Thanks for your input everyone. Okay, before when I posted I was sad. Now I’m devastated. Boyfriend or Best Friend just called me on his way home from work. He said that he is feeling really depressed, and he said part of that is because of all the pressure I keep putting on him to get engaged soon. I told him I don’t understand. You keep telling me lately that you want us to get engaged soon. He told me that we’re definitely not going to end up getting married if we keep arguing like this. I’ll admit we have been arguing not alot but a fair amount lately, but I feel like he brings it on himself by doing stuff like asking me to go look at rings and then changing his mind which obviously is going to confuse and upset me. He even said remember I broke up with you before when you were putting all this pressure on me to get engaged soon. (We’ve been together for almost three years now, but were broken up from beg. of July through beg. of September and then got back together). So, he was clearly insinuating that I better stop pressuring him or else he might break up with me again. I told him that I don’t understand. That he’s been saying that we’ll get engaged within the next week or two, and that he even said we could get married this summer. (I told him the other day that I had just found out that my family is having a reunion in our state this summer and thought that would be wonderful if we could get married this summer while they were all here and asked if he thought that might be possible. He’s told me before that he doesn’t feel the need for a long engagement so that’s why I felt okay asking him this. He was really sweet about it and was like yeah definitely. That would be great, etc).
So, he went from telling me that we’d be getting engaged within just the next week or two (from now) and he was okay with us getting married this summer to making it sound like maybe in fact we’re actually never going to get married. Ladies, I am so, so devastated. I told him back in September when he begged for me back, I see no point in us getting back together only to break up again and he insisted I didn’t have to worry about that. He said he knew know that I was the one for him. That he definitely wanted to get married, ect. He originally said we’d definitely be engaged by the end of the year at the latest (in ’09). When it didn’t happen by then, he said it will happen by the end of January or the end of February. Well, he just told me that we’re definitely not going to be getting engaged by the end of this week (even though he told me all of this past weekend that he definitely thought that was possible).
I know he’s really stressed about his whole job situation. Will be losing his job in April, and it sounds like he’s worried about how is he supposed to get married without knowing that he definitely has a way to provide for a family, etc. So, I get that. That’s understandable. However, I’ve told him that I’ll do my best to make more money so he doesn’t feel so stressed about that. He’s considering possibly being self employed after he’s done with his current job in April, so a big concern with that is what we’d do for health insurance. I’ve told him repeatedly that I don’t automatically expect him to provide the health insurance and that I would totally be open to finding a job with health insurance benefits. So, it doesn’t seem like the health insurance thing should be such a huge concern for him, yet he acts like he’s super stressed out about it. He even said today I don’t know if we can get married because of the whole health insurance thing which sounds like an excuse to me because you’d think that he’d be like don’t worry, I’m sure we can figure something out.
Also, I’m so upset right now that I can’t even remember exactly how he worded it but he made it sound like there’s no guarantee that we’re definitely going to get engaged and married, which is SO the opposite of what he’s been saying for a really long time now, so that was definitely the most devastating comment of all.
I just don’t get what in the hell is going on with him, and why he keeps messing with my head like this. I mean, I get that he wouldn’t want to get engaged during a time when we’ve been arguing. However, I feel like 99% of our arguments have to do with him doing things like asking me to look at rings (and then changing his mind) and promising me we’ll be engaged by a certain time and then not following through with it. I mean, how am I not supposed to get angry and upset when he keeps breaking his promises to me? It’s like he just doesn’t seem to get why it makes me so upset for him to say yes we’ll definitely go look at rings or we’ll definitely get engaged by x date at the latest, but then he doesn’t follow through with it.
Also, we’re in a (semi) long distance relationship (a little over a one hour drive), and I feel like that is really putting a real strain on our relationship because it makes me really sad that I don’t get to see him more often. Normally, I’ll see him maybe on the weekends and then one day earlier in the week. That’s not so bad when we can spend the entire weekend together, but lately he’s been really busy working on fixing up this house that he bought and so we’ve been seeing each other alot less. He’s always known that I’d strongly prefer to be engaged before living together, and he kept reassuring me lately not to worry. That we’d be getting engaged really soon and then Dirty Delete and I would go live with him.
We’ve been together for almost three years now, and it’s just making me really sad that things haven’t progressed more. If I were to tell him that I was okay with just living together for now and letting the proposal come naturally whenever it happens, I’m not so sure that he’d even go for that. So, not sure what to do here because I’m just having a really hard time with not being able to see him more often. This past weekend was a prime example of why I’m really starting to hate this whole long distance situation. This past Friday was my birthday. So, the plan was that my Boyfriend or Best Friend was going to come pick me up (don’t have a vehicle right now) and bring me back to his house for the weekend, we were going to go out to dinner to celebrate, etc. He has an old crappy truck with tons of miles on it. It’s kind of aggravating because he totally has the money to get a new truck, but he keeps putting it off because he has a tendency to be pretty frugal. There has been at least a few times we had plans but he wasn’t able to come see me after all due to his truck issues. So, to make a long story short, he wasn’t able to come pick me up after all this past weekend (or come see me at all) due to issues with his truck. I was so upset because I had been so excited about spending the whole weekend with him since we haven’t had a chance to do that in awhile. He apparently spent a long time working on his truck this past Saturday and was hoping he’d be able to come see me once he got the truck fixed, but he unfortunately wasn’t able to fix it. He brought this truck into his mechanic Monday morning and got it fixed, and so then he was able to come see me last night and took me out to dinner last night to celebrate my birthday, and we were supposedly going to look at rings too but that obviously didn’t happen. Prior to last night, the last time I had seen him was last Wednesday. Since I wasn’t able to see him over the weekend that made it almost a full week since I last saw him, so that was really hard since I’m used to seeing him more frequently then that.