- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
We got married a few weeks ago, it was a destination/sort of elopement. We had a wedding package for the two of us, with the photos and all stuff you don’t normally have at an elopement, but it was just the two of us.
We were always going to have some kind of reception after, but earlier in the year the in laws offered to pay for it and we accepted their very generous offer.
We started going to wedding shows, searched the net, looked at designs and threw ideas around. Bare in mind, i have no family or friends attending, it is kind of soley for OHs(what is the abbreviation for husband?!). this was because i dont have any close family and we thought it was a lot to ask for my/our friends to travel to where the parents live (as it’s nowhere near and the wedding has already happened)to attend the originally small get together/family dinner, you know for his grandparents etc. i wasn’t too bothered, it was going to be like a family dinner for his family since they couldn’t come. (i don’t have any friends close-enough to be bothered that they weren’t coming).
Anyway, it was going to be a sweet get together with a marque, patio heaters in their garden with Mexican tapas(we chose this). It wasn’t going to cost very much, and so it was nice to spend more on a real wedding cake, invites and favours. I spent months and months, hours on end looking for the exact stye/theme for all of these, the whole time sharing the ideas with fmil. All the designs were chosen by us, reflected us and our theme for the actuall wedding/colour scheme and our taste.I even hand picked and downloaded the exact font and scrolls for the invites.
We asked mil to make the invites and favour boxes as she loves this kind of thing and complained about not being involved, we honestly thought she would enjoy it and they would mean more as they were personal and handmade. This turned out to be a big mistake, now she has basically made out that we have burdened her with a chore that she is too busy for.
One of the main things i’m upset about is that when we left the country for our wedding, a few days later she texted us a picture of the FINISHED invites/boxes. We were very shocked because she never once mentioned that they were going to be made up whilst we were gone. We didn’t get a chance to help or be involved(which makes us more annoyed because she complained she ‘had’ to do all the work herself. After the shock that she’d gone ahead with them, (Reception is end of Nov)we were just plain upset, after all the conversing about designs and layouts, fmil had gone ahead and made something of her own design. they loosely resemble what we wanted. The theme is the same(authumn) but the style of wallet, colours, layout, invite, favour boxes, wording, font and finishing touches, ribbon, wax seal design of invites, size, shape EVERYTHING is different and has been changed.
Now, as these were some of the main reasons for me wanting a reception when it was going to really be for their family(having the things we didn’t get marrying alone) i was more than upset.
Please don’t attack me, i’m very grateful for the money/work/effort she put in, but she knew what i wanted, looked intently, excitedly and agreeing with the designs and never once said she wasn’t going to do them that way(we changed the shape/size of things to make them to her preference before all of this).i am absolutely gutted and my husband is really annoyed. I wanted something to our taste, classy, professional looking, pretty and that were our designs to show what we had chosen, the usual things, but seeing one up close makes us want to cry because despite the above, they look like an 11th grade art project.
We of course never said this but when asked what we thought of them, we very, very carefully hinted that they weren’t what we had agreed on(saying they were nice and she had worked hard even tho the look like art project etc) and the conversation turned into an attack on us about how ungrateful we are and how the wedding is finished now and the reception is about family and no one cares about little things like the invites or decor. and that i’m complaining about silly things like colour and fonts and she didnt know she had to be exact(even tho she agreed). But i am only planning on getting married once so i wanted things to be perfect.
Also, they picked the venue, they didn’t want it in their garden as we decided months ago, then they didn’t want it in their house at all, then they were going to bring caterers in. Then they decided they didn’t like our food choice. They chose the venue, which we went along with since they are paying and i just wanted the little things for myself, they chose the date and the guest list, time and room and decor(that we were also planning, spent hours looking at table settings, center pieces and had opinions on).
They pestered us with texts and emails about menu choices throughout our honeymoon and picked what they wanted anyway.
(sorry this is getting longer0
We accepted they didn’t want mexican tapas we were fighting a losing battle, we chose this as it’s our fav type of food, it would be easy to make, nice looking to serve and would suit all tastes as it was varied and full of flavour.
First off they got the list of choices from the venue and picked three of each(the list was very good, amazing sounding dishes and had lots of choice, we didn’t find out about these options until much later). Anyway, we were hurt that the menu had no choices that either of us would eat. i’m not joking, or exagerrating. the menu represented what they and their close friends would like. It didn’t suit all tastes and in my opinion, half of it was ordinary/pub food. It consisted of a dish option, veg option and a steak pie(!) option – who wants to eat a pie at your wedding reception?
We mentioned very nicely that we really didn’t like them, we don’t eat fish, the veg option was filled with stuff we don’t eat, i dont like beef and Oh didn’t want a pie. We asked very nicely if we could please chose one of the three options and they chose the other 2. we were ignored and they then changed it to 2 fish options and the same veg, more things we didn’t eat(the whole time ignoring the lovely wedding style food on the venue’s list. eventually they decided on a mediterrain option with a mexican dressing? We found out the veg option was unnecessary since the venue would supply a veg option if anyone opted for it, so we were free to choose 3 non-veg options and they would serve any dish as long as each was chosen by at least 6 people each. fmil said they’d gone to so much trouble to do this med/mex meal, but it was nothing like the mex we chose and wouldn’t suit many people. Now, it’s finally settled and it’s two options not three, with that med/mex unnecessary veg choice and a chicken that we chose… now i feel like a fool because i know it’s not enough choice and not many people will want this and i’m 95% sure that if people complain they will be told that WE chose this(as will be the case when ppl see the invites etc, OH says he is embarrassed that ppl will think we chose those designs), yet we didn’t!
We also got the blame for mils BEST friends double booking and losing money since the invites went out too late and they were planning to do something else the same day. DESPITE the fact that they all see each other on a weekly basis, have been discussing the same date since jan, was picked by mil, friends had chosen food long before we had seen menu AND we asked them to send save the dates months ago when mil was personally phoning every guest telling them all the info on the invites!! GRRRRGGG
Ok, that’s enough. I’m soorrry for sounding like a brat but i don’t understand how simple things have turned into a nightmare, i only wanted a say in three things, we’ve compremised on everything without complaining before the whole menu/invite thing. I don’t want to be ungrateful, i appreciate the money and time put into it but it’s nothing like we wanted and seems to have become a party for their friends and i’m really hurt and will always look back and be upset about my ideas/dreams being squashed like a bug.
THANK YOU for reading so long.