(Closed) Sad and confused.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Welcome to the boards! (and a hug…)

Have you read Mr. Bee’s 3 Step Plan?

It is just in general a good thing to do for yourself! I’m doing the back up plan and feel great.. I have picked up a second at-home job, been outside and don’t look ghastly pale anymore, went a lot blonder (he loves it, hehe), planted a garden of flowers… And I feel great because I’m doing these things for myself 🙂

It’s definitely a pick-me-up to feel good and do things you enjoy!

Post # 4
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

I second Mr. Bee’s 3 Step Plan.  It is brilliant!  You need to take care of yourself and he needs to feel the loss of you being busy with activities that are fun for you.  You are worth taking time for yourself.  He’s gotten too comfortable and isn’t appreciating you.  Best wishes.

Post # 5
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

sorry you’re frustrated!  and i dont have anything super helpful to say, but i just wanted to mention that i think you are very smart not to move in with him—i have a couple friends who desperately wanted proposals, which seemed like they might be getting soon, and then caved and moved in with their boyfriends, and now their boyfriends dont really seem to be taking marriage seriously anymore  (they are great guys, and i know they will propose to my friends EVENTUALLY—so its not like the relationships are bad—but moving in together definitely slowed the engagements down).  

 

can you sit your BF down at a neutral time and bring up the subject gently?  and try to explain to him that it is making you sad not to be engaged, etc.  and i would just leave it with as little pressure on him (as possible, anyway)…but just explain that you are sad and frustrated and you need him to just be aware of it, and not to tease you with the subject because it is sensitive.  

Post # 7
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I told my DH at some point to stop talking about getting engaged until he was actually proposing. Every time the topic came up I’d get really excited and I was sick of feeling let down when nothing came of it. We’d decided to spend the rest of our lives together, and he said it was important to him to propose with a ring (as opposed to just “getting engaged”, which I was happy to do, ring or not), so once those things were agreed I didn’t really want to hear anymore about it until it was actually happening. I feel your pain 🙂 All the best!

Post # 9
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I can really relate to this post.  My FI and I were together for nearly 7 years…yes SEVEN, before he proposed.  I had a lot of similar feelings that you do.  The worst was when my fbil proposed to his gf after dating for less than 1 year.  I was like, what is wrong with this picture??

I wish I had read Mr. Bee’s plan back then.  But, I did do a few of those things and it helped.  We had several conversations about marraige and he made it clear his intention was to marry me, but wanted to finish school first (took him long enough!). finally told myself (not him) that if he didn’t propose by the end of the year then i would bring it up again, but I stopped talking about it for a while…didn’t mention it at all.  Finally, on my birthday (in November!) he proposed and we are getting married in 39 days! 

The best part is that after we got engaged he says to me, “this is probably going to make you mad, but I can’t believe I didn’t propose sooner…now I’m just ready to be married!” 

It sounds to me like you are really starting to resent your bf and and the whole situation (I’ve been there).  I think you need to have a very serious conversation with your bf.  Let him know how you are feeling (this is the person you are supposed to be able to talk to about everything).  Take back you ultimatum, but give him the opportunity to tell you what his current timeline is.  Tell him you are not trying to ruin any surprises, but you really need to know that this relationship is quickly moving in a direction you want it to.  I really think the most important thing to do right now is COMMUNICATE how you are feeling.  Good luck!  

Post # 10
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hugs to you…so sorry you’re going through this. I know the 3-step plan has been suggested, but (just based on my superficial reading of your situation) if you feel like you would be better off by yourself, maybe an engagement isn’t what you should spend your energy into. I hope I’m not causing offense, it sounds like you are pretty confused. The wonderful thing about Mr. Bee’s plan, however, is that it’s heavy on ME-time, which is what any woman can use!

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m sorry.  Keep us updated…

Maybe the next time your bf asks if you kow how much he loves you, you should say, “No, I’m not sure that I do….”

Wink

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