married. It’s just weird. I would love to just hyphenate my last name but my fiancé has a pet peeve about that. I still might go that route but I’m still not sure.
I'm basically indifferent--I'm going to change my last name to his (which is sort of a bummer because his family is HUGE and I'll be yet another "Mrs. ___") but keep my last name professionally (I'm a writer and all my creds are under my maiden name, obviously!). Problem solved!
I have a fantastic last name (Devine) and I am surprisingly looking forward to changing my last name, to become a wife and to be called Mrs. "new last name" :) It feels special to me to be changing my last name to my husbands, it's all part of the experience, and I'm sure all my friends will still say, "hey Devine" when they see me!
I say if it makes you so sad, why bother changing? My experience thus far is people are going to call you by whatever name they want you to no matter what decision you make. I also did the technically married with 95% not knowing at our wedding, and spent a lot of life really not liking my last name. So now that it is changed, I really really really wish I hadn't. My co-workers only call me by my maiden name. Everyone else calls me by his last name (you know, because we are married, obviously my last name is his last name). It's been 2 months and I have given up on trying to correct everyone. So, yeah, I'd wait on it.
Not me...i can't wait to change my last name...i HATE my last name. Its so plain and common and my FI hubby has an unusal last name that only about 100 people or less in the US have.
I cannot wait to take my FI's last name. I have my Mom's maiden name as I have a very, very broken family and for me it is so exciting to be engaged and to soon take a new family name to build a family of my own, not battered and broken like my family's.
For you, some people have "nicknames" that people call them and aren't affiliated with their legal names. Could you maiden name not take that role perhaps? If people are going to by default call you that anyways, on paper you would be your hubbie's new last name, but everyone would still associate you with your current last name?
@RingPup: That reminds me...I have my mother's maiden name, too, so for three generations women have had this name. Yikes.
My fiancé wants to take my last name, and wouldn't have it any other way.... I wanted to change mine and used to think his sounded funny...then it grew on me. But now he is DEAD SET on having my name.... I guess to erase his past and make a new future. He is a "Jr." and his father was.... lets just say very abusive..... Changing his name will no longer make him an image of someone else (in his eyes), and I'm sure more reason behind it... Well I'm fine with it... Except I was also thinking of changing to something COMPLETELY different instead... I always liked the name Valentine :)
I was a little sad at first, but it didn't last long. What upset me was that I no longer share the same name as my family. But then you realize, it's just a name. I'm still a member of my family, now I'm just also a family with my husband. And hopefully we'll start our own family.
@MrsJKH2be: Have people keep calling you by your maiden name, that way it could become a nickname rather than your "old last name." Best of both worlds.
I can't wait to change my last name! I know that's not helpful, but I just can't wait.
If you uncomfortable with it, you don't have to change it. Loads of women keep their last names nowadays.
I feel like people were a little too opinionated about what I did with my last name. I took 3 months to change it and was shocked at how many people constantly checked up on me to see if I had made any progress. And these were people who didn't even know if I had decided to change it! Then when I finally did, I had several people outright say "That's a terrible name!" Grown adults. Saying I now have a terrible name.
But for me, it was a totally drama free solid decision I never wavered on or felt strange about. There's nothing wrong with women who keep their maiden name, hyphenate or change it personally and not at work, but I always knew I would just flat out change it everywhere, no hyphen. I have a new family now, it's me and my husband, and I want to reflect that by us having the same last name. period.
I feel the same way! I agree with @pitbulLover regarding the sense of loss. I just dont feel ready to give up my last name! I have until May to get used to it, so hopefully I do! I also feel like I wont be my dad's little girl anymore and that breaks my heart!
My FI and I had this talk as well. When I said that I'd like to keep my unique last name in my name once we're married, he was a bit troubled. As we talked about it more though, I explained that me hyphenating or just going by 4 (First Middle In. Maiden NewLast) was what I'd mainly use in professional settings (since my maiden name is unique in my location and FI's last name is very common). I am looking forward to being 'Mrs. ND' to our friends and family, but I am also glad to be able to maintain my last name that all of my colleagues already know me by.
I felt sad about it...actually I got a little teary when I got my new driver's license and social security card. However, I had no middle name so I'm keeping my maiden name as my middle name so that helps a little. It's still hard though and it's also a little weird being in the transition phase where I'm two people at once!
Is there a part of it that makes you happy? All change can be traumatic, but if it really makes you sad, remember that it's your choice. I thought about changing my name for like 6 hours and then realized it made me alternatively want to vomit and punch my fiance for asking me to. So I'm not changing it. But there are lots of women who are excited to change their name but also sad and wistful about losing their old name. The trick is figuring out which you are.
I know how you feel. I am not traditional, but I did want to change my last name, but I was still sad about it. I LOVED my maiden name. Now, after the fact, I love the name change, and if it's any consolation, a lot of my friends/old coworkers still call me by my maiden name/old initials.
I was sad too. I think in hindsight waiting would have been a good option, but we had bought a new car, and I needed to get license plates, so I got it done about 6 weeks after the wedding. I am still a little sad. I have four names (no hyphen), and you might want to consider that- then your maiden would still be a part of your name in a way and it can be used or not as you decide. The big drawback is most people don't respect that your name is what you choose. I go by my maiden name at work (no problem whatsoever), but in the rest of my life, I go by Myfirst MyMaiden MyLast, but people almost always leave out my maiden name. If you're having a hard time, waiting is an option. It's much easier to wait and change it later than change it and change it back.
I'm sad about it,too. We are compromising and adding his last name to mine with a hyphen but honestly I did not want to! I'm still going ot use my last name only on my business cards!
@starry, I had the same issues. I'm Italian, have a very unique last name, and no one to carry the name on. I decided to be hyphenated. My DH was not too thrilled with that, but I wanted to take his name while still keeping my super awesome last name that I love so much. I just couldn't give it up, but I really wanted to take his. My only option was to be hyphenated.
Glad to see I'm not the only one!!
I work in a very male dominated field (not that it has anything to do with this post BUT) and a bunch of them were razzing me last night when they called in because I kept answering the phone w/ my "old last name". They kept correcting me and asking why I didn't say my "new last name". To be honest, half of them would be confused when I answered, wondering if I was a "new person"!
We aren't having kids so I'm not concerned about passing on a name....and I do WANT to take his name, I want to express our union in that way. I was just have some weird moment of sadness.
I was sad to give it up...that's for sure, but my new one is growing on me. Plus, all the guys at work still refer to me by my maiden name, so I still get to here it alot!
I just recently started to feel a little sad about it as well. It is very bittersweet.
I've legally changed my name. I also was sad about it, my maiden name was VERY Greek and 15 letters long, my new name doesn't sound as ethnic and its only 5 letters. Its very important to me though to share the same last name as my husband, and since I already have a middle name, I didn't want a 2nd middle name. So yes, it is bittersweet! I am getting more used to it though, and I love my new initials:)
I'm always so confused when I see posts like this, because you don't HAVE to change your name. If it makes you sad...don't do it! You won't be less of a family. You will not have problems picking your kids up from school. You will still be married.
I feel sad about losing my name as well! At first, I was excited because my name is really common, but the more I think about it, the weirder I feel losing it. I had told FI that since we'll be married before I get a Dr. before my name, I'd definitely change it...but I'm seriously considering at least keeping it as my professional name. I'd change it to my middle name but I actually like my middle name and don't want to lose it either.
This may stem from the fact that FI's last name is often mispronounced as a part of male anatomy haha.
I feel the same way. I have a great Irish name and FI's last name is so generic. My sister and I am also the end of the name so I feel bad about that too. My dad and I were teasing FI that he should take my last name instead. The only good part is my last name has an ' in it and to be honest it is a pain in the @ss, as atleast I get to get rid of this stupid ' ! It gets mixed up in computers all the time, sometimes they include it, sometimes they drop it, I have even had it where they have drop the the letter in front of the ' and the '. I am looking forward to not having to deal with that anymore.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| Gemstone | 19 |
| Rojocameo | 16 |
| Rivendeler | 15 |
| kat2014 | 13 |
| fivemonthsnotice | 12 |
| couawilou | 11 |
| bookworm88 | 10 |
| aussiebee | 9 |
| lionskitty | 9 |
| Suikerbossie | 9 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| NotAnotherAnonBee | 3 |
| smyley | 2 |
| bookworm88 | 2 |
| BayStateBride | 1 |
| deetroitwhat | 1 |
| Sasha2011 | 1 |
| Sassygrn | 1 |
| candykiss | 1 |
| MrsRuby | 1 |
| ticatica | 1 |
