Sad about pregnancy and not sharing this with my mom who lives in another state

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 2
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Janaic88:  My someone special was my husband. It never occurred to me to include my mother. My babies were part of my new family with my husband, not my mother. Of course we talked on the phone, so she knew what was happening, but beyond that she waited until after the delivery like everyone else.

If you want to include her during the pregnancy, you could have your hubby take a picture of you each week/month showing your belly and send that to her.

 I’m not a proponent of unnecessary ultrasounds, so if you want to share that moment with your Mom why not take her with your husband when you find out the gender instead of scheduling another U/S?

Post # 4
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Janaic88:  those aren’t my pics. I took them off another thread on WeddingBee.

How many days ahead of the shower will she be there? Really, it doesn’t take much for whomever is hosting yshower to make a list of the things that she wants to be gender specific in color, then buy them at the last minute. You and your Mom could even do the shopping for those things together.

Post # 6
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

I would wait for your mom so you all find out together 🙂

Why can’t the shower be gender neutral with maybe a few last minute gender specific decorations if the host feels up for it at the last minute?

Post # 7
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If you really want to your mom to be there when you find out the gender why don’t you have them right it down and put it in a sealed envelope for you all to open together? That’s what my SIL did and it worked well for everyone. 

Post # 9
Member
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with Jules on this one, I didn’t include my mom in my pregnancy much because it was about me and DH starting our family. And opening that door to my mom was like giving her an invitation to co-parent with us. I’ve been reading a lot of the dealing with the in laws boards on baby center and it really makes me want to keep the lines clear between our roles as parents and what the grandparents roles should be in the baby’s life. Pick a gender neutral theme for your baby shower (sock monkeys, jungle, dr. seuss, etc) and maybe give your mom a gender specific small gift when seh arrives so she can find out what baby is in a special way. 

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that you are close with your mom but I’d see this pregnancy as an opportunity to bond more with your husband and your growing family. 

PS Get excited!!! Your are growing a tiny human and that’s the coolest thing ever! Those first flutters are amazing and when baby starts to hear your voices and move around in response, sweetest moments ever. DH used to lay across my lap after work and talk to me and baby girl would always kick like crazy when she heard her daddy’s voice. Melted my heart! 

Post # 10
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Well telling her not to include someone who is obviously very important is not really the advice she’s looking for! I will be having the same issues since I am 1000 miles away from my sister and best friens, both of whom I imagined would be there when I got pregnant. If you wanted a gender specific shower and it was not enough time for the host, you could always do the scheduled ultrasiund and maybe Skype/FaceTime her so she can see what’s happening. Sending her pictures every week is good, or maybe you could go through an online registry and sort of “pick out” baby items together? Maybe just the cute stuff since I assume your DH will want a say too. 

Post # 11
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Janaic88:  Maybe you could have an elective u/s to find out the gender and have your mom on the phone/skype during it?  Then you could go have another elective u/s when she is there? I always texted my mom with pictures of the ultrasounds after to show her. I stayed connected with her by telling her about all the things I had bought, etc and we facetimed so I could show her. Then, whenever we were together we would do big shopping trips together.

Post # 12
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You should let your mother know that it makes you sad that she isn’t with you! She might think that you want more space and want to do this with just you and your husband. I don’t know when you can find out genders etc but if you ask her nicely is it possible that she could fly up earlier and find out the gender together then? <br /><br />Just you telling her that you miss her will make her feel loved and she can then help put more effort into getting you excited. 

Post # 14
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Janaic88:  we didn’t try and I think I would vary among hospitals which is why I say go for the elective u/S. Elective places will let you bring as many people as you want and I think they’d allow you to Skype someone in or be on the phone since they aren’t medical uktrasounds!

Post # 15
Member
1640 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Rustic mill, historical site

Maybe call the ultrasound clinic and see if it’s possible to bring a computer or phone and skype with her so she can ‘be there’ without being there?

 

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