Post # 1
It’s been nearly six weeks since our wedding, and I’m finally going to start the name change process this afternoon but am feeling kind of melancholy about it. It’s not that I mind being FirstName MarriedName necessarily, it’s that I’m sad to not be FirstName MaidenName anymore even though I’ll be keeping my maiden as a middle name. I’m going for FirstName Middle MiddleMaiden MarriedName — a bit unwieldy at 27 characters, but my middle name is my mom’s maiden name and I can’t bring myself to give up either family name.
I’m not looking for anyone to convince me to keep my name (believe me, I’ve spent plenty of time considering ALL the options); I just wanted to vent a little bit to an understanding audience. The few friends and family I’ve talked to about it don’t seem to get that it’s a change I do want to make even though I’m not excited about it.
Post # 3
I get it. I still go by First Maiden at work because it’s such a pain in the ass to change it here, but it’s a little sad to introduce myself with my married name sometimes. I kept my maiden as my middle name (didn’t have a middle name in the first place) so I have that little bit of my name to carry with me still!
You will get used to the new name though!
Post # 4
@nanilani04: ugh I feel you. I’m very unsure about changing my name too.
Post # 5
@nanilani04: Aww, hugs! The name change was hard for me too – so hard that I waited 6 months before feeling ready to change my name. So I get it! 🙂 Don’t worry, you’re not alone!
Post # 6
I totally understand. I’m changing my name and going by a hyphenated name at work, but I admit that whenever I think about my new name it feels so weird…like, who is THAT?
Also, I don’t get along very well with my FMIL, so I also kind of resent the idea of being Mrs. Hislastname when that’s her name too. But that’s just petty.
I hope that soon you’ll adjust to the new name and the new family you’ve created. Hugh!
Post # 7
I get it 100%. I never realized how attached I was to my last name. I changed mine the week after the wedding because dh was busting my chops to get it done. Probably for the best though, I’d wind up being one of those women that waits 10 years to do it. ha!
But seriously, now that it’s done, even though my license says something different, I still “feel” like I have my last name if that makes any sense at all?
Post # 8
I felt that way with my first marriage that ended badly. It never felt like *my* name.
This time around, I’m very happy to have my husband’s name and it feels very natural. I just use my maiden and married name in situations where I think I won’t be recognized at First Name, Married Name. I’m over 10 years into my career, so it’s not reasonable to always use just his.
I think it’s natural for women to feel conflicted about name changes. It’s a BIG change!
Post # 9
Totally understand how you feel, I’ve been having the same debate with myself as I’m very attached to my last name. I think using your maiden name as a nickname is a GREAT idea. And I’m sure that as time passes you will become more and more comfortable with your new name, especially if your family grows. Bottom line is if you thought long and hard about it you’ve made the right decision for yourself, and you’ll be glad you did 🙂
Post # 10
I totally get it. It’s such a significant change, not an easy step.
Post # 12
@nanilani04: I went throught that. I was going to keep all 4 names but only ended up keeping my maiden as my middle. I was really excited to change my last name though so that got me thought it.
Post # 13
@nanilani04: why do you have to give up your original middle name too?? a lot of cultures have more than just 3 names (first, middle, last).
can you not just add your married name to your last or add a second middle name (your maiden name added to middle name).
i am not trying to convince you, i just don’t want you to be sad.
Post # 14
@nanilani04: I went through that too. Ive had my married name for almost 5 months now and I’m still getting used to it. I had my maiden name as a last name for over 26 years, of course its gonna take a while to feel comfortable with my married last name.
Post # 15
@mypinkshoes: I am keeping my maiden name as a second middle name. I debated giving up either my middle or my maiden (both commonly done by women who change their names) because let’s face it, it would probably simplify later paperwork a lot and would actually fit on my license in its entirety (remains to be seen for my new name). Ultimately it didn’t feel right to be choosing between my two family names, so four names it is!
I don’t think there is any option right now (including not changing a thing) that would make me jump for joy. It’s all rather bittersweet to me, and people I’ve spoken to tend not to know how to respond to my conflicted emotions on this topic.
Post # 16
My middle name is a family name too and I don’t want to get rid of my maiden name so I’ll be going with 4 names too. However, I’m currently getting a PhD, which I should have about a year in the marriage. I decided not to change my name right away. I started my PhD before I knew him so I want that same name on my diploma. I just think getting married and changing the name is a lot of change at once, and there really isn’t much of a reason. I think one of the main reasons for changing the name is to have the same last name as future children. We aren’t planning on starting a family right away, and I might wait until we do to consider changing my name. Getting married doesn’t change the name, a lot of people just change their name once they are married. That doesn’t mean you have to and that doesn’t mean you can’t later.